ONLINE HUMAN INTERACTION

The actual experiences of web users detailing their tips, thoughts and dynamics
A GUIDE TO INTERNET SAFETY AND EXPECTATION


Table of Contents
FORWARD    3
The Tips, From Different Daters, Both Male and Female:    4
Safe Sex Dating Safety And Crucial Medical Info For All Singles    51
In Contempt of Courtship    54
Bizarre, Funny And Unique Profiles:    61
Internet Safety and Security When Dating On The Web    62
Who’s Watching Your WebEx? Webex has many back-door spy paths built in    80
Google still keeps a list of everything you ever bought using Gmail, even if you delete all your emails, and provides that data to political parties, the NSA and marketing companies so they can manipulate you    82
MOST OF THE OWNERS OF BIG DATING SITES TURN OUT TO BE CROOKS AND POLITICAL MANIPULATORS    85
Companies gather massive databases of people’s images, for facial recognition spy tools, from OKCUPID    88
SAFER SAFE SEX WITH NEW TECHNOLOGIES    99
HOW TO NEVER HAVE A BORING DATE    101
THE BIG M: TYING THE KNOT    106
Personal Awareness Questions:    125
FACIAL SYMMETRY AND ONLINE DATING HATE EACH OTHER    133
Why Are Symmetrical Faces So Attractive?    133
There is a surprising reason we are drawn toward symmetry, especially in faces. You are addicted to staring at certain movie star’s faces because of their “addictive facial symmetry”.    133
THE GOLD-DIGGER OR ‘FOODIE CALL’ VAMPIRE DATES    140
DATING LATER IN LIFE    143
Try before you buy    143
‘Treat this like a business’    144
Done being single    144
A meeting, a marriage     145
Five things to know about online dating    145
HONEY TRAPS WILL BE SENT BY YOUR COMPETITORS, ENEMIES AND POLITICAL ADVERSARIES    147
We now date six people at once and then we just ghost them when we've lost interest    149
Daddies, “Dates,” and the Girlfriend Experience: Welcome to the New Prostitution Economy. How Silicon Valley Guys Actually Get The Women They Are With    151
“Just Another Job”    152
Landing a Whale    156
“It’s Transactional”    157
$50 for the Powder Room    158
Wish Lists    161
Benefactors    162


FORWARD



This is the information they never taught you in school.

Many of these points of advice conflict with other points of advice. This proves how different people can be between each other. This also proves that men and women can have two totally different perceptions about the same incident or concept.

This book was created to educate. It will horrify you, shock you, amaze you, enlighten you and clearly illuminate the fact that everybody has different assumptions about how-things-should-work in social interaction. You will be moved by how different each gender thinks about different things but it is better to know what you are heading into than not.

Depending on the social programming by your parents, your college clique, your work mates, your sports buddies and your religion, you may agree or disagree with each person’s suggested tip. Keep an open mind and consider that past experiences may have created different causes for each person’s ‘tip’.

The quotes alternate between bold and non-bolded text as each author changes.

The Tips, From Different Daters, Both Male and Female:


“Be very careful on dating sites. I have read the newspaper articles and am being cautious. I have encountered a veritable army of Nigerian scammers, privacy data thieves, Russian spammers and spies on the dating site. On top of that there are tens of thousands of newspaper articles warning about this. Additionally, nothing that you engage in with a stranger you are considering for possible intimacy will be valid over a computer, phone or text device. It isn't being paranoid if it is based on actual experience and vast documentation by the rest of America. 60 MINUTES just did a feature segment on how data thieves can get all your stuff with just your full name and a picture they can run through image-comparison software. They do it all day long.”

“ You just joined one of the top 5 dating sites. You message some attractive ladies right near you. You get some responses. Alas, you don't realize that those "hot ladies", now messaging with you, are actually all a guy with a goatee, named Wu Lee, in the Philippines. While you see lots of talk about these dating services, "not allowing fake profiles", they are, in fact, the ones who hire the "shill Farms" to supply them with the fake date experiences. They only use them for guys because women always get flooded with actual guys contacting them. Many of the pictures are from the ex-websites of dead Russian hookers. The first red flags:
- Your date is out "of the area for a few weeks", or longer, on a trip or some big project so that a real person doesn't actually have to show up.
- They have some other excuse to not meet you for a few weeks. The psychology is that no guy will wait that long and move on to the next candidate. Alas, the next candidate , and the next, and the next, is, more often than not, that same guy Wu Lee. If you are savvy enough to track them in your calender and follow-up a few days after they are supposed to "return to town", they will tell you that they just happened to have met someone on their trip.
- They won't talk on the phone. While talking to a person on a dating site is very comforting, the Shill Farms have escalation Teams that route phone call requests to sex phone operators, with your local accent, who do double duty as fake phone dates and fake sex call takers. Even if you talk on the phone, it still is not guaranteed that you don't have a shill.
- The shill starts asking you very specific detailed personal data about yourself. In real world dating, nobody asks that kind of stuff before their first date. You look at each other, decide if you both look OK and off you go to the movies or dinner that Saturday. The reason the shills want detailed data on you is that the Shill Farm bosses make money from both providing fake profiles AND harvesting your private data for data harvesting banks.
- They try to keep you on the site for as long as possible. The Shill Farmer has a third way of making money off of you. It is called "Spoofing". The more volumes of people the dating site can show for their subscriptions and advertisers, the more money they can make.
- They won't meet. For most people, the purpose of a dating site is to meet someone you can hug, squeeze, kiss and go do things with. It should seem odd to you, if your potential date won't meet in person ASAP. If they were real, you would think they would want to see how both of you are, in-person, before wasting time. Here are some key terms and types to watch out for: “Shill”- A person pretending to be someone else, or another gender, in order to suck you in to some scheme to get your money or your data; Shill Farm - A large building, apartment complex, warehouse or other building where large numbers of shills are base; “Shill Farmer” - The owner of the Shill Farm. Often Russian mobsters, Asian gangs or Nigerian cartels; “Dating Harvester” - Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and similar automated conglomerate-owned dating services that are in the business for far different reasons than you might think; “Trolling” - Working the pretext to try to get the victim/target guy sucked into the scheme. Using different scenarios and talking scripts to get the target to loosen their guard; “Cat Fishing” - Men pretending to be women; “Spoofing” - creating fake user volume numbers in order to help dating sites trick advertisers into paying more...”













“Every date potential I have ever talked to on the phone wants to meet me. I "give good phone", but that has nothing to do with the "chemistry" reaction the other person will have in person. In online meetups, it is entirely about the in-person reaction that others have. Nothing you do in email, text or phone will count, once you meet in-person. It will all go out the window (ie: as sad as it sounds, pre-communication is a waste-of-time in online dating, because people decide on attraction in the first few minutes of the live meeting). “

“there are no rules in dating, just do what feels good...”

"All of the men are looking for sex and all of the women are looking for free dinners"

"Do not send more than a few emails or talk on the phone more than 45 minutes without meeting in person. The human mind will always create a bigger-than-life image of who you think you are talking to and it will be impossible for the other person to live up to that. You will set yourself up for disappointment and your experience here will always be unproductive. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to be disappointed because the vision and the real-world don't match."

"The Internet dating process can be both exciting and heartbreaking.. You will meet tons of beautiful, sexy, sharp people that you would, at first blush, be able to visualize yourself being boy/girl-friended with, or married to. This can be very painful, though, if you have had great email and phone calls and both decided you really like each other. But the ones you like may tell you, right on the spot, that they are not attracted to you and the ones that want you strongly, you may not be attracted to. Prepare yourself and try to have no expectations, but don't deny that "chemistry" makes up to 25% of the first encounter and if there is no chemistry, it usually seems to fritter away rapidly"

"Most of the internet people will select one of the first few people they meet because they get overloaded after more people contact them. Most people, women more than men, get 30 to 200 responses and just get burned out after the first dozen meetings. The first people one meets tend to stick out in that persons mind more because the others start blending together in the density of increasing contacts, emails, phones calls and meetings. If you don't meet soon you will often be buried in the confusion that follows as the increasing volume of email contacts builds up. Most of relationships on match turn out to be with one of the first few people one meets according to the survey. If people are trying to meet quickly, they are probably trying to get in to your "emotional window" before it closes."

" Many of the people on there are just dabblers, or looky-loo's who never intend to meet anybody in person, some of them are even marketing people for the dating service acting as "shills". Ask them to meet soon to see if they are sincere."

"People who object to long initial letters or emails are really not interested in knowing anything about the people they are contacting. They are often just looking for flings and distractions. If the people can't deal with alot of information about you then they may not be interested in a long term relationship(LTR) and could just be using the dating system for personal validation and not for creating a relationship"

"Women tend to get 10 responses for every one response men get online."

"Most people go in with the best of intentions...thinking that a great mind/intellect connection will make-up for any lacks in "chemistry"..but it has never turned out to be like that...everybody seems to, ultimately, let chemistry rule. Looks are not the whole driver but they are always a non-insignificant criteria."

"Bad breath can totally kill a date. How many losers have I been out with that would have been OK except their breath made me ill. Take 4-5 "Breath Assure" tablets at least 30 minutes before the date and eat an Altoid or some mint a few minutes before the date. Eat a little something before the date because an empty stomach can cause bad breath. Brush your teeth. See your dentist and have your teeth professionally cleaned."

"IF you are cute and you try to get off of the internet service they may not take you off very quickly because you are attracting eyeballs or customers for them, you can get many free months from the service if you work it right."

"Don't do internet dating unless you are prepared to meet people and you have from 6-10PM Free every night, 30-90 minutes a day to read and respond to emails and at least half your weekend free to meet a few people. I will not work for most people unless they make a commitment to the process, feel that getting a special person is the most important priority in their lives (Over work, money, material things, etc.)and really treat the effort like a job. Most people are completely surprised by how much work is involved in this kind of dating. Many people select one of the first few people they meet just to avoid the time-drain. But, when you meet the person that you want to be with, it makes it all worth it ten times over."

"When you first notice something you don't like about the person, don't run away or write them off, you must remember that you are operating in a hyper-accelerated dating environment (Where else would you meet 20 guys in 60 days?), in the "normal world" you would be looking for all these checklist items or first a validating red-flag to write them off as a stalker/creep like you do here. The density of people can be daunting but don't let it make you too clinical in your approach."

"Most dating systems forward from an anonymous email to your personal email. Be sure and set your email system up so your emails pop up on your work desktop or on your home system to avoid coming home at night and finding a plethora of responses and replies that you don't have time to give proper attention to. That is unfair to you and to the people that are interested."

"I now want to meet as soon as possible because the "rejection intensity" seems to be less painful for both people if you have not gotten emotionally involved with lots of phone calls and emails beforehand. So it is important to meet as soon as possible to reduce the pain factor of the potential turndown. Of course, if both of you happen to be attracted, then you are done and you get a boyfriend or girlfriend."

"Don't ask a person if they like you on the date. It puts them on the spot and is too harsh to hear live and in person if they do not."

"The marketing people at each of the bigger dating services will tell you that the demographics for the service are high-income, well educated, aggressive, driven business people. This can be both good and bad. The women tend to be more sexually aggressive and the guys tend to be busier".

"Men lie more than women but they both lie. Men lie because they had bad upbringings, or they are insecure or they are afraid. Men only lie about one thing so it is actually a misnomer to say men lie. It is better to say "Men are Polyamory addicted". Men don't think they are doing anything wrong unless there has been a very loud and official wedding or girlfriend/boyfriend-stage in the relationship announcement. Men never think they are lying..they really don't, they just think that the relationship isn't happening. Men think that women are too slow and careful and always shopping for the right man so they always think women are not going to stick around and they always keep their options open until a women clearly commits. Women think that men move too fast so they wait for a slow one, but they rarely come. Both genders are wired different so it never really works out until one or the other lets their defenses down."

"Don't attack people who ask you for a picture and do have a picture ready to go. Having a digital picture ready to go is considered to be the number one "rule" of the web. Don't go online to date unless you already have one on your hard drive or you will just be creating a terribly frustrating experience for people you contact and most of them will be upset that you don't have a picture. The only difference in meeting people on the web or in person is that you have no visual context. Most people make their primary assessment based on appearance, even if they deny that they do, it is a natural human process to seek visual confirmation. On the same note, don't judge a book by its cover. Many "pretty" people who seek only "pretty" people often find shallowness and vanity and no substance for that very relationship they seek...try a normal looking person, you will usually be surprised."

"There are no weirdos and no normal people on the internet. There aren't people at all, Just words and text. You have to realize it is a digital environment and employ it as an initiation place and then follow-up in the real-world. The unique thing about open network communication is that it has no established social order or boundaries so people are naturally supported in their theatrical creation. The difficult aspect of this is that there is nobody to reference you as you microscopically grow bigger or into other tangents of a character without even noticing it. So; people tend to be more flexible with the facts or narrative because they feel like they are co-writing a novel with some
one in real time."

"Can girls and guys be "just Friends. (Harry met Sally) Yes, if neither is physically attracted to the other. If one is and the other isn't it will almost never work. In the case of one person being attracted but wanted to be friends, many of those people will either be in denial or embarrassed to acknowledge their attraction."

"Realize that time doesn't exist on the internet. What is a timely response or an appropriate development of social expectations will be too slow or too fast to the other person. Most internet socializing tends to move at "warp speed"...because it can."

"Whether you're searching for romance in cyberspace or at a SpeedDating event, the rules can be complicated and downright frustrating. Following are a few that real singles have used to navigate this brave new world of dating:
- Rule No. 1: Asking a woman out for a Saturday night date is a big deal.
If you ask some women out for a Monday or even a Thursday evening, beware. You could have the phone receiver slammed in your ear. "A woman takes it very seriously when she is not asked out on a Saturday night," said Dawn Sidney, who met her husband at a Chicago Jewish federation event. "She has a different attitude. She thinks the guy doesn't think she's special."
- Rule No. 2: Fools shouldn't rush in.
To Shawna Gooze, a human resources assistant, it doesn't matter what day of the week a guy wants to see her. What happens after the date is more important. "I went out with a very good-looking, nice guy I met at a bar, but he started e-mailing me so much after the first date, it was a turn-off," she said. "In the beginning, it's better not to rush a relationship or come on too strong."
- Rule No. 3: When you move an online romance offline, go public.
When trying to find a date in cyberspace, a set of unwritten rules applies, and some online daters simply make the rules up as they go along, according to Leslie Zimmer, who works for a Chicago-area synagogue and has tried several Jewish online dating services.
Zimmer, whose online dating odyssey has most been both frustrating and humorous, followed two main rules. First, she didn't disclose personal information such as home address, telephone number or work location. Second, she met an online date at a public place such as a coffee shop or restaurant. She also chose to have a few "phone dates" with an online dater before meeting him in person.
Hoping to attract a Jewish John Travolta, she began her personal ad with, "Shall we dance?" One guy responded with a cute, clever message that discussed their common interest in dancing. For their first date, they agreed to meet at local nightclub to show off some fancy footwork.
"There was definitely a chemistry," she said. "We spent three hours dancing, talking and laughing. "After we danced, he just said, 'Good night.' I was dumbfounded. I happen to have a lot of moxie, so I e-mailed him. He e-mailed back that he just didn't feel any chemistry. I thought, when he finds someone with chemistry, it must be like an explosion!"
- Rule No. 4: If you're a woman seeking cyber-romance, don't be afraid to initiate the first cyber-contact.
The anonymity of online dating makes it easier to sever a bad connection, said Michael Slater, 25, a regional sales manager for a Chicago-based corporate relocation company. In other ways, it's leveled the playing field by making it acceptable for a woman to initiate cyber-contact. "I know from several friends using Jdate.com that women are e-mailing guys and asking them out," he said.
- Rule No. 5: Seek advice from a trusted friend if you're stuck in the dating doldrums.
While it's clear the Internet has changed the rules of dating, some things never change. Singles still seek advice and support from friends and family, said Slater, who is currently attached.
"Sometimes a friend will ask me what I think of a woman's profile, and I'll say, 'You're not going to know unless you try.' They just need an extra boost to click that 'send' button," he said.
"I don't want to be known as a yenta [matchmaker], but I just give my friends a push in the right direction. They've done the same for me."
- Rule No. 6: Unfortunately, there are no hard-and-fast formulas that guarantee romantic success, except maybe: Love like you've never been hurt before, and be yourself"

"1.) Never give out more than your first name over the Internet. Never tell anyone your address.
2.) It is fairly safe to exchange phone numbers although you should remember that your phone number can be used to find you. You can tell a lot about a person from their voice. If a person gives you their work telephone number instead of their home telephone number, they are probably already involved.
3.) If you have found someone you would like to meet, always arrange to meet in a public place such as a bookstore or coffee shop.
4.) Unless, someone looks frightening, always acknowledge the person you came to meet and have coffee or whatever. Never leave just because you don't like a person's appearance. It just isn't nice to leave someone waiting and wondering!
5.) Be honest. If you are not interested thank the person for meeting you and tell them in a nice way that you don't feel you have as much in common as you had hoped. A kind up front rejection is easier on you both.
6.) Always ask to see the persons drivers license. If they hesitate or don't give you their identification, they have their reason's. Get rid of them FAST! And, don't let them follow you home!
7.) Call home or a friend and tell them the person's name, address and license number which is on their license.
8.) A man has every right to request to see a woman's drivers license as well. There are a few dingy women in this world.
9.) If a woman fails to ask for your ID don't date her. Find another one because the one who didn't ask will show bad judgement in other aspects of life as well!
10.) In sexual matters follow the dictates of the religion of your preference. You will always be glad you did.
11.) Should you decide to become physically involved, never do so until you know the person well.
12.) You do not know a person well until you have seen them in their normal environment and have met their friends. Practice safe sex!
13.) If a person seems to have no friends or associations be very suspicious. A person will rarely abuse someone known to their friends. There is a social price to pay.
14.) Always trust your instincts. If you are uneasy about someone there is probably a good reason.
15.) Remember, that all you owe anyone on the first meeting, is courtesy for a very short period of time. You have a lot to gain and very little to lose by meeting new people as long as you use common sense!"


"1. "Never love a man or woman more than you love yourself.
2. You must have attitude. Attitude is everything. Think of yourself as compelling, irresistible, and captivating because that's what you are!
3. Your attitude about yourself and how you expect others to treat you comes through in everything you do.
4. Know and play to your assets, know and downplay your deficits.
5. Women are the Queen Bees. It's a woman's job to attract men. Men are the wannabes. They wannabe with women. So ladies, let them. Men find women, women don't find men. Women let themselves be found.
6. Men troll and hunt for women. Women attract and magnetize men.
7. For women: You only love the men who love you. It is your job to attract lots of men and then choose from the ones you have attracted.
8. For women: Want a relationship? Stop acting like an alpha female and start behaving like Annie Get Your Guy. Alpha females are smart, sexy, successful and usually alone, because tough, fierce, competitive, and masculine energy only works in business. Annie Get Your Guy is soft, foxy not fierce, receptive, always feminine, and is the chasee never the chaser.
9. In relationships, men want women to act like women, so they can act like men.
10. For men: You are a hero. Accept nothing less from a woman than being "her hero."
11. In dating, know what you want and what the other person wants. Make sure you are both going in the same direction.
12. The secret to a relationship is: know what each player wants and then give it to them. Men want to be admired and respected. Women want to be cherished and adored, because that makes them feel safe. Good relationships are the result of giving all the players what they want.
13. Feelings are important.  Men want to feel they are winning in a relationship. Women want to feel safe.
14. Don't rely on a make-over to find happiness. Give up the thought "I love you, you're perfect, now change." Accept "as is" the person you're in the relationship with.
15. Keep your heart open. For those who think war is hell, they should try dating. In dating, your heart may get hurt, but as long as it's open, there is room to let someone in. Love has no place to go when a heart is closed down.
16. Go on every new date and into every new relationship with the attitude that this could be "the one." As long as you think about past relationships, that's how all your relationships will be. "

"It is the 2000's and it is a whole different ball game than the 1970-s to 1999. You must ask your date to get an HIV/AIDS/STD test and show you the test results. It takes 4 days for a really expensive test to come back and 30 days for a full test result. They need to show you tests taken 30 days since the last person they slept with. It is not only appropriate it is REQUIRED, ESSENTIAL and Expected that you ask somebody on the first to third dates, if there is any sexual interest. It is each persons responsibility to discuss this stuff immediately. If you don't do it YOU CAN DIE FROM SEX. Look at the statistics. AIDS is killing more and more mainstream "average" Americans monthly."

"Don't discuss emotional issues in email. They will almost always be misinterpreted. Hence the smiley faces:    ;-)    :-)   etc. Never have a fight or misunderstanding via email or you are done for. Context is not apparent in email."

"Many people confuse "Cute" for "Love". We are all conditioned by the media to find people with perfect features to be desirable. The pressure of being Cute all the time makes men and women who are "cute" go a little nuts, so it is hard to find cute AND sane at the same time. Try to see the attraction in normal people and realize that the attraction to "cute" can sometimes last only as long as the newness of the new cute person."

"Guys talk about sex 70% more than most women. It is genetic memory-burned into their brains. Many guys, though, use sex as emotional validation but they are incapable of admitting it, the rest are just horny. Society has programmed men to feel afraid to show sensitivity because it might make them look weak or gay. If you talk about sex in email or on the phone, before you meet, and you both seem to be equally interested in it, it will probably, then, never happen because you did that. By building it up in advance you create a psychological fantasy which your mind will always make bigger than reality can possibly live up to. When you meet and find out that neither of you are the "Fabio" or "Miss America" (..fill in name of whoever floats your boat) of your assumptive projections then your boat is sunk."

"Most people find the picture issue necessary but disconcerting. Many people's friends tell them they are not photogenic and never look the same from shot to shot. Most people look better in person than in a picture unless a modeling studio shot them. You can't really tell what a person looks like unless you have seen 5-6 different pictures in different settings."

"Many "socially-beautiful" men & women are conditioned to only go out with GQ/FratHouse looking people. These people have been taught that it is all about facial balance, symmetry and small featured proportion; the majority of the real world does not have that symmetry. Frat House/Sorority people are singled out by a culture and guided to ...Frat Houses and Sororities for reinforcement from common-culture types.! If only we could stop and look deeper than the shell..but those social imprints and media conditionings represent strong mnemonic triggers."

"Avoid the "Sherlock Holmes" technique. Many people feel that they have to squeeze as much information out and draw conclusions about that information in the first date. Don't make assumptions or second-guess others. If somebody responds to one question you ask with a lengthy answer about food, work, cars, etc; don't assume that they are obsessed with one or the other. They may just be a long-winded or detailed communicator or they may just feel obligated to try to give you as much info as possible about something you showed interest in. Try to adopt a flexible attitude in assessing a persons process based on one initial meeting."

"Cosmo advises that previous marriage should be an issue but the US census shows us that the Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce is 50%. If your potential date has not been married, facts now show that they may have been smarter and more dedicated to a permanent relationship potential by waiting until after their 30's. Others have just not met the right person and hold the ideal partner dream firm.  Some have asked people to marry them but the other person said no. So, not being married after 30 does not mean, today, what it might have meant in your parents times."

This might be funny for you, or it might not.  I found this card at a Hallmark display:
Bad Date #132:   He likes you.  You don't like him.  He says he'll call and does.
Bad Date #133:   You like him.  He doesn't like you.  He says he'll call and doesn't.
Bad Date #134:   You like him.  He likes Jim.  He dresses better than you.
Bad Date #135:   He wears too much aftershave.  He flirts more with the waitress than with you.  But that's a good thing.
Bad Date #136:   He talks all night about his ex.  Then he cries.
Bad Date #137:  You like him a lot.  He likes you a lot.  Then he changes his mind.
I've been on all of those, and then some.  My friend pointed out that the existence of that card means that it happens to loads of us.  Somehow that thought should make us feel better, right?"

"Rule One: Sexual intercourse changes every rule. Nudity of one party or both parties can in some cases modify the rules.
Rule Two: Every rule has an exception or two or three.
Rule Three: The ambulance-chaser rule. There is an appropriate waiting period after someone breaks up before you can ask them out. I am unsure as to exactly what this waiting period is, but I know it is longer than five minutes and shorter than a month.
Rule Quatro: The rebound rule. Never, ever date people who are not over their last significant other. This is bad. You will be forced to listen to stories of love lost and told you can't go to Applebee's because he used to take her there.
Signs she is still holding a flame: She refers to his current girlfriend as the whore from KU, and she is mysteriously busy on weekends he is in town.
Rule Five: As Olympia Dukakis said in "Moonstruck," "Don't shit where you eat." Try your hardest not to date anyone you work with.
Teachers should not date students. Bartenders should not date servers. Checkers should not date baggers.
The only possible exception to this rule is if the individual you wish to date works in a different department or section of the organization than you. Even then, use extreme caution.
Rule Six: The I'll-call-you rule. Men seem to have a particularly hard time with this one.
Let's say after a night of conversation, a woman gives you her number and tells you to give her a call. It is appropriate to call the next day; you will not seem too anxious.
This first call should be a casual call, and you should include your name and the location of your first encounter so she can definitely identify you.
You may at the time of this first call express your intent to call again later in the week with plans for a date.
Rule Seven: The sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of women you have dated are off-limits unless you live in Arkansas or certain counties in Mississippi.
Her best friend is a no-no, as well as the sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of any of your friends.
The rule that is eight: The rule of who pays. The man.
To hell with women's liberation. If you are the man, and I am sure you know how to tell, you will be footing the bill unless otherwise arranged before the date. In same-sex relationships the person who asks for the date pays.
Ninth in the list of rules: Follow your heart. Rules are meant to be broken. We can't all be as lucky as ferrets, but if you bite someone in just the right place you might get lucky. "

"Guys and gals of all ages... I want to say that whomever you fall for, regardless if their dorky, popular, weird, smart, crazy, etc.. don't be pressured by the stereotypes of high school! Open your heart and be honest about your feelings. When one person breaks those "Rules of dating in high school", it can give everyone else the courage to break those silly dumb pathetic rules as well. I know it's even harder when you're getting pressure from your friends. Especially if you're honest and, for instance our one of the "popular guys" and then you say to your buddies that you like that little chubby girl in your Math class, and everyone is like,"Dude... you like HER?!" Then of course you turn bright red and deny it. But if they're true friends, then they'll back you on what you believe. Stereotypes are nasty evil things... and deep down... most of us don't believe them... and most of us wish we could go against them... but we're afraid. Therefore, I suggest we all work on it together.”

Next time the dorky girl or guy, popular girl or guy, crazy girl or guy, etc... comes up to you, instead of jumping to conclusions about who they are based on what they've been "labeled" by the school, reach out your hand to them.... who knows, you might meet that Mr. or Mrs. Right of your dreams. And my last point.... don't try so hard to go searching for love when you're young. While their are the percentage of people that do meet in high school and get married, chances are, it doesn't work. You have your life ahead of you to meet that special person for you. Enjoy high school and meet friends of all social cliques, and don't concentrate so much on whether or not someone is going to accept you or not accept you. Just be yourself."

"Cowboys. Though I have nothing against cowboys per se; I just don't want to date one. I'd even venture to bet that line dancing is a joyful activity, good exercise even, but again, not for me.
Seatbelts. I admire a man who uses a seatbelt. It says a lot about him. Like the fact that he enjoys his life and wants it to continue.
Transportation. I admire a man who actually has a car. Having to pick a guy up is a little fishy. Due to the complete dearth of mass transportation in Brainerd, it can often mean there's been some trouble with the law.
Glasses. I'm quite particular about the issue of glasses. Small and the right shape work well for me, but if they go anywhere near a square and over three to four inches tall, my enthusiasm dwindles. (I'm quite aware of how shallow I'm sounding. Really, I'm a decent sort. Large, square glasses are fine for my uncle or my grandpa or the grocer, but in terms of a potential mate, they're not my ideal.)
Smells matter. As it turns out, metallic licorice types of smells do not appeal to me. Neither do excessively manly colognes. Clean, soapy scents or woodsy, incensy campfire types of smells do appeal to me.
Shoes. Again, I realize I'm showing the shallow side of myself here, but cowboy boots that make a man appear to be teetering on high heels don't do it for me. Solid loafers that don't make clicking noises on the floor work nicely. I'm OK with certain types of sandals. And outdoorsy boot-shoes work for me big time. Call me crazy.
Hair. This is a very precise category. Feel free to take notes if you must. A man who spends a lot of time on his hair does not appeal to me. My motto is hair can be gorgeous without lots of work. (Motto may be a bit strong, but the thought has crossed my mind.) While I'm not sure gorgeous is an adjective that can be used to describe my hair; at least I don't end up spending inordinate amounts of time in front of the mirror, cursing and wracked with self-doubt. I can get my cursing and self-beratement done in about five minutes. Any man who spends more time than it takes to watch an episode of Boy Meets World, back combing, teasing or adding products of a fruity nature to his hair turns me off. Not unlike the issue of glasses, the hair should not be more than three or four inches in height.
Lack of hair. This works. Only if the hair that does exist is not used to overcompensate for the lack of. This shows a certain self-confidence. I also have found that long hair is not my favorite. It should, however, be all one length. Layers or bilateral "hockey" cuts -- short on the top and sides but long in the back -- do nothing for me. Actually, they make me want to run to the nearest restroom labeled "does" or "bucks."
Height. This category is a freebie. I'm only 5 feet 1, so while I might be uncomfortable with a man less than my height; statistically that does not occur very often. Other than that, I'm pretty open.

Weight. Actually, I'm pretty flexible on this too. Mostly because I'm no Ally McBeal. Not only am I not Ally McBeal, but sometimes I have seething anger about how Ally McBeal (i.e. the media's representation of the ideal bulimic woman) can make me feel like the body I live in is wrong.
OK, so I guess Ally McBeal can't actually make me feel that way, but there's definitely a link of some sort. So, in hopes that I will not be judged as harshly as I sometimes feel, I am pretty open about size. I like men who are active yet are not obsessed with fitness or the size of their "pythons." It is for this convoluted, irrational rationalization that weight is not an issue with me.
Questions. I need someone who asks them and then listens to the answers. Go figure. This in turn makes me want to ask questions and have real conversations. A definite necessity.
Touching. Too much touching right away is confusing and not so good. No touching whatsoever is also confusing. No real verdict on this one.
Reading. Let's just say this is a good thing. And no, I do not consider porn actual reading.
Age. So far, I've been dating men older than me. Some much older. Telling someone your real age is good. Hedging and answers like "I believe you're as young as you feel" are not good signs.
Humor. As it turns out, this one of the biggest pluses by far. By humor, I don't really mean jokes. Stand-up comedian wannabes who consider one person a way to try out new material do not appeal to me. But a wry skepticism of the world at large is rather quite nice"

"1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's horny.
2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you" and "you're cool" mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you fuck me?"
3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love, in college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.
5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?"  Refer to number one for definition.
6. In an imaginary world, sleepovers are sleepovers. Just that. In college it's a fuckfest or pretty close to it.
7. In an imaginary world the guy might call you the day after. In college, you're lucky if he acknowledges your presence when you walk by. Or if they do call back, refer to number one again, for the reason.
8. In an imaginary world even gorgeous guys are nice. In college, cute guys are asses, unattractive men are desperate, and nice guys finish last.
9. In an imaginary world, sex is sacred and special.  In college, it happens every night between drunk strangers, who don't even know each others names.
10. In an imaginary world, men have only one girl, chickie, babe, woman. In college, you are the only one, except for, Jodi, Jean, Alisha, Sara, Laura, Liz, Christy, Carrie, Jen, Mary, Katie, Jeff, Gretchen, Andi…

“Why are these important if you aren't in college? Because college behavior almost never ends after college!!!"



"From the infamous "THE RULES":

1. Be a "creature unlike any other."
* Be confident.
* Act "as if..."
* Carry yourself with dignity
* Do your best to correct appearance flaws, but don't dwell on them.
* Be sweet and light
* Be restrained and courteous

2. Don't talk to a man first, and don't ask him to dance first.
* Don't hang around him, hoping he'll ask you to dance

3. Don't stare at men or talk too much
* Smile at the room in general

4. Don't meet him halfway or go dutch

5. Don't call him and rarely return his calls
* If he leaves a message on your answering machine to call him - don't
* If he only calls on your answering machine, turn it off
* If a man calls you on Friday night, don't answer - use your answering machine or caller ID

6. Always end calls first.
* Limit phone calls to about ten minutes
* Don't let him put you on hold. If he does, hang up

7. Don't accept a date for Saturday night after Wednesday

8. Fill up your time before a date

9. On dates 1, 2, and 3, dress nice, be nice, good-bye and go home.
* Don't fantasize before the date
* Treat it like a business appointment
* Be nonchalant/non-committal
* Play it safe. This man is still a stranger
* Time Limits:
o Meet for a drink: 2 hrs
o Dinner or movie: 4 hrs

10. Behave from date 4 to commitment
* Don't get too heavy about your feelings
* Keep unpleasant life issues to yourself
* Don't go into details about very personal subjects
* Act independent

11. Always end the date first
* If he gets rude or hurtful on a date, don't try to work it out. Leave immediately

12. Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift on your birthday or valentine's day.

13. Don't see him more than once or twice a week.
* If you're engaged, you may date up to 3-4 times a week

14. No casual kissing on the first date

15. No sex before marriage
* Don't rush into intimate contact while dating

16. Don't tell him what to do

17. Let him take the lead in the relationship
* Don't say, "I love you," until he says, "I love you," first

18. Don't expect a man to change, or try to change him
* You can't treat a man like you treat your girlfriends
* Don't try to get them to talk about their feelings
* Immediately dump any guy who doesn't treat you well

19. Don't open up too fast

20. Be honest, but mysterious
* Don't let a man know about the Rules

21. Accentuate the positive in you
* Wear clothes that accentuate your best features.
* Be cheerful and optimistic
* Get a life
* Try to find fun alternatives to the "bar scene"
* Take advantage of personal ads, dating pages, and internet services, but always be positive in posted ads.

22. Don't live with a man (or leave things in his apartment)

23. Don't even think about dating a married man.

24. Slowly involve him in your family
* Don't introduce him to your family until he introduces you to his

25. Practice, practice, practice! Get good at the Rules
* Go to as many social events and interesting public activities as possible.
* If you don't have a date on Friday night, go to some public place or event.
* Don't be afraid to go solo
* When you meet a really attractive man, stay focused on the Rules

26. Even if you're engaged or married, you still need the Rules
* Engagement is not equivalent to commitment
* For a man, putting the ring on the finger and saying "I do" is commitment

27. Do the Rules, even when you're friends and family think it's nuts

28. Be Smart, and use the Rules while dating in High School
* If you have acne, do whatever it takes to get rid of it.
* If you have extra money, spend it on quality makeup and nice clothes.
* If you have a crush on a boy, dress feminine and let him make the first move. Don't be loud or try to get his attention.
* Get in the habit of attending social events, but don't act bored or nervous.
* Don't have sex with boys.
* Don't smoke, drink alcohol, or take drugs.
* Stay active in sports.
* If a boy doesn't ask you to the Prom, don't ask him. Go with someone who asks you or go with a group.

29. Take care of yourself, and use the Rules for dating in College
* Don't hang around, fruitlessly hoping some guy will notice you.
* Play it safe. Just because they're college guys doesn't mean they'll behave
* Concentrate on your studies
* Eat healthy
* Wear makeup and be fashionable and feminine
* Be involved in interesting extracurricular activities
* If you don't have a date on Friday and Saturday night, get out and socialize
* Get serious about your career goals. Nobody wants a loser

30. Next! and other Rules for dealing with rejection
* Don't personalize or blow a breakup out of proportion.
* Don't console yourself by eating.
* Get dressed up, put on your makeup, and go to the very next social event in town
* Don't lose your cool about him. Get over it
* Say "His loss" and "Next!"

31. Don't ever discuss the Rules with your therapist
* They don't live in the real world, so they just wouldn't understand

32. Don't ever break the Rules
* If you do break the Rules with a man, be prepared to write him off as a lost cause
* Don't dwell on the ones you may have lost by following the Rules, they aren't worth it.

33. Do the Rules and you'll live happily ever after
* Even if you don't get married right away, you'll be happier and more relaxed in your single life.

34. Love only those who love you.
* You can afford to be picky
* You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity
* Immediately dump any guy who doesn't treat you well.

35. Be easy to live with
* Don't whine.
* See a professional to help you with your neuroses "

 The Alternative Rules -

"RULE #1: HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Have you ever noticed that 95% of us seem to be chasing after the same 5%. I call them the "lucky 5%". They have no trouble meeting someone for a romantic relationship. They are blessed with physical beauty or money or status or all three. Relationships come to them rather than the other way around. Looking at things logically, if 95% of us are chasing after the same 5%, each of them has to date 19 of us simultaneously in order to keep all of us happy. And that's not going to happen. 
How realistic are your expectations? Take a good, long, honest look at yourself. 
"I've got a great personality and a heart of gold", you say. That's great, except that you live in a world in which people judge you initially by superficial things like the beauty of your face, the slimness of your body, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, and the job you hold. 
So if people find your exterior to be unattractive, you've got a tough road ahead of you. For example, if you're a 3 on a scale of 10 in terms of initial attractiveness to the opposite sex, don't expect to attract a 9 or 10. If you're a woman, forget about Tom Selleck or a millionaire. If you're a man, forget about meeting a Playboy bunny. Settle for someone nice who finds you attractive. 

"Does that mean I have to lower my standards?" 

Sadly the answer is yes. I know it's hard to give up fantasies of Prince Charming or the beauty queen. Just remember that it's even harder to go through life without romantic love. 

Newsweek Magazine's cover story for June 2, 1986 demoralized single women throughout the nation. The article claimed that if you are 30 years old, college-educated, and never been married, that you only have a 20% chance of ever finding a husband. If you reach age 35 without a spouse, your chances drop to 5%. And if you have the misfortune of being single at 40, according to Newsweek you have a greater chance of "being killed by terrorists" than finding a husband. 

The Newsweek article was based on a study by two professors at Harvard and Yale Universities. Fortunately the figures have been discredited by the U.S. Census Bureau. For one thing, the Harvard-Yale Study was based on a relatively small sample. More importantly, it was based on a critical assumption: that single women in the United States would continue to follow three patterns in selecting a mate as they have in the past: 
1. Marrying a man who is older than she. The average woman in America chooses a man two to four years older than she. Since men live seven years less than the average woman, this means that the older a woman becomes the fewer men are still left that are older than she. At birth there are more boy babies than girls (a 1% surplus of boys). This continues until age 35 where there is an equal ratio of single men to single women. From that point on the men start dying off so that at age 60 there are three and one half single women for every single man in the United States. This statistic becomes even more grim when you consider that many of these scarce 60 year single men are dating women in their forties and fifties! Obviously if single women continue to prefer older men their chances of finding a husband will diminish.
2. Marrying a man who is taller than she. Women who are tall (over 5'6") and like to wear high heels have a problem in meeting suitable men. I have spoken to many women who insist that a man be over 6 feet tall. That eliminates 90% of the single men in this country!
3. Marrying a man who earns more money than she. Even though women in this country still only earn 62 cents on the dollar in comparison to men, this doesn't apply to successful professional women, who have literally priced themselves out of the market! They have a very tough time finding a man who is older, taller, and wealthier than they.

The main flaw in the Harvard-Yale Study is that there's no reason why you can't adjust to these realities. Why not choose a man who is younger, shorter, or less prosperous? For years women have been complaining about how superficial men are. They chastise men for overlooking inner beauty, intimacy, and communication. Perhaps single women need to look at their own superficial prejudices regarding age, height, and money. 

Single men have their own set of unrealistic expectations. They tend to prefer young, slim, pretty women. These women are at a tremendous premium. They have men standing in line for them. Unless you're rich and handsome, what are the chances that you'll attract one of these beauties? 
The reality is that few women in this country have the slim figure of a model. Women begin with one third more fat than men. That is nature's way of preparing them for pregnancy. Otherwise our species might not be around today. The old adage that "beauty is only skin deep" may sound corny, but it's true. So don't worry if she is a few pounds overweight. Find yourself a loving woman with whom you can share a happy life. 

RULE #2: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FRIENDS
"Oh no, don't tell me I have to go on blind dates. You only get to meet losers." 
The number one method for meeting people in this country is through mutual friends. Spread the word to your friends that you'd like to meet more people. Be sure to share with them exactly the qualities you are looking for. Ask them to include you on their guest list for dinners and parties. Have them introduce you to their friends, relatives, and co-workers as well. 
Don't be afraid of blind dates. They are still a very common way of meeting people. Just don't expect too much. The likelihood is that on any particular blind date either you or the other person won't find the other to be attractive. So be patient. 

RULE #3: EXPLOIT YOUR JOB
"Hey, wait a second. I'm not going to choose a job on the basis of whether it's a good place to meet people. I've got to put food on my table." 
Most people choose a job on the basis of such things as money, status, enjoyment, and proximity to their homes. There's nothing wrong with that, but think about adding one more criterion: likelihood of meeting new friends. 10% of all romantic relationships begin between people who meet each other on the job, according to a study of 3000 singles. (Simenauer, J. and Carroll, D., Singles: The New Americans, N.Y., Simon & Schuster: 1982). Furthermore, according to a survey of 1,800 professional women between the ages of 21-45, "a romance between coworkers is four times more likely to last than one between a couple who met elsewhere.... About 20% of on-the-job romances lead to marriage." (Marin Independent-Journal, March, 25, 1986.) 

What about the risks involved? Will you have to find another job if your office romance doesn't work out? According to the survey of professional women cited above, "only 5.3% of the women said they felt their relationship had hurt their career. Only 1 in 400 reported losing her job." 
If possible choose a job where you are dealing with the public on a daily basis. Unfortunately these are often low-paying jobs (e.g., waiters and waitresses, bank tellers and cashiers.) The pay-off is that you meet lots of new people. Another option is to choose an office where there are plenty of attractive single people of the opposite sex. 

What if you don't work and don't need the money? Consider a volunteer job. There are all kinds of interesting opportunities to help others and make your community a better place to live. Call up your local volunteer bureau to find out how. Along with "contributing to society" you'll also increase your visibility in the community and meet new friends. See the chapter on Volunteer Work. 

RULE #4: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
Staying home is natural. It's comfortable. It's safe. It's inexpensive. There's only one problem. You'll never meet anybody by staying at home. Most singles spend almost all of their free time at home. Then they wonder why they never meet anybody! 
How often should you get out of the house to meet people? That depends on how soon you want to meet someone special. If you're willing to wait 20 years, then don't sweat about it. Once a month is fine. On the other hand, if you want to meet someone soon, remember that every night you go out looking hastens the day when you succeed. 

RULE #5: HANG AROUND STRANGERS ALONE
When we're kids our parents warn us to stay away from strangers. That's good advice at the time. Strangers are dangerous. What's also true, however, is that the love of your life is probably a stranger to you right now. So if you want to meet that person you're going to have to forget what your parents taught you about strangers. A good example of the problem is the following conversation: 
Julie: "Are you going to the party Saturday night? 
Sally: "No, I don't think so." 
Julie: "Why not?" 
Sally: "I won't know anyone there." 
Sally's attitude is typical. She's afraid to go to a party full of strangers. But that's exactly the party she should go to. She'll have the greatest chance of meeting someone special if she knows few of the guests. In fact, the ideal party would be one where you knew absolutely no one, not even the host. In other words, a party you crashed. 
The hardest part of Rule #5 is the word "alone". If you're like most single people, when you go to social functions you usually drag along your friends. I call them bodyguards. Their purpose is to insure that you won't meet anyone new. As long as you have your friends to engage in conversation, you won't have the motivation to meet new people. 
Hanging around your friends is a particularly serious problem if you are a single woman, because your bodyguards make you unapproachable. Most men are scared to approach you if you're alone, due to fear of rejection. Think of how much more intimidating it is for a single man to approach you if you are part of a group! A man will wait patiently for the magic moment that never comes--the time when the women stop talking so he can introduce himself. 

RULE #6: HANG AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX
"Don't insult my intelligence. Of course I know that I've got to hang around people of the opposite sex in order to find a romantic partner." 
It sounds a little ridiculous to make something so obvious into a rule. Unfortunately what is obvious isn't always followed. Most people feel most comfortable hanging around their own sex. Don't believe what you read about women's liberation or men's liberation. The fact of the matter is that men and women are very different. Men usually prefer to do "masculine" things and women like to do "feminine" things. As a result, more times than not the sexes don't mingle. 
If you want to meet a man, ask yourself this question: "What do women hate to do that men love to do?" If you're a man ask yourself, "What do men hate to do that women love to do?" Whatever it is, do it. You'll find that there will be very little competition. You'll have all those attractive men or women to yourself. For example, if you're a woman, the best place to meet men is at a basketball gym. 
"Are you crazy? I'm only 5 foot 2 and I have long nails. How am I going to play basketball?" 
Who said anything about playing basketball? What's to prevent you from going down to the gym to watch? 
"But what if a guy comes up to me and asks what I'm doing there? 
You have two options: you can tell the truth or you can lie. If you have the courage, by all means tell the truth: "I'm here to meet men." If you haven't the guts to be honest, then lie: "I thought the NBA game was on tonight and was dying to see some good basketball." All's fair in love and war. If you have to tell a lie that hurts no one in order to find someone for a loving relationship, isn't it worth it? 
So rush down to the gym. If nothing else you'll get to see a bunch of good looking hunks all night running around in their underwear! 
In general just about any sport is a good place to meet single men. Some sports, of course, have a greater surplus of men than others. The rule of thumb is "the bloodier, more violent, more dangerous, more demanding the sport, the greater the surplus of men". Boxing, martial arts, wrestling, and hockey have a greater surplus of men than tennis or bowling, which are quite popular among women. See the chapter on Sports for specific places to watch or participate in individual sports. 
"Enough of this advice for women. What about us guys? Where are all the women hanging out?" 
Try an aerobics class. The ratio is usually 10 women for every man! Or try folk dancing. Here the ratio is usually three to one. In fact you'll usually find more women than men in any kind of event that features dancing (other than singles bars). Women are also more likely to attend classes, seminars, pot luck dinners, and singles clubs in general. 

RULE #7: INITIATE CONTACT
"Oh, oh. I knew there was a catch. I'm willing to lower my expectations, get out of the house, and hang around strangers of the opposite sex. But don't ask me to put my ego on the line and initiate contact. I might get rejected!" 
When you get right down to it, it's the fear of rejection that causes millions of singles to remain single. We're all just plain chicken. 
"All right, I'll admit it. I'm chicken. So what's the solution? How do I overcome the fear of rejection?" 
There's only one way: go out and get rejected. Each time you get rejected you build up scar tissue. You'll find it a little easier to approach someone the next time. Pretty soon you'll be desensitized to the pain of rejection to the point where your fear is manageable. 
But don't expect to ever get rid of the pain of rejection. That will always remain. I've been rejected many, many times, but it still hurts. It's just that the pain has subsided to the point where I don't have a nervous breakdown each time I get turned down. So go out there and make contact! 
"Hold it a second. Men don't like women who initiate contact." 
This is pure b.s. I've asked hundreds of men in my classes this question and over 90% of them answer that they love women to take the initiative. If you're a woman, put yourself in the shoes of single men. All your life the pressure has been on you to initiate contact. You've been rejected countless times. Wouldn't you love to reverse the tables? 
Where does this myth come from that men don't like forward women? I think it has to do with the Law of Rejection: Unless you're one of the lucky 5%, most single people will not find you attractive. In other words, most men are going to reject you. It has nothing to do with them not liking women who take the initiative. They just don't like you. 
"O.k., you've talked me into it. But how should I initiate contact?" 
The first thing is to make eye contact with someone you find attractive and smile. If they return the smile, you're in! If they turn away or fail to smile, things get riskier. If you approach them you know there's a high probability they're going to reject you. On the other hand, they may just be shy. There's only one way to find out. Take the plunge. 
Most singles procrastinate for an hour before making their move. They keep waiting for an opening where they can come over comfortably and initiate contact. Before that happens usually one of two things occurs: the person leaves before you meet them or someone else beats you to the punch. In either case you lose out because you waited for the perfect opportunity. 
The secret to initiating contact is to do it right away before you have time to talk yourself out of it. 
"But what do I say? Give me a sure-fire opening line." 
Sorry, there's isn't one guaranteed to work with everyone. You've just got to come up with the best line you can and hope for the best. If you try a funny line you may impress someone with your sense of humor or you may just end up with egg on your face. 
If you try the straightforward approach, "Hi, I'm Charlie", they may dismiss you as a nerd. So you can't win all the time. But that's not the point. Nobody's keeping score! You only have to win once. Then you're set for the rest of your life. So don't worry about the flops. "Damn the torpedoes; full speed ahead!" 

RULE #8: HAVE SUPERFICIAL CONVERSATIONS
"Wait a second, did I read that right? Have superficial conversations? That's the whole problem with meeting people, you wind up talking about Reagan, the weather, or the latest sports scores. BORING!" 
Do you expect people to spill their guts the first five minutes they meet you? If so, you're very unrealistic. People usually want to feel you out before they open up. They want to make sure it's safe. 
Every intimate conversation with a stranger begins on a superficial level. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find one prince. A dozen phony, boring conversations may be the price you pay for one sincere conversation with someone special. 

RULE #9: PIN DOWN YOUR NEXT CONTACT
Does this situation sound familiar? You meet someone special. You get involved in a superficial conversation. Before you know it, both of you start opening up with private things and feelings. You start laughing. You almost feel like you've known each other all your lives. Could this be the big one? After all the searching, is this it? 
But then the moment of truth arrives. If you meet at the beach, eventually the sun's gonna set. If it's at a bar, at 2 a.m. it's closing time. Sooner or later, wherever you met, the party's over. Before you leave, one of you has to end the conversation. So the two of you stand up and stare at each other, nervous and hesitant. Finally you break the silence. "I had a real nice time talking to you. Hope to see you again." Your new friend replies, "Yeah, catch you next time. 
Disaster can strike so quickly at the moment of truth. Let's look at things logically. If you've seen this person once in forty years, what's the likelihood that you'll ever see each other again? Both of you have blown it. It's back to the drawing board. 
This kind of tragedy happens all the time. Two people meet, obviously are attracted to each other, but then fail to follow through. And so all is for nought. 
"But wait. I'd never be so dumb as to say 'catch you next time'. I'd exchange phone numbers." 
That's a little better, but not much. Think of all the times you've exchanged phone numbers in the past. How many times did you actually get to see the other person again. Probably less than 50%. 
People always are puzzled about this. The women all ask, "How come I meet this guy, we have a great conversation, he asks for my number, I give it to him, and then he never calls? What's wrong with men?" 
Many women are quite bitter about this. They feel betrayed. Often they rush home from work the next three nights expecting him to call. The silence is deafening. What's going on here? There are many reasons why a man doesn't call after asking for your phone number: 
1. He lost it.
2. He forgot who you were. This is common in situations where a great deal of drinking has gone on.
3. He remembered who you were, but forgot what a great time he had with you.
4. He fantasized that you might reject him and therefore chickened out.
5. He called a few times, nobody answered, so he gave up.
"But wait a second, I have an answering machine. Why didn't the jerk leave a message?" 
Many people hate or fear answering machines. Just count the number of times people call and fail to leave a message. In a stressful situation like calling someone for a date, is it that surprising that he might hang up? 
Of course the guys have their version of the story. "How come I run into women all the time who give me their number and then come up with a song and dance about how busy they are each time I call to ask them out?" 
There are many reasons why a woman might not respond positively to your telephone call: 
1. She forgot who you were.
2. She lost interest once she sobered up.
3. She is genuinely very busy.
4. She's afraid of dating.
5. She never intended to go out with you in the first place.
The last reason is the hardest for men to deal with. "If she didn't want to go out with me then why did she give me her damn number?" The best way to answer that question is to pretend you're an attractive woman. All your life men have come on to you and asked you out or for your telephone number. It's hard to say to someone, "I find you unattractive" or "I don't want to go out with you" or "No, you can't have my telephone number". So what do you do? You give up your telephone number, hoping he'll never call. If he does call, you lie. You say that you're busy Saturday night or you have a boyfriend. 
It would be great if we lived in a world where people were honest and didn't play these games. Unfortunately, such is not the case. The price you pay for flirting with women and asking them out on dates is that a certain percentage will lie and pretend to want to go out with you. If you were a woman you'd probably do the same thing. 
One piece of advice that is critical for both men and women is to always confirm a date ahead of time. Occasionally you will find that the phone number that was given to you is a phony or that the person has no intention of meeting with you. You can avoid the pain, frustration, and anger of being stood up by taking this simple precaution. 

RULE #10: DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG PERSON
The great American fantasy is to fall in love and live happily ever after. Unfortunately your heart is a poor judge of character. Many single people fall in love with the wrong person and live miserably ever after. Following your feelings can be a recipe for disaster unless they are based on sound information about this person. How do you get the facts about a potential spouse? The answer is you ask. 
Unfortunately most singles are afraid to getting personal for fear of scaring off a potential loving partner. So they "play it cool" at the beginning of a relationship. They especially avoid "heavy" subjects like sex. 

That's fine as long as your feelings towards each other are casual. But what happens when you fall in love? All of a sudden you panic and realize that you know very little about this special person. So now you start with the personal questions. Then disaster strikes. You discover a fatal flaw. For example, you want to have children and they don't. You want marriage and they don't. They want to move to Denver and you love the Bay Area. 

Now you're on the horns of a terrible dilemma. You can drop the person and go through the agony of a broken relationship. Or you can do what most people do: marry them and hope to change them. Fat chance! You'll probably end up being married to someone inappropriate and resent them for not changing. The way to avoid disastrous relationships is to get personal early in a relationship. 
"Hold it a minute. Get personal with a stranger? That's too risky. They're going to think I'm nosy if I ask intimate questions. There's no doubt that it's risky to get personal. Some people can't handle intimacy. They are closed and feel uncomfortable being around someone who wants to share secrets and intimate feelings. But don't you want to find that out as soon as possible? Or would you rather date a guy for 6 months before discovering that he's an emotional cripple? 

Of course there's nothing wrong with playing it cool for a while. At some point, however, you're going to have to bite the bullet. You're going to have to do two things: pry and reveal. When you pry you ask personal questions. When you reveal you let the other person learn personal things about you. That's all there is to it. 

If you want to play it safe, pry and reveal simultaneously. For example, suppose you're talking to someone who mentions that they were recently living with someone but moved out. Here's your chance to get personal and raise your superficial conversation to an intimate level. You could ask, "Were you dumped or did you do the dumping?" That's getting personal, but there's a good chance you're going to offend the other person with such a heavy-handed question. An alternative is to say, "I was in a relationship until three months ago, but it broke up very painfully for me. How did yours end?" 
"How soon should I get personal?" 

That depends on how long you're willing to wait before falling in love. If you want to chitchat for six months before getting serious about someone, that's o.k. Just remember that you are not allowed to fall in love unless you have the answers to your critical questions. I call them killer questions. If any of them are answered incorrectly the relationship is dead. You drop the person immediately. 


Another Version of the Questions and Tips From Another Dater:

1. Are you single? Pretty obvious, isn't it? You'd be surprised how many people assume that someone by themselves at a party or a dance is single. Always ask. In addition, it makes particular sense for women to ask a man for his home telephone number. If he hands you a business card ask him to write his home number down as well. And be sure to call that number to make sure he isn't married or living with a woman. Be careful with people who answer that they are separated. "Have you moved out?" and "Have you filed for divorce?" are indispensable killer questions. If they are still living with their spouse or haven't yet filed for divorce, it's best you pass and move on to greener pastures.

2. Are you involved with someone romantically? Here's where you avoid someone who already loves someone else.

3. Why didn't your other romantic relationships last? Find out as much as you can about their marriage(s) or past relationships. Hopefully you'll find out their negative qualities. Then you can decide whether you can live with that flaw or should move on to someone different. You can also find out if they are incompatible with a certain kind of person. For example, maybe they can't stand being with someone who is possessive and is always checking up on them. If you are that kind of person, you can move on to someone compatible with your flaws.

4. How do you deal with conflict and problems in relationships? If their preference is to sweep problems under the rug or to fall into a rage, they are not good relationship material.

5. Do you have children? How many? Do you want children? How many? How soon do you want to have children? I have dated two women in the past who wanted to have children. By terrible coincidence both wound up falling in love with men who had had vasectomies. Talk about falling in love with the wrong person! Ask questions first; fall in love later.

6. What are your long term goals? Do you want to get married? Do you want to change careers? Do you plan to go back to school? Are you happy in this area or would you prefer moving elsewhere?

7. What do you like to do sexually? What are your sexual fantasies? Most singles are squeamish when it comes to asking these questions. The result is marriages that are unfulfilling sexually for one or both partners. Another potential result is your partner fulfilling their fantasies with others rather than you. Sexual questions are particularly important if you don't believe in pre-marital sex. In that case there's only one way to find out their sexual preferences--ask.

8. Do you have any contagious diseases? Have you engaged in high risk behavior (intravenous drugs or sex with bisexual or homosexual males)? These are literally killer questions. Falling in love with the wrong person can kill you.

9. How much do you drink? Which drugs do you do, and how often?

Here's a homework assignment. Develop your own list of killer questions. The way to do it is to analyze your previous love relationships. What character trait or behavior pattern of a romantic partner destroyed the relationship? Formulate a question to find out whether a prospect has this trait. 
"How do I know that my prospective romantic partner is answering my killer questions honestly?" 
Unfortunately you can't always trust people. They're going to be tempted to tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth. One way of getting around this is to quiz their parents, relatives, and friends. The ideal person to ask, of course, is their ex-spouse. Find out the "dirt" about a prospective romantic partner before you fall in love. This advice is decidedly unromantic, but it sure beats finding out disastrous information after you fall in love. “




"If my partner finds out I've been snooping around  their private life, there's going to be hell to pay!" 

"I would like to see a process which goes: 1. Meet casual friends in normal life. This doesn't work easily for people who have non-perpetuating social contact circles, or who have restrictions on dating people at work or don't attend social functions where there is a substantial population of single people of a reasonable age group. Thus match.com, which is not normal life, but will have to do in a pinch.
2. Develop a devoted friendship, where you can get comfortable with someone without wondering whether each time is the last time you'll ever see them. 3. Become lovers. Do a great romantic weekend somewhere to start this off. 4. Get married. Or some derivation of this until both of you are ready.
5. Have a family. Optional according to taste. One can stop anywhere along the above continuum with great happiness, if you haven't skipped steps. If you've skipped any steps, you'll hate each other and yourself (you can demonstrate this by trying steps 5 through 1 in reverse)."

"I never met so many goldiggers and gals with superficial checklists in my life.. yikes.. you've got to be careful."

"The bottom line is make genuine contact at all costs. If you connect on a genuine level, you have the ball. Shake it up and have fun. Everyone is bored and sick of the bullshit. An honest moment of connection is refreshing"

"There's plenty to go around. If you hog the ball, the team loses. Your friends are not your adversaries. Work together and everyone wins. Petty competition makes everyone look bad. Worst of all, you look desperate or bitter. everyone likes fun. Keep it fun. It's fun to share."

"People like to fill in the blanks. People also want things to be perfect. Keep your mouth shut and they'll fill in the blanks perfectly. Don't try to guess what they're looking for. It's not about what you say, it's how you listen."

"Women are smart. Take this into consideration. They're good at reading the vibe and are in tune with what's really going down. They know what's happening. Don't manipulate, deny, and condescend. It's insulting."

“Women like attention. It's flattering as long as you're respectful and honest. “

"Be honest with yourself and with them. If you want intimacy, then own up to it. Don't come at them like you're interested in their nail polish if what you really want is intimacy. It's insulting. You're a man, she's a woman. Deal with it. The more you pretend that it's not about sexual attraction, the harder it will be to redefine the parameters. Honesty works like magic if you're free from guilt. The truth shall set you free."

"Lying is bad. Forget the ethical issue, it's bad business. It demonstrates a lack of self-confidence. Even if you get away with it, you're going down the wrong road. But if a friend gets in trouble, sometimes a simple lie can be a perfect parachute."

"You're a man, so present yourself as one. Confidence and being comfortable with one's self is very attractive. So if you're attracted to a beautiful baby, be both confident and comfortable with that. Don't apologize or qualify how you're feeling. She'll respect you for it."

"There's nothing like a good entrance. You wouldn't want to sit at a table that wasn't set. If you're there too early, you look desperate. Show up late like you're "just stopping by," and you come off like the man about town."

"Everyone wants a mystery. Staring deadpan at a beautiful baby cheats her out of the suspense and courtship she deserves. Keep it intriguing and give her the gift of a challenge."

"The strongest will survives. Don't waste your time filling your head with self-doubt. The competition's fierce, so always give yourself the edge. A sense of self-respect makes all the difference in the world. You can be the king of the Jungle or just another hyena cowering at the water hole. It's all up to you."

"Don't hide the fact that you like sex. That doesn't mean act like the fourteen year old on the back of the bus who's constantly pulling on himself and making obscene noises. It just means own your sexuality and don't apologize for it."

"Be a man with a slow hand. The ladies love foreplay, and that's exactly why you wait a few days before you call. No reason to rush it. Let her savor the wait. She'll thank you later."

"Our generation is the first to be presented with the challenge of the answering machine. A good message can put you on the fast track to paradise, a bad one can lead to public ridicule and endless playbacks to the delight of family and friends. The stakes are high. This is no joke.
The golden rule is keep it simple. Don't try to overexplain who you are or how you're feeling. It's a moment frozen in amber. It's a small piece of your soul. Give her a taste--the little pink spoon, not the whole sundae."

"Sometimes it just happens. Let it. Don't let stupid rules from a book get in the way. If you're lucky enough to have things unfold organically, don't ruin it. You're money."

"You're always better off trusting yourself and playing your game. You wouldn't ask Stockton to bang the boards for rebounds and you wouldn't want Shaq trying to drain threes. Stick with what feels right. That way, even if you fail, you've learned something. Trust your instincts and think for yourself. "

" The first date is always in a public place, you take your car, they take their car, both of you leave in your cars and go back to your own homes. The second date is exactly as the first. Exactly as the second.  The fourth date can be in one car, mutually agreeable that each of you will return to their respective homes alone. There is to be no touching as far as long kisses, arms around each other, longer than a few seconds hugging. At no time are the two of you to be alone together.  Any vehicle causes a chance for being alone.  When you arrive home, get out of the car and go inside.  There is nothing wrong with being walked to your door.  However, talking outside is fine, you enter your home alone.  It is my suggestion that you date for the minimum of one year.   If there are children from previous marriages or relationships, they are not to meet your date for the first year.  This causes damage to the children; as they will see people going in and out of your life that they become attached to.  Remember, being without their father or mother is already traumatic enough.”

Sex before marriage is absolutely out.  Many times I have heard people talk about their "friends."  I ask them if they are sleeping with them, and they say yes.  I tell them they are no longer friends.  Remember, you don't sleep with your friends!  Any time alone together is dangerous.  Inappropriate kissing, fondling, etc. will only lead to hormone adjustments and crossing the line is much easier to do in the heat of the moment.  Don't set yourself up to fail.  If you are a single parent with children, just because you had sex at least once in your life, doesn't mean it is all right to have it again.  Become a born again virgin. Avoid conversations that are sexual in nature.  Using the "someday" technique may put you in the present moment faster than you think. If you cannot stand someone's children, don't marry that person.  You will resent the children later and the relationship will fail. Practice makes perfect.  Continue practicing friendship.  You will need this later in your relationship."


My Friends Rules:

"Rule #1
HOW WELL YOU ENJOY THIS GAME = HOW WELL YOU MASTER THE RULES.
It is up to you to learn the rules. Ignorance of the rules will not protect you from the consequences of breaking them.
RULE #2:
HOW WELL YOU ENJOY THIS GAME IS BASED ON THE PURPOSE YOU GIVE IT.
For example, if your purpose is to have fun, to learn about yourself and others, and to develop your social skills, then you can enjoy any given date. (Dating is a great opportunity for learning about you and others, if you so choose). On the other hand, if your purpose is to meet your "soul-mate" (whatever that is)-who will magically and instantly turn your unhappy life into a happy one-then it is virtually certain you will not enjoy any given date, nor the game itself.
RULE #3:
GET A LIFE! (if you don't have one already...)
This means: define and pursue your own interests-and consider building non-romantic relationships with a variety of people, including couples. Dating requires that you invite another person into your life. If you don't have one, you are unlikely to attract someone you would want as a mate, since we tend to attract people who are at a similar "level" as we are. By the way, there is a "rule of life" at work here, which some people don't like: YOU alone are responsible for your happiness; no one else can 'make' you happy. So make your life full and happy!
RULE #4:
MAKE AN ABSOLUTE COMMITMENT TO LOVE YOURSELF- EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T OR DON'T KNOW HOW.
A successful relationship is built on three cornerstones: communication, caring, and commitment. And there is no way you can give these to another if you withhold them from yourself. Consider using this affirmation daily: "I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND AND STRONGEST SUPPORTER; I LOVE AND APPRECIATE WHO I AM!" A powerful "stand," such as this, will support you in practicing Rule #5. Also, being more loving to others will increase your self-love. Plus you'll be much more attractive as a person. **
RULE #5:
GET A HANDLE ON YOUR SELF-TALK!
Your enjoyment of the dating game-or any activity-is related to your self-talk. Most people disempower themselves, at times mercilessly, with negative evaluations of themselves and others. Learn to observe your "internal dialogue" with detachment, like images on a movie screen, and not react to it. (Meditation is very helpful for cultivating this ability). *** Especially, don't take rejection personally: "chemistry" has nothing to do with who you are!
RULE #6:
CHOOSE A COMPANION
-not a friend or love interest: that comes later... (A companion may be defined as a person with whom you share activities, where the activity is more important than the particular person). Pick three (3) people you'd like to get to know better. (If you don't know three such people, go back to Rule #3). Select an activity that you enjoy. Then pick the one person you think you would have the most fun being with, and invite them to share that activity with you.
RULE #7:
EASE UP ON YOUR EXPECTATIONS!
Don't expect your first date with anyone to be "the one."' A loving, committed partnership requires, in addition to "chemistry," shared values and life-style preferences, compatible goals, complementary personalities, and similar expectations of (and capacity to nourish) a relationship. So, plan to meet and go out with lots of people, until you find a real "match." Meanwhile, if you relax and allow things to just unfold, you'll be able to enjoy and get to know your date. And your date will relax, without feeling "sized up." You can discover other kinds of valuable relationships if you're not just focused on romance. And, men, you need to know that "friends" can become "lovers" if you're patient, respectful and loving: a true friend!
RULE #8:
KEEP IT LIGHT:
Don't tell intimate, personal secrets on the first (or second) date! Healthy people know how to protect themselves, and you do this by keeping your sharing to the public level: this means it would be OK for anyone to know this about you. Be genuinely interested in your date, and ask them questions about their life-their interests, work, friends and family, hobbies and preferred fun activities, etc. The more interested you are in them, the more interested they'll be in you (if not, you have a red flag!). Also, it's critical to balance showing interest in the other person and making room for them to show interest in you: if you're always pursuing, it's likely your partner will retreat!
RULE #9:
YOU DECIDE: IS THIS PERSON A FRIEND?
If you determine that you have enough in common, after the first date, and you enjoy one another's company, then it's time to ask yourself this question. At the friendship level, the person is more important than the activity. Here, communication is very important, and you need to be able to recognize and move between levels of sharing. See if you can begin to share at the private level (personal thoughts and feelings you wouldn't want publicly known), and at the intimate level (thoughts and feelings about the other person)-and notice their response: is it accepting or judging (or aloof)? It is useful to imagine four levels of depth in sharing, and to go no more than one level deeper than your partner does. Also, don't confuse private and intimate sharing: e.g., giving details about how you were abused as a child is not a turn-on!
JUST SAY "WHOA" TO SEX!
If you feel comfortable, safe and mutually attracted with your new friend, then it may be appropriate to explore sexuality...(healthy relationships are based mainly on comfort; unhealthy relationships are based mainly on intensity). WATCH OUT HERE! You need to be rigorously honest with yourself: if you're starving for contact, it's very easy to think you see a friend on a first date. But the reality is that they're a stranger, and having sex with a stranger is dangerous!
It is critical to know what sex means to your partner: don't assume anything, ask them. You also need to respect and admire each other as people: you simply can't build a satisfying relationship without these two qualities. Chemistry is important, but it can distort your thinking. Sexual feelings stimulate a myriad of chemicals in the body, which are proven to alter perception like drugs. So exceptional care and consciousness are called for! If you have a history of 'crash and burn' relationships, it's a good idea to get feedback from your friends, before you jump in"




"If you examine it closely, your situation makes a great deal of sense. Men in their twenties have a very different set of priorities than men in their thirties or forties and "seasoned" men are often more mature. The nice thing is, in this case, you and your friends are the beneficiaries. Twenty-something year old men are still searching for who they are, what talents they possess and the type of women they desire. They are experiencing many aspects of life for the first time. Physically, they are approaching their sexual prime and seek physical relationships more often. Sex, money, personal-improvement, material possessions, sports and status are their primary interests and motivational forces. Their 'me' mentality has not yet matured into a "we" philosophy and jealousy often surfaces seemingly without provocation. For older men, this is not the case. By their late thirties, most know who they are or at least who they are not. Many are in the second or third phases of their careers and have learned that there is more to life than money, sex and prestige. You will find that they avoid playing the "mind games' that younger men engage in as they realize this is simply a waste of time. They have learned what physically, emotionally and intellectually satisfies a woman. Seasoned men will be more responsible, get things done and have a life beyond their relationship with you. They will not hang on your every word, nor pressure you for sex, but will truly appreciate the time they spend with you. They realize that in today's busy and complicated world, time is precious. Women assume very different roles in the lives of men depending on the age of the man they are dating. Younger men see women as being there for them. Older men take great personal pride in dating younger women and strive to connect with them on their level. Women indicated that time spent with older men was more meaningful, loving, and enjoyable. They had the ability to hold women's attention, had more life experiences to draw upon and focused less on themselves. "

"If a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, and goes out with another girl within ten to twenty years, he is a "jerk" and "dumped her for someone else. On the other hand, if the girl goes out with somebody mere seconds after she broke up with her ex, its not being mean or shallow, its because her ex is a shallow insensitive jerk who beat her. If a guy dumps a girl, he did it because he is a "selfish pig" that "cares about nobody but himself."  But, on the other hand, if a girl dumps a guy, she was "doing what's best for both of us" because its "not you, its me." No matter how persuasive his argument or how much he explains why he broke up with a girl, that girl, her family, and friends, will always somehow "find out the real reason" or "just make something up so the girl doesn't look bad." If guys act senselessly or stupid, its because they're "jerks" or "assholes" or "selfish pigs that don't care about other people's feelings." If a girl acts senselessly or stupid, its either because: A) Its the guy's fault; B) Its that time of the month (even though they've been acting like it for 3 weeks) and/or they're having "personal problems"; C) They weren't acting senselessly or stupid, you just think that, but you're wrong.

Girls are all heart and don't care about material, one-dimensional things like those "damned male pigs" do.  That's why they have hundreds of pairs of shoes and will only love you if you buy them unbelievably expensive jewelry that has no real purpose or function other than to drain you of what small funds you have."


"Well, okay. It's not exactly the rules. After all, we're talking about something being written by a fellow whose romantic career has been... less than exemplary, shall we say? But, it's bits and bobs I've come up with, especially in talking things over with friends recently due to once again getting interested in someone and having it not immediately turn into utter bliss.

1: Get a Life
Ah, how many times have we heard this shouted at some poor anorak (harmless obsessive) who just can't seem to let go of their pet addiction? Most of us feel contempt-tinged pity for the poor fools who seem oblivious to anything but collecting stamps, or trainspotting, or studying fourteenth-century medieval warfare - and yet sign right on up to the Sad Bastard of the Month Club when it comes to love, complete with the free boxed set of 'Bad Poetry No One Should Write' and '101 Ways to Say "I'm a Sap"'. When you have Romeo and Juliet as a cultural icon of romance, the phrase 'Get a Life' seems rather trite.  Still, this is perhaps the most important advice anyone can take. No matter how interested in someone you are, you can't just dive on in, making them the end-all be-all of each and every day. After all, you need something to talk about, right? Doesn't happen if you spend all your time together. You have to have things that happen in your life that you can discuss and relate to each other.  It also lets off steam. What use is it to love someone else's company if you don't know what missing that company is like? And no two people, no matter how compatible or alike they are, like all of the exact same things in the exact same proportions. Or do you _really_ think that she enjoys playing Tekken for several hours each night?
Also, in a sad, manipulative way, it shows that you aren't desperate. The fact you have outside interests, outside things to do, shows that you can get on perfectly well without the other person - you just prefer not to. It's that old, well-used argument of want versus need. It's much, much better - and I know this from experience - to be wanted, rather than needed. Wanted is a choice, one that doesn't come loaded with requirements and expectations of action. Being needed has a great deal to it in terms of things you have to do for the other person, because they can't provide it themselves or can't do without it.
This also allows for the Consolation Prize category. Should things not end up happening or working out, the fact that you kept up your previous life - and hopefully didn't talk everyone's ears off about your relationship - means that you actually have pe ople you can do things with in the future. Most people don't like being abandoned every time you decide to chase a woman (in my case) or a man - it shows a lack of balance. And, after all, we all know that one of the best ways to meet new people is through your friends...

2: Take it Easy
This is my personal bugaboo. I am not a patient man when it comes to romantic relationships. If the way I tend to handle relationships was compared to highway driving, I'm the fellow that your local law enforcement would always be pulling over for thinking that the accelerator in the car is an on-off switch - either not in use or fully pressed to the floor. Lead foot. Speed demon. Michael Schumacher doesn't hold a candle. Etc.
But, no matter how much you think you can break into the Formula 1 race of dating, pushing things at maximum speed isn't the way to go. Most meaningful relationships aren't going to start with racing ahead to the formal aspects of a relationship without getting to know one another. I shudder to consider people who go home with each other from the club without knowing anything about the other person's personality, likes, dislikes, personal phobias, or even what they prefer for breakfast. If nothing else, relationships should require the same cooling-off period as purchasing a gun in most states in the United States. Sure, it seems a good idea when you're hot and bothered... but do you really know what you're getting into?
I tend to dwell on things in my mind, build them up into gigantic proportion, and then melt down into a little ball in no time. It's probably because I'm a relatively repressed individual, not used to any large swings of emotion one way or another (any disputes with this statement can be given to me. Directly. And I'll bludgeon you until you agree with me). This is Not Good, with capitals. Why, you ask?

Because it labels you as an obsessive. Obsessives are bad. Obsessives cannot react rationally to emotional matters. Obsessives can hurt people, either emotionally or physically. They can become like one fellow, who's been contacting my cousin on a semi-regular basis for several years after she refused to have anything to do with him. Yes, I know, you look at the movies, and think it looks cute. Think again - most places now have laws against that sort of activity, and if you're remotely decent, becoming one of these poor souls is one of the most truly mortifying experiences you can have. Talk about shattering the self-image.

Think of it like cooking. If I'm baking up a batch of my 'dive bombs' (double chocolate chunk cookies, yum!), the only result of cooking them at gas mark 9 will be small charred bits of chocolate dough only good for a Palestinian to throw at Israeli soldiers. However, if I cook them at gas mark 5 for the right amount of time, I have confections suitable for use in bribing large numbers of friends and relatives. Now, I don't know about you - but until I join the intifada, I'll stick with the lower temperature.

If you don't overpressurize and overcook the situation, your relationship, potential or in place, will have time to grow and flower. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and nothing happens in an instant. Let it grow, let it develop. Get to know the person, and let them get to know you. After all, they have just as much of a right to see what they're getting as you do to see what you are trying to catch. That process also allows you two to see that you are both interested in each other for each other, and aren't some sort of raving maniac.

How to deal with this one? Don't expect immediate results. Indulge liberally in Rule Number 1 - Get A Life. Not too much - you do want to show you're still interested. But do other things. Don't hover over her, being there all the time, no matter what the time. Do other things. Put other parts of your life forward as being important, and do them - even if that can put you out of doing some of the things you could otherwise be doing with her. Allow some time to lapse between seeing each other - a day or a few can really bring home how much you wish you were seeing each other. As opposed to you both wishing you were not seeing each other, and won't they please just go away!

3. Be Sincere
We all know Cary Grant. Suave on screen, the man exuded charm. Hair always perfectly in place, clothes always perfectly tailored unless he's been diving through some cornfield in the middle of Illinois. He knew the right drink to have - and to order for the lady, too. Never a fashion faux pas, always the master at being the best example of sophistication you could imagine. This man could charm the ladies left, right, and centre, with the right compliment, the right gallantry, the right whispered phrase.

Now, look in the mirror. Does that look like Cary Grant? I hate to be the one to break it to you, bub...
In the real world, that doesn't work. Well, yes. It can. But it shouldn't. More importantly, if you're reading this, it isn't likely to work _for you_. You are more likely to come off sounding like some Turkish rug dealer from a B movie from the forties, slimy, lewd, and frankly somewhere farther down on the evolutionary scale than your everyday common garden slug. How's that for a comparison?
There is a certain art to seduction involving complimenting a woman in such a way that most women these days recognise all too well and want no part of. It's often erroneously attributed to Mediterranean men, though I've seen Germans, English, and Americans try it too. It takes a certain knack, a certain arrogance, and in my opinion, a certain contempt for women to try it. I don't think I'd _want_ the type of woman who would go for it.

Now, I'm offbeat, often disconnected mentally, and awkward at the best of times. While that sounds bad, it's also my charm, so we go with what we have. And that, my friends, is the exact point I'm making. Women are just as quirky, if not more so, then men. But what they prize is getting to know your quirks. Honestly is immensely flattering. Telling someone they look beautiful because you happen to think they do, rather than as some pickup line, does amazing things for your standing in their eyes. Being who you are, and trusting them enough _to be who you are_ is just as flattering.
This doesn't mean you have to sit around grouching about the last sporting match you happen to see and scratching itchy parts of your anatomy. That's not honest either. What is needed is to show how you honestly feel. If you are interested in them, what they have to say is important - so show you're listening. Respond to what they have to say - if they've any respect for you, they'll listen when you in return have something to expand on, or take a position opposite to whatever they're saying. Even if you agree, nodding to show that, or saying something to that effect shows that you heard what they have to say, and that it actually got processed by that grey goo called a brain that resides between your ears.

Want to know something? Ask a question. Just make sure you listen to the answer. Don't like something they're doing? Tell them - politely. Feel a certain way? Tell them, but in a respectful fashion. You will be amazed what credit it does for you to be able to sit down, without some massive emotional hyperbole but with intense, deep sincerity and meaning, and tell someone that you are interested in them as more than a friend and wish to know how they feel about you. Don't declare your undying love, don't wail about how you can't live without them - because, let's face it... you can. Or else you're in that obsessive category we discussed above, and therefore don't deserve them. What you are doing is letting them know precisely where you stand - no hyperbole, no exaggeration, no untruths. Provided you've picked a good one, they'll give you the same back in spades.

4. Know when to back off.
Ever Star Wars? I'm sure you know the scene - the Rebels are attacking the Death Star, and Gold Group is making its trench run in their spiffy little Y-wings to hit that exhaust port, while Luke and the rest of the X-wings are chopping their way through the TIE fighters above. Remember the radio traffic for that scene? Let me paraphrase:
Gold Leader: I can't get a shot
Wingman: Stay on target...
Gold Leader: I can't manoeuvre!
Wingman: Stay on target...
Gold Leader: You're too close!
Wingman: Stay on target...
Gold Leader: Loosen up!
Wingman: Stay on target...
Meanwhile, dear old Gold Leader is doing his best to imitate the nine o'clock fireworks show at any Disney amusement theme park you can name. Pull this stunt, and your intended love interest will likely blow up - but you'll be the one to get incinerated.

This is probably the hardest part for most people. No one likes being helpless, or waiting for someone else to make a decision. We all want to just say that one thing more that will cause the clouds to part, the sun to shine, and everything to be all right. Surely, there's just that one phrase we're just about to find that will convince them that we are The One, that everything will be All Right, and that they can indeed find happiness and contentment in your arms...

Hate to tell you, but the road to hell - or the exhaust port on the Death Star, depending on how much your life is wrapped up in LucasFilms - is paved with exactly those sorts of good intentions. You can be doing wonderfully to convince someone of the rightness of your cause, but belabour the issue so much you end up annoying them to the point where you put yourself right out of contention. More is not better. More is just... more.

I'm not saying you should back off from everything. Anything but. If you have an objection to something, make it - otherwise you're just a sap. If you have a point to make - make it. But do not, under any circumstances, just keep nattering on. That shows a disrespect for your intended, as she will see it as you not believing you heard her, and that you think she can be convinced simply by sounding like a broken record player.

Take for instance one of those hypothetical situations when you've broached the possibility of a relationship with her. She's interested, but lists off a few reasons as to why now is not a good time - and why it may never happen. Contrary to some people's beliefs, you are allowed to register objections to these reasons. However, you have to do so in a specific way. You can answer these points cogently - make your response to the point. Make it reasoned, without whining, yelling, or other such cheap emotional ploys, and actually address the points they bring up. Make your point while fully accepting their reason as valid - do not blow it off as specious. After all, they are convincing _to her_. Telling her in not so many words that she can't reason her way out of a paper bag is not a good start to a relationship! Finally, make your points only once. There is likely never going to be a conversation where she is listening more intently to you than in those moments - so make them count.

Bringing it up again at another time does you no good. You are not, as much as it would seem you are, trying to convince her at the time to date you. It's unlikely to happen. The idea of dating someone is, obviously, an emotional one, and emotions don't tend to change just by snapping the fingers. She will need time to mull over what you have to say, to mull over her feelings and how things have been changing between you lately, and mull over what changes in her life this will bring. It may take hours. If so, count yourself lucky. It may take days. It may take weeks. Or months. Or even years - though by that point it's likely moot. But it _will_ take time, and you need to be patient with it. Pushing it will only label you as obsessive, or obnoxious, or as a cretin. Or all three.

An addendum to this. Don't push your friends too much. Yes, talk to them about the matter - but try to keep it to when you need to. Otherwise they won't be nearly as willing to listen to you after several sessions of playing the Boy who cried Wolf. Even if they are still willing to listen, they won't be in a position to give you nearly as good advice, much as a soldier who's been on watch for several hours is not nearly as effective as one who's just taken up his post.

5. Enjoy it As it Comes (Or, Don't Write The Script)
I once had a girlfriend who would begin the most blazing arguments with me over what seemed to be the oddest things. Say a special event in our mutual lives had come up. I'd perhaps get her flowers, and then take her to dinner. The night would seem fine, but she'd get more and more angry, no matter how witty or charming I might be, no matter how good the food was, or anything else I could do. Then, later, when it was much, much too late, I'd find out what my sin was.

Simply put, I'd not followed the script.

In nearly all of these cases, my fault was not what I had done, or even having forgotten to do something I'd promised to do. It was for having not somehow read her mind and done what she had imagined the night would be like, and I would do. I'd have gotten her roses, instead of Irises, or picked the wrong restaurant, or not greeted her in the exact way she liked. Every time, her Rudolph Valentino would muff his lines, and turn out to simply be me, played in a special performance by me, and with Warner Brothers absolutely refusing to negotiate a change of actors for the current film.

This is a warning about expectations. Simply put, the more you have, the more likely you are to be disappointed in a big way. Having reasonable ones is fine - being surprised at being treated politely by another human being is standard, and showing such surprise makes people wonder about your home life. But making expectations about how someone will react to your romantic advances is a great way to get yourself in trouble.

Expecting the girl to swoon at your feet the instant you even hint at liking her is ludicrous. If they do, I'd check your wallet. Moreover, expecting such a reaction will set you up for one large emotional fall. Building up this amazingly rosy picture in your mind is like creating any complex piece of art - getting it shattered hurts like hell. The point of expressing your interest in a relationship is to demonstrate your willingness to invest in them as a person. If you've invested in some fanciful creation of your mind, you are missing the point.

Thinking too optimistically in that way is bad - it can even make you arrogant. But don't write the script as a failure, either. That creation can affect how you go into the conversation - so if you think she's just going to turn you down, she likely will if you let yourself act like it's a foregone conclusion. Part of showing that interest and having that conversation is that you are confident enough in yourself as a partner that it is actually a decision that she needs to make, as opposed to being an obligation on her time by asking her a question that you yourself have already decided is a 'no'.

In short, don't freight the possibilities with too much emotion. Consider it a mystery in life that you wish, out of sincere curiosity, to have answered. I am interested, therefore I want to know if you are interested. Don't turn it into an arrogant request for a rubber-stamping of your decision that you two are in a relationship, and don't turn it into her having to console you for being inadequate as a human being. Make it straightforward, make it respectful, make it from one equal to another. After all, we are talking about romantic relationships, which should be about two equals dealing with one another. If you had something else in mind, you're reading the wrong piece of work.

The key to this whole wonderful world is enjoying what comes of it. If you are trying for a true relationship with this person, you should be enjoying her company as a friend as much as you would enjoy her company as a partner. So enjoy it! Take the time of getting to know her as a person and as a friend and make the most of it, enjoying it all the while. If you can't enjoy her company in a situation where you're not in the midst of full-blown loving, you have serious problems that have to be worked out, fast. If you can't let go of control enough to account for anything that comes up... then you shouldn't be asking to share your life and control thereof with someone else - anyone else.

6. Allow for the Sequel
... and don't do it in order to make another 100 million dollars at the box office. I don't care how much you enjoyed the wire work in _The Matrix_, the horror films of the eighties and the umpteen 'Rocky' movies should have convinced everyone that sequels merely for form's sake or for another buck are just wrong. Mel Brooks was spot-on with his line in _Spaceballs_: "And hopefully we'll meet again in _Spaceballs 2: The Search For More Money_."

No matter how dire the film industry is in rehashing good movies into dog food and tossing them back into the cinema-viewer's trough, there is a glimmering of a good idea in this. Simply put, when you ask your interest if she is interested in a relationship, you need to make sure that there is actually able to be the follow-on period after the question.

Let me put it another way: you do not live in an sit-com where the screen will fade to black with a laugh track going when you find your way to inform her that you want a relationship. You'll still be there, right in the middle of thing, as will she. No 'cut!', no pause button - and no rewind and no edit. However much you may be cringing inside and desperately wishing to rewind your life just a few precious seconds.

This is the part where you consider the short-term, medium-term, and long-term consequences. Love is great, as is the thought of it - but have you actually thought, or are you caught up in that rosy glow that usually involves fanciful creatures such as pink elephants running by at the edge of your peripheral vision? Much as I enjoy Fantasia - the old version - I wouldn't want to live in the movie. If you haven't stopped to consider things rationally, it's time to start.

First, the short term. Are you asking her in a way that's not going to leave one or the other of you so embarrassed or angry that a 'yes' is not a possibility? However nice the emotion is, sending it over via a stripper is not likely to win you any points. Nor is taking more time than the current session of Parliament to get your speech out - Jimmy Stewart didn't look so hot by the end of 'Mr. Smith Goes To Washington', and there's good reason why. Each person is different, so you have to make the pitch appropriate to the person who it is aimed at. Some people find gallantry wonderful, while others wretch and look for the gong to bang to get you pulled offstage. It's the same for any sort of approach.

Similarly, pay attention to where and when you do it. The situation is just as important as the general state of your current friendship with the person. Asking a gal on a date while the other guy is on his knee proposing to her is usually considered bad. In all honesty, though, think about it - if you've been fighting all day over something or other, it's not usually a good time. In general, if it will merely add stress to the person's life rather than being something positive, don't bring it up. There are better times, and you are needed more as a friend than as someone trying to change the current situation - which requires them to be strong.

Know when to end the conversation. This has been covered earlier, but is important to know. If she says yes, well, no worries. But if you get a qualified statement or a no, you need to make it possible for a graceful exit with no one being hurt. Don't just stammer something out and high-tail it out - that's rude. Be adult about it, let conversation go elsewhere or just drop if that's where it happens. Say goodbye when you go - show that you have no hard feelings. This is immensely important. Just because they can't always take you up on your offer doesn't mean they are personally insulting you. It just means they aren't taking you up on your offer. _Nothing more_.

Now the medium-term. This is the next few weeks or even months. Again, a 'yes' is easy to deal with - you have the relationship and go on with life. If it's qualified, you have to figure out that balance.
Do you wish to continue showing interest? Know before you ask the question about the relationship. If you get that qualified 'no', with reasons given for not taking you up despite your both being interested in each other, you need to know where you stand. If you wish to continue showing interest, make sure that she knows you will do so, and make sure that this is acceptable to her. Doing so puts all your cards on the table and makes it so that there are no misunderstandings whatsoever. It is not asking her to change her mind - it is merely a request on your part to continue courting her in a gentlemanly, relaxed manner, giving her the option to bring back up the possibility of romance if she wishes it.

If this is welcome, consider carefully how to do it without stressing them by being too close, how to keep showing your interest by not dropping away entirely, and how you can relate to each other while waiting in limbo. Do _not_ bring up again the question of relationship. The fact you're still flirting and talking with her and showing that interest that you were just before asking is enough to show the question is still there. But it's in her court. Don't bring it up for a couple of months, at least - otherwise you're a pest.

Be very careful here. It is all too easy to read into everything after this point and truly screw up your friendship, let alone anything deeper. It is utter hell - trust me, I know. But it can be worth it. Eventually, you will either lose interest, they will tell you to stop - in short, move things to a 'no' - or they will take you up on your initial request for more than friendship. But it's in their court.
If they do say no, you need to know how to conduct yourself around her in the future. If you are good friends, very little should actually happen, unless you made it so awkward in asking that she'll always feel the awkwardness. After all, a good friend doesn't like causing their friends pain - and if you make it difficult, she'll feel the fact she's causing you pain, thus causing the awkwardness. Know where you stand - whether you can continue being friends, or whether you need to escape for a bit before taking the friendship back up again. Whatever you do, don't make it so that there's bad feeling. That's just handling life badly.

In the long-term, everything is a different ball-game. Your intent for this should be to make anything possible, really. If you get a 'yes', I sincerely hope you're still operating under the mandate of that answer for a very long time. If you get that 'no' - things can change over time. But wait a long time, so that things can change. You would be amazed what six months can do, or even longer. Just make sure that it is a long time - your feelings need to change too, or at least move with time and not simply remain frozen in that previous moment. As for the qualified 'no', make it so that should at some point she changes her mind, she can come to you, or so that she'll be good friends with you and cheer you on when you find someone else. Should you still be interested in her later on, and you've been courting away for a long while without her telling you to quit... says something, doesn't it? You'll have figured out if you're getting strung along by a certain point. Just be sure to be able to acknowledge when things aren't going to change.

In Conclusion...
Dating is hell. I have never undergone anything that can make my heart pound as wildly, my lungs seize up so dramatically, or my brain fry in a pan as much as trying to get that girl right there - no, the one just to the right there - to agree to go have a coffee with me. I have made nearly every error possible for a guy to make while still staying with legally and morally safe grounds in trying to get that question across, and I'm still here, and still trying. I've even succeeded a time or two. The final point: don't give up hope. I've done so numerous times, and have been proven so, so very wrong. You may have found 'the one' - and may do so repeatedly. I have, much to my own amusement. My experience has taught me that there is a different 'one' for nearly every time in our lives, and that it is a rare (but wonderful) thing for one person to be that for all those times. Do not despair! There will be more chances, more opportunities, more people in your life - and finding all that out and learning from the experience of doing so is some of the best entertainment out there, not to mention good for getting your heart rate up for long periods of time. Give humanity a chance - you'll be surprised at the results"



"THE  SEXIST "RULES" for guys:

1. Be a "creature unlike any other." However, in particular think in terms of "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" (Universal 1954), a dark monster that conquers her. Beauty and the Beast. Chicks love that shit.

2. Don't talk much to a girl (but do take her dancing.) She only wants to talk about relationships and girl stuff anyway. So take her dancing. They go nuts for this. Learn enough to get by and look cool, though you won't need it much after you have her hooked. In the meantime you can flirt with the other girls on the dance floor.

3. Pay her way on the date, but expect to get back in kind. Buy her a nice meal, so that she knows what she owes you in exchange for the meal. In addition, if you buy her a fancy schmancy $50 dinner at some ritzy place, she won't be able to turn down your request for a $300 "loan" until you can "get to the cash machine." Good investment.

4. Don't call her after sex. Make her wait a few days. Girls do this stare at the phone thing, makes them all anticipatory. Don't give them what they want. Call her in a couple of days or if you get horny again. Also, after sex, just roll over and go to sleep, even if she hasn't had an orgasm yet. You did a lot of work and you're tired, and you have important work to do tomorrow.

5. Always end phone calls first. Especially if she's read the Girl's Rules that tell her to do this, you won't have to worry about long phone calls. I mean girls can yak so long on the phone.

6. Don't give her any warning about a date. Make sure she stays free all the time in case you call. And more to the point, keep yourself free in case something comes up elsewhere, if you know what I mean. If you call and she's not available, act real hurt, make it seem like you will end the relationship if she does this a lot.

7. Tell her what she wants to hear (ie. Lie.) You like long walks on the beach. You love kids. You like to cook. You're looking to settle down in a country home with that one special girl. You love horses, paris, chick movies, sushi and Meryl Streep. You support her goals. Tell her you're rich, famous, whatever. She'll figure out the more ridiculous ones eventually but if you play this right you'll get laid first and have her captured. Don't be scared to eventually talk to her about "the relationship" -- girls go for this. Just be sure not to believe it yourself.

8. Stop dating her if she doesn't put out by the second date.
Pretend like you're not super eager to get laid but drop the hint with gentle physical contact. It is nice to date easy chicks and all and get laid on the first date, but some of the hottest ones like to wait a date. However, if she doesn't at least give you a blowjob by date #2, #3 at the latest, there are better investments out there. On date #3, remind her of the "third date rule."

9. Tell her you love her. This is the big corollary of rule #7. Don't do it right away but definitely do it if she's showing reluctance on that blowjob. Practice saying it like you mean it. As the old saying goes, "Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that you've got it made."

10. No more than casual sex on the first, or 100th date. Definitely don't get too involved, as she might ask to be monogamous or something. Make sure that you never let yourself get tied down.

11. Tell her what to do. Hey, in the end they all want to be dominated. So make all the decisions and see how she goes for it. If so, you can probably get this to continue in the bedroom. No girl is perfect, but most of them like to please a man so you can change the one(s) you have to fit your needs.

12. Be the bad boy. Girls love the "bad boy." They hope they can "reform" him, or they're a case of point #11 above. Either way, you can be as bad as you like. Treat her like she doesn't exist. Be mysterious. Dangerous. Wear cuffs and a leather motorcycle jacket, even if you drive a Hyundai. (Park the Hyundai somewhere else and walk to where you meet her, though.) Remember, nice guys don't get laid.

13. Don't let her know anything she can pin on you. Girls like to get close to their guy, and "communicate." But later, if you break up, she might try and get back at you so for crissake don't let her know anything she could use or spread to others. Invent deep intimate stuff you can tell her in bed, she'll go for it. If you can't think up your own, buy one of those books with Fabio (the guy from the "I can't believe it's not butter" commercials) on the cover and be one of those guys. (God, this guy can't tell butter from margarine and chicks swoon over him? Something strange going on here.)

14. Don't tell her you're married! For some reason they get really upset. When you take off your ring, get some tanning lotion or put your hand under a sunlamp to make sure it's not visible where you took it off. Or tell your wife you just don't want to wear a ring; invent some sort of bizarre hand disease or rice picker accident. Anyway even the ones who haven't read the Girl's Rules don't want to date married guys so don't let her (or your wife) know.

15. Be a pain to live with. Well, this isn't a thing to so much try to do as a reminder to be yourself. If you shack up, don't alter your own life just to make it easier for her. One exception, which is admittedly a royal pain, but worth it -- put the toilet seat down after you take a wizz. She sees that and she'll think she's found god's gift to girls, and she'll give you better sex than a $300 hooker. Compare -- 5 seconds of your time each day to put down the seat vs. $300 blowjob. No brainer!

16. Don't get caught staring at her tits or other girls'. For some reason girls don't like it when we stare at their tits when we talk to them. And they don't like us staring at other girls' either. As if we have a choice! Anyway, they're watching for this so don't get caught. Check their eyes, then do your looking.

17. Don't let her leave your things in your apartment. Or give her a key, until you're sure you can count on her for very regular nookie. Otherwise they might try to insinuate themselves into your life before you are sure of this.

18. Even if you're engaged or married, you still can play around. I mean, do they own you or something? This rule is the most fun.

19. Do The Rules even when your friends or parents think you're nuts! Truth is, you're getting laid, and they are just jealous.

20. Don't give her the ring, but make her think you will -- or give her a fake ring. Drop hints and pretend like some day you want to be married to her, but don't actually do it. You can even get engaged if you want to lock in some regular pussy. There's no law that says you actually have to follow through with the ceremony. Plus, it takes an expert to tell cubic zirconia from a diamond, and if she takes her ring to an expert she clearly doesn't trust you and is a lost cause anyway. You can get one of these rings for about $100 and trust me you'll get a fuck worth far more than that out of it.

21. Double check the birth control. There's a trade off here. On one hand you don't want to use condoms, so get her on the pill ASAP. On the other hand if she runs the birth control she might blindside you with something annoying like a kid just to hook you. You decide. If she gets pregnant, take the new "morning-after" pill for guys. (It alters your blood type.)

22. Don't discuss The Rules for Guys with girls. Like I need to explain this one to you? Do they explain their rules to us? Thought not.

22a. Don't discuss The Rules for Guys with your therapist. Because if you have a therapist you've really missed the point of The Rules for Guys.

23. Figure out her romantic dream. Almost all girls have one. In 90% of cases it's the knight in shining armour, the handsome prince or the tall, dark and handsome mysterious stranger. Harlequin Romances isn't exactly going broke selling girls books about how a guy comes into the girl's life and does something as simple as fixing her car to make her life right and sweeps her off her feet. You would be amazed at the "mileage" you can get just by taking her car down to the shop. Though if you can find a good mechanic, let me know, OK? Anyway, subtly find out her own personal romantic dream, and play-act it. On the cheap, of course -- you only have to play-act. While she may dream of a billionaire who whisks her away to his ranch in his jet, she'll settle for a $60 rental limo and a $40 1-hour rental horseback ride.

24. Sometimes ya gotta break The Rules. Hey, Burger King said it best. And it's a great place for a cheap date (use $4 from the $300 she "lent" you.) But in this case I mean you gotta break the Girl's Rules.

25. Do The Rules girls. Yes, you can! If you suspect that some really attractive girl is following The Rules for girls, take heart. I mean if she's a dog, lose her. But if she's got a great set or you have some other reason to particularly want her, you now know her exact game and can use it to get her. The book tells these girls to follow its rules religiously, even when they don't make sense. You will have to wait 6 dates, but the authors do tell girls over 30 it's OK to have sex, so they will. Forget young "The Rules" girls unless you are really keen on virgin-plucking. You only have to date 'em once a week -- if you date them Friday then you are free as a bird on Saturday; they'll end calls and dates; they won't call you when you have other girls over -- a lot of advantages, and as long as you see past all the manipulative "hard-to-get" tricks you won't be fooled, just laid. First, you have to check if she's a The Rules girl or just a stuck-up bitch. Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate them. Test this by first telling her how much you admire a girl who sticks to her principles, and then call her Thursday telling her you just got front-row Orchestra seats to the Boston Pops (a classical musical group) concert on Friday. If she says yes, she's the stuck-up bitch. Say, "Did I say Boston Pops? I meant Iggy Pop!" and dump her.
If she says a reluctant no, she's a The Rules girl. The book tells them never to accept a weekend date after Wednesday. Rush out to the bookstore to get a copy of The Rules. You'll find it in the dating/relationships section. Since there is zero chance you've ever gone near that section before, ask at the cashier's desk. When you get to it you'll know why you've never been to this section before from the titles of the books. Venus and Mars Together Forever. Men who hate women and the women who love them too much. Like Dave Barry says I am not making this up. You're the only guy in weeks to go to this section other than to laugh at the titles, so if you're lucky some chick might even hit on you. But if not, go buy the book, and then read it. It's short. Now you'll know her exact game. Problem is, as noted, it will be 6 weeks until you get laid. Be sure you have something else on the side during those six weeks. But look at the advantages. Other than those noted above, you'll learn that she won't bring up crap like "marriage" or "kids" or "the relationship." She expects you to bring these things up. Soon the book will tell her to dump you. Track this, and make sure to start dating another The Rules girl before the breakup -- 6 weeks before the breakup if you can time it right.

26. Do The Rules For Guys and you'll get laid. Don't forget this. You may be tempted to break them, to be "nice" or "sensitive" or even listen to her. But everybody knows that nice guys don't get laid. You want to be nice or in the sack? I thought so. "




"I just read that 47,000 women answered People Magazine's reader's poll on the subject of what women want in men. They reported that the most important attribute for a man to have is a sense of humor, according to 43%. 31% value sensitivity first. 19% say intelligence. 6% rank good looks first, and just 2% say money is most important. Once the guy gets her phone number, 47% of women expect him to call within 24 hours, and 47% will wait up to three days. Only about 5% are still willing to hear from him after a week. “


I'm curious on your take, Doc. What do you think? Which is the truth and which is the brainwashing? Gordon - who wants to know if women are capable of communicating what they actually want.

Hi Gordon,
Brainwashing, yep, you can say that again. As usual, the politically correct Feminista-dominated media have come up with a bunch of half-truths when it comes to understanding women. Why? To confuse you guys even more that you are.

Remember that trying to find out what women want by asking them is like trying to get Gary Condit to tell you how he honestly feels about marriage and commitment. You'll get an answer, but it won't have much to do with reality.

I have interviewed thousands of women and not one ever said to me:
1. I want a man whom I can't control.
2. I want a man who, when I test him, does not give in.
3. I want a man who keeps me guessing.
But you will see many women in long term-committed relationships with guys who have these traits. OK Gordon, now let's go over this list so I can un-brainwash you and the rest of mankind.
Yes, most women do prefer a guy with a sense of humor. When a guy is able to consistently make a woman laugh, it shows her that he is confident and also fun to be with. And as we all know, girls just want to have fun. But the idea that a sense of humor is the number one attribute that women look for in a man is a bunch of malarkey.

In order for a woman to even give a hoot whether you have a sense of humor she first has to find you physically attractive. If she's not physically attracted to you, you can be more hilarious than Robin Williams on speed and you still won't have a chance for romance with her. The Reality Factor says that you have to pass (her) Physical Attraction Test first in order to get to first base.
If a sense of humor were really the trait that women found most important in men, then all the funny guys who look like Danny De Vito would be as successful with women as all the handsome hunks.
It's fascinating to observe how reluctant women are to admit how important looks are to them - as evidenced by these poll results. You don't necessarily have be the hunk from heaven, but in order to click with a particular chick, you need to have a look that she likes or you ain't gonna get the love boat out of the dock no matter how hard you paddle.

The poll results revealed that 31% of women say they value "sensitivity" foremost. Now there's a loaded word if I ever heard one. What do they mean by "sensitivity?" They don't explain it, do they?
What a woman usually means when she says she wants a "sensitive" guy, is that she wants a guy who will share all of his emotional pain, will dutifully listen to her complaints about everything and will happily take orders from her. Of course this type of guy is always getting rejected or he is kept around as a dartboard for all of her zingers. You see, Gordon, more female propaganda.

So almost half of the women who responded to the poll expect a guy to call within 24 hours? Yeah, they EXPECT a guy to call within 24 hours because 90% of men can barely wait even that long before they call. Unfortunately, thousands of guys are going to read those poll results and will feel even more justified in jumping the gun as they always do.

And according to the poll, only 5% of women are willing to hear from a guy after a week. FALSE! It would have been much more helpful and revealing if the People pollsters had asked those women a question like: Have you ever had a relationship with a guy who waited a week or longer to call you? If so, why did you date him even though he waited that long? Then we would have gotten some valuable information.

19% (1 in 5) want intelligence. Does this mean that 4 out of 5 women are looking for stupid life long partners?  And now guys, for the biggest whopper of them all. According to the poll, only 2% (1 in 50) of women are gold diggers. How does that jive with your experience? How many women have asked you, "What do you do?" Remember; don't get brainwashed by the poll-takers questions and women's answers."

"The money deal makes us guys crazy. If the guy pays, then the girl should drive to see him, or sleep with him or absorb some other offset. No matter what a guy says, under any circumstance, in any world, in any place.. if the guy pays then he expects some kind of reciprocation from the girl PERIOD. Now, He might not even consciouisly acknowledge this but you better believe that millions of years of genetic programming is not going to disappear in the few generations since womens liberation. Oh Yes.. Womens Lib.. Wasn't that the thing where women wanted everything equal from that point forward into history.. OH Right except when it comes to getting guys to pay for things.. uh, huh... and also on genetic programming, scientists have proven with absolute certainty that it exist. It has al;so been proven without a doubt that men were programmed to hunt the dinosaurs and jump all the women and the women were programmed to hang out in the cave and wait for the guys, so women have actually evolved more than guys and guys would have to acknowledge this. But, It is unfair for women to say that guys only want to have sex and not acknowledge that they have no control over their biochemical drives. Women need to be more understanding of all of guys built-in problems. We can't help it, we can only try to control it."

"Respect a women with your entire heart and you will win hers everytime."

"The women on one major dating site have this huge question sheet they send to all of the guys. I got one and I fixed it up so it works for everybody. Here, use it. If you get all the answers off of somebody you can pretty much mary them, sign them up as roommates or whatever, on the spot:
Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, lover or husband/wife? What is your ethnicity? What kind of education did you have? What are your hobbies: and interests? Are you afraid to get close? Are you ambitious? Are you emotionally available? List three things that really push your buttons? Name a place you would like to go? Are you an "indoors" person? Are you an artist? What is the most positive, and negative, relationship experience you have had? Are you and "outdoors" person? How many friends do you have in your social circle? Are you creative? In what ways? Are you Gay? Bi? Straight? Are you romantic? Are you shy about your body? Are you sleeping with anyone now? Are you thinking about moving in the next few years? Are you willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement for work purposes? Can you go play during the day? At night? Midweek? Weekends? Can you have a monogamous relationship today? How often do you change your sheets and towels? Describe your childhood? Describe your sense of humor? Describe your work? Do you believe in the supernatural? Do you wash you hands before eating? Do you brush your teeth after eating? Do you believe that one person can have a productive impact on world change? Do you drink alcohol? Do you enjoy your work? Do you go out to eat a lot? Do you have a pet? What kind? Do you have call waiting? If someone calls do you get rid of the person you were talking to? Do you have children? Do they live with you? Ages? Do you have insomnia? Do you like to be held while sleeping? Is your monthly cycle likely to interact with a date or trip we have planned? Do you have sex during that time of the month? Do you like to cook or bake? Do you live in a house, condo, apartment, etc? Do you like soft touch? Do you own a car? What kind? Do you own a computer? How does stress affect your lovemaking ability? Do you own a FAX and what is the number? Do you practice any particular diets or eating habits? Do you sleep-in on Sundays? Do you Smoke?, If so will you quit? Do you snore? Do you take a shower at night or in the morning on a regular basis? Would you switch from morning to night or vice versa? Do you understand and distinguish between the five states of intimacy (IE: Being sensual, being erotic, having sex, making love, F**ng)? Do you want a relationship? Do you wear pajamas?
Do you wiggle or kick in your sleep? Favorite food? Have you ever been to an analyst, psychiatrist or psychologist? Why? Have you ever made love outside? Have you ever slept with someone on the first date? Have you had a recent STD test since you were with someone? Are you willing to provide a doctors certificate of HIV/AIDS testing from the last 30 days if your partner also does? Have you recently broken up with someone? How do you feel if you have to go to work earlier than your mate and they get to stay in bed and sleep longer? How do you feel right now? How do you prefer the weather? How does answering these questions make you feel? How does fast make you feel? How long has it been since your last significant relationship? How long have you lived where you live? How many dates have you ever had? How many different people have you ever been with sexually? How many parties do you go to in an average month? How much do you earn per year? How much time do you spend on the phone each day? How should who-pays-for-what be allocated when going out? How would you describe your personality? Is religion a part of your life? Is spirituality a part of your life? What 3 magazines do you read most? What are the medical tests and requirements for you to safely have barrier-free sex? What are you allergic to? What are your erotic "kinks"? What are your expenses per year? What are your favorite clothes to relax in? What are your favorite TV shows? What are your feelings about having children? What are your feelings about marriage? What do you think of you and me in a relationship, so far as you can tell, all other things being equal, based on projection? What do your friends say is your worst habit? What is the longest you have worked at one job? What is you favorite place ion the whole world? What is your astrology sign? What is your favorite body of water? Use an adjective to describe how thinking about it makes you feel? What is your favorite season? What is your favorite surface or texture? What is your idea of a great weekend escape? What is your political viewpoint? What is your bodytype? What are your sexual needs relative to specific actions or techniques? If your mate was sick or stressed, how long go you put up with them being like that before looking elsewhere? Can you handle intensity? What kind of birth control do you use? What kind of intimacy have you been used to on a first date? What kind of music do you like? What percent of your ex-mates do you still talk to? What style of clothes do you wear? What time do you generally get up? What time do you generally go to bed? What time do you usually go out at night? How late do you usually stay out? What was the reason you were terminated from all of the jobs that terminated you? Who are your heroes? What are you the most frustrated about in your life? Would you understand if your mate couldn't sleep if they held you all night? Your drinking habits? Your position on recreational drugs? Do you smoke at all? What is your position on who should pay for what? What is your position on how much money you should be provided with by your boyfriend of husband each day, week or month?"


" Most of the gals will cancel a few hours before the day or the same day as the date. They get so many offers that they will take the best one for that day or they will get cold feet at meeting a real person and bail. Plan on a large percentage of last minute cancellations and plan a back-up plan"


DEFINITIONS: PARTY: 1.  (verb, transitive) To engage in markedly heterosexual activities (e.g.,
 "She's dressed like she wants to party.") 2. (adj.) Exemplifying a proclivity for
heterosexual activity (e.g., "I hear she's a  party girl.") 3. (noun) A social gathering.
DATE: Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): dat\B7ed; dat\B7ing
Date: 15th century
transitive senses
1 : to determine the date of <date an antique>
2 : to record the date of : mark with the date
3 a : to mark with characteristics typical of a particular period b : to show up plainly the age of
4 : to make or have a date with
intransitive senses
5 : to reckon chronologically
6 : ORIGINATE <a friendship dating from college days>
7 : to become dated
8 : to go out on usually romantic dates
9 : to go to a public event with another human
10: To engage in an activity which is planned and which one person or the other pays for
11: To ask and receive acceptance by another single individual with whom you do not have an ongoing significant relationship, to engage in an entertainment event for the purpose of engaging in sexual activities after a series of interpersonal rituals within the date or event.
12: To engage in rituals designed to produce sexual activities with a person whom you recently met
13: To engage in a review process to determine of you and another individual wish to marry or become boyfriend and girlfriend
14: To arrange to go out for a fun activity with friends of any gender or intention
15: Any activity where both parties think there is a chance that sex will happen


RESOURCES: At last count, if you go to http://www.amazon.com, and enter the word "dating", in the Search window, for Books, you will find over 351 books on dating;Your friends; Newsgroups, ie. alt.rec.dating; "NOT" advice columnists;Workshops in the alternative newspapers in your city;
Classes in things you are interested in. The number one dating class in 2000: Yoga, followed by Photography, followed by Cooking;Best place to meet people: Your Cities largest grocery stores in the best neighborhoods between 4:30PM and 7PM (The San Francisco Marina Safeway being the founder of this tradition). Art gallery openings. Supply stores, ie: Sports, Cooking, Photo, pets, etc; Clubs. Community service groups. Political groups.



Safe Sex Dating Safety And Crucial Medical Info For All Singles

Boys and girls have sex. We all know that. But do we all know how to have it safely.

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YOU SHOULD NOT BE DATING UNLESS YOU HAVE HAD THESE TESTS!

Condoms are made of latex or similar materials, and have thousands of natural, microscopic, holes in them. That is the nature of latex. HIV is much smaller than the holes so condoms only decrease the odds, THEY DO NOT PREVENT HIV/AIDS 100%! Get tested.

Testing isn't a quick turn-around, it can take 1 week to 3 weeks to get reasonable results back. If you like somebody, plan ahead, get tested now.

Use soap and water before and right after sex. Yes, soap really kills alot of bad things.

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In Contempt of Courtship

By Elizabeth Austin, Washington Monthly


Monica Lewinsky has a new job: doling out her sage dating advice as host of a new Fox TV "reality" show, "Mr. Personality." In the show, a babelicious young stockbroker named Hayley is asked to choose a lover from a group of 20 masked suitors. The masks, we're told, are used to conceal the men's looks and force Hayley to base her decision on personality alone - a concept that assumes a lady never glances below her date's chin. Unlike Ms. Lewinsky (described in the show's promotional materials only as a psych major-turned-handbag designer who "currently lives in New York City and is considering a future career in law") Fox execs limited their pool of eligible suitors to unmarried men who do not live on Pennsylvania Avenue.

As host, Ms. Lewinsky functions as Hayley's on-site girlfriend, giggling with her at hidden-camera footage that shows the suitors misbehaving at a party and helping her to make the undoubtedly difficult decision to dump the guy who slipped off into a bathroom to share a few intimate moments with a hula dancer. The show has spawned plenty of off-camera controversy - the spurned suitor later claimed that the sound of a zipper opening, heard through the bathroom door, was a sound-effect added in post-production - but primetime audiences' enthusiastic reaction to it has skipped over one huge question: What does it say about our society that we now consider Monica Lewinsky qualified to help anyone find her soulmate?

Lewinsky's show is only the latest in a whole slew of dating-based "reality" TV shows, which include "The Bachelor," "Meet My Folks," "Married by America," "Blind Date," "The Fifth Wheel," "Elimidate," "A Dating Story," "Dismissed," "Rendez-View," "Change of Heart," "Shipmates," "Temptation Island," "Looking for Love," and "EX-treme Dating." In my personal favorite, "Joe Millionaire," 20 women were whisked to a romantic French chateau to compete for a man's affections. The women were told the young man had recently inherited $50 million and was "looking for a special someone to share his newfound wealth." I spent the show's entire seven-episode run wondering where Fox managed to find 20 grown women gullible enough to believe that a tall, underwear-model-handsome guy with $50 million might need professional help in finding a date. But the success of these shows - 40 million viewers tuned in to watch Joe Millionaire choose his guileless mate - shows how much we love to watch other people date, especially when there's a better-than-decent chance of witnessing an emotional trainwreck. Why do so many eligible singles prefer to sit at home watching other people go out to dinner, walk hand-in-hand, and smooch in bubbling hot tubs than to actually go out on dates? When did we start to consider dating a synonym for hell?

It's almost impossible to find a positive depiction of contemporary dating anywhere. Television sitcoms from "Friends" to "Frasier" delight in the antics of lovelorn singles - not because they're more glamorous than their married counterparts, but because the vicissitudes of modern dating lend themselves to easy laughs. In novels, we see Bridget Jones as the modern-day counterpart of Jane Austen's Elizabeth Bennet - only somehow the centuries have robbed our heroine of her ability to bring Mr. Darcy to his knees.

Wasn't the sexual revolution supposed to make courtship more fun? Yet everywhere we look, we see single people bemoaning the loneliness, the despair, the just plain drudgery of dating. Dorothy L. Sayers once said, "The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless." But how much joy is there in courtship these days? Dating, it seems, has become a necessary chore, rather like scrubbing down the storm windows.

The Rules of Court
Something has gone drastically awry in the process of meeting and mating. I recently played confidant to a friend who has valiantly decided to re-enter the courtship arena. From her description, it sounded like she was applying for a new job - reading the want ads, circling anything that sounded halfway promising, sending in her r\E9sum\E9 via e-mail, and then trudging out on a series of high-stress interviews. (The only difference was, most employers usually don't advertise until the post is actually vacant, whereas at least one of her hot prospects hadn't quite gotten around to telling his wife that the family organization was planning to downsize.) To hone their "interview" skills, desperate affluent singles are driven to hire dating consultants to tell them how to do it right. One New York consultant bragged to Fox News that she charges her female clients $350 for a half-hour consultation to assess the dateworthiness of their hair, makeup, and wardrobe, while men pay $15,000 upfront for introductions to a dozen eligible pre-screened women. That fee also includes a virtual date with the consultant, who then scrutinizes the poor insecure fellow's manners and conversational skills.

For those who can't afford individual instruction, there are guidebooks like "The Rules," billed as "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right." The authors promise their husband-hunting readers that faithful adherence to a few basic rules, such as "Never Call Him, Always Let Him Call You" and "Don't Talk Too Much" will help them land the spouse of their dreams. (From the vision of dainty femininity sketched out in "The Rules," one reaches the inescapable conclusion that all the eligible bachelors out there have posters of Donna Reed plastered above their beds.) The bad news, of course, is that once a girl has adopted the primly determined Rules persona to capture him, she has to keep up the hard work in order to keep him. Hence, "The Rules for Marriage," the follow-up to the runaway bestseller. Hewing firmly to "The Rules" over the course of four or five decades is a daunting prospect, as the recent divorce of one of the co-authors confirms.

Dueling Rulebooks
Perhaps the continuing popularity of "The Rules" - in spite of its co-author's marital track record, they're still charging $3.99 a minute for dating consultations - is a sign that singles today are desperate for some set of principles to follow. Unlike the well-established courtship rituals of the 1950s, what we have today is a motley set of individual expectations, most of them patently mystifying to everyone but ourselves. Courtship has become an unending pick-up game of playground ball, with each player operating according to his or her own individual rulebook. A woman may make a seductive gesture fraught with symbolic meaning - only to find that, to her partner, it's a request for a time-out.
Take, for example, this star-crossed couple who poured out their story of dueling social semiotics to a women's magazine a few years ago. Both sides agree that he invited her out on a dinner date, and that they had a wonderful time until the bill was presented. "When the dinner check came, I took it," explained 32-year-old Charlie. "But Susie reached for her wallet. 'Can I help pay?' she asked. My heart sank. I was sure she didn't like me. I figure if a woman wants to split the check, she's telling you that she wants to be friends. After that, the evening ended kind of awkwardly. I didn't know if I should kiss her or anything, so I kind of hastily said good-night."

Susie, 28, told the reporter that she saw the encounter very differently. "I offered to split the check because I didn't want him to feel obliged to pay for me. I figure if he had really liked me, in a girlfriend/boyfriend way, he wouldn't have taken my money - not on the first date, anyway. And I guess I was right: he didn't try to kiss me or say anything about another date."

It's revealing that teenagers no longer "date" in the traditional sense. Instead, they move in intersecting herds, and actual dating is reserved for those who are already official couples. Formal events, such as homecoming and prom, are arranged with the help of intermediaries: The parties involved set up embassies in the lunch room, and send out ambassadors to arrange the necessary treaties. When one young swain recently called and directly invited a 16-year-old girl to Homecoming, her parents gave the courageous young man two thumbs up. But the girl herself was put off. "It seems so forward, just calling and asking someone out like that," she explained after declining his suit. Her parents are now resigned to a life without grandchildren.

The Lost Art of Flirting
At the risk of being stripped of my right to wear Birkenstocks, I have to admit that the courtship rituals of the 1950s make me feel a little wistful. The gender roles may have been constricting and the shoes were impossibly tight across the toes, but it's impossible to deny the now-guilty pleasures of sweetheart bouquets, dinner dates, and nightclubs where heterosexual men danced voluntarily. (And I'm far from alone in my nostalgia, as proven by the release of a recent retro-romance movie, "Down With Love," starring Hollywood A-listers Ren\E9e Zellweger and Ewan McGregor.) I can't help envying the "smart and sophisticated woman" described by Helen Gurley Brown - author of the once-scandalous "Sex and the Single Girl" - who responded to men's advances with this polished reply: "You're really lovely, but do you honestly suppose I can sleep with every man who asks me? The answer for now is no." Brown claimed that one importunate suitor finally gave his iron-knickered lady a silver charm engraved with the words, "We'll see."

I can just hear the anguished screams of "That's just game-playing!" And that's exactly correct. Both parties were playing a game - defined in my dictionary as "a way of amusing oneself; a pastime; diversion." The game was called "flirting," and it's what people used to do while they were trying to decide whether they might be able to stand each other's company over the hyperextended road trip that is married life. It's funny: The men who most oppose the idea of "playing games" in courtship are the same ones who can spend endless hours debating the merits of the designated hitter rule. In all forms of human behavior, there are rules. (For instance, we now shake hands upon introduction instead of sniffing each other's sweat glands.) The trouble is, the rules governing courtship today are vexing and often destructive, reducing the stuff of poetry to something akin to emotional dodgeball.

One Rule To Ring Them All

Why is dating today so stressful? The answer is simple: Sex.

I know. That sounds perilously like those counter-feminist conservatives who rail at modern woman for coldheartedly indulging her lustful desires instead of saving her precious flower for the lucky man who will someday lift her bridal veil. But my argument is based not on morality but on sheer utility: The way it's being done lately, courtship isn't any fun.

That's because there is currently only one broadly accepted rule of courtship: The Third Date is The Date (unless, of course, you're a glued-together-at-the-knees Rules girl.) If either party declines sex on the Third Date, it's a clear sign that the relationship is going nowhere. And if the Third Date culminates in sex, they're officially a couple - or at least, the guy's a real loser if he doesn't ask the girl out again afterwards. (Sex before the Third Date is a signal that a) you believe in love at first sight; b) you're a promiscuous floozy; or c) you think a, he thinks b.)

It's time for all of us to admit that this courtship model simply doesn't work. If lightning doesn't strike by Date Three, you can end up walking away from a perfectly lovely person who might just be a little shy, or having a bad hair day. Or worse, by rushing headlong into a "committed relationship" with someone you've met only a few times, you can end up wasting weeks, months, sometimes even years of your life on someone you don't really like very much, on the grounds that you're already "invested" in the relationship.

The problem is, we can't bring ourselves to admit that we're going to have to give up the prospect of instant sex - however rarely it actually happens - for a longer period of pre-intercourse courtship. That's understandable - and not just because we all like to think of ourselves as the proud owners of constantly pulsating loins. Given how dreadful dating has become, we hate to think of prolonging the agony as we wait for the only foreseeable good part. (Though from what I hear from my single girlfriends, the sex isn't all that hot, anyway.)

But if we could decide collectively that sex is worth waiting a bit longer for, we'd find that courtship itself might become a lot less stressful and a lot more fun. Right now, those first couple of dates are incredibly intense; we give ourselves only six or eight hours of conversation before deciding whether we want to commit to a monogamous sexual relationship. If we had, oh, six or eight - maybe even 10 - dates to make up our minds, we could focus more on the actual date and less on its sequel. By investing a few extra hours in the process, we might draw out of a shy person an unexpected vein of sardonic wit or a deep well of political insight. With luck, we'd screen out some of those false charmers who have learned to conceal their mean-spiritedness for a week or two. And after the eighth, ninth, or 10th date? Well, let's just say that some things are greatly improved by anticipation.

Heroic Couplets
I suppose I should make a confession here: I haven't done any dating for a long, long time. I'm what Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding would call a "Smug Married." And quite frankly, when I hear my single friends bewailing their dating lives, I do feel a bit complacent. But when I think about what courtship could, and should, be, I remember one night when my husband and I went out to celebrate some double-digit wedding anniversary.

We had hired a babysitter, gotten all dressed up, and treated ourselves to dinner at some sleek new restaurant in the city. A comfortable, compatible married couple, we were having a very nice time - joking, relaxing, knocking back a little too much Chardonnay. Then we noticed the man and woman sitting next to us. They were visibly trembling with desire. (The waiter didn't bother to ask them if they wanted dessert.) It was clear that this was no standard Third Date, to be promptly followed by a tidy hour of pre-programmed abandon. There was none of the awkwardness of fresh acquaintance, no conversational false starts or miscues. It was obvious they were madly in love, and that they were looking forward to a long-awaited, devoutly wished consummation. They were co-adventurers, taking that first exhilarating leap over Niagara Falls. And somehow, as we sat watching that couple from the smooth safety of the shallow waters far downstream, we didn't feel smug at all.
To me, that's what courtship ought to be. And if it's not, we're doing it wrong. (Elizabeth Austin is a Chicago writer)


“Should you get plastic surgery to improve your dating life? Check out these before and after pictures to see how it often works out:











“Do you see a “type of person” in these photos? If not, then you might not be in that “type”:



Bizarre, Funny And Unique Profiles:

“Frat House guys seem to all: cheat on their taxes, cheat on their wives, and cheat on their girlfriends. If you marry one you will always have to wonder when the IRS, SEC or FBI is going to show up and arrest him for securities fraud and take your house away. They meet up together at sports bars, mens clubs, stripper joints, golf clubs, etc. and reinforce their mysoginist attitudes together about using women as "sport' or 'baby ovens'. Their 'bromances' are thinly veiled man-love that can tear a marriage apart. While they all do have perfectly symmetrical faces, look like the contestants on The Bachlorette and have rich daddies, 90% of their marriages in the Bay Area end in divorces where the court filings use the word "abuse" quite a bit. You can look it up on PACER, the online federal court database. (Check out the Andy Rubin case.. woooeeeee!!) Their swaggering competition between each other is based on using women as trophies to show off until they 'upgrade' to the younger model to impress their other Fratboy friends. They are out every single night, usually sleeping with a different dating site date (so you will get exotic germs from them)...”

"I can lift a fully-grown horse above my head, and I can hold my breath for ten minutes. To settle a wager, I once ate a pound of P.B. Fouke's strongest badger poison and then ran a mile in the nude. I cannot feel pain, and I can see for two miles unaided by a lens. No man can kill me, I have beaten a man of every race in formal combat. A medical doctor and two priests have written and signed a document confirming that I have wings. I own 127 rescue dogs. Men faint when I am near and women cry from coveted desire. I once won a cactus eating contest and my Mother was the mistress of Pope John Paul IV.."

““The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little ‘wooOOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful.”

“If I can’t bounce a quarter off your inner thigh, hit the gym, not the ‘send’ button.” “We cannot differ on anything. If we do, you’ll have to change.” — dont_email_me, an OkCupid user in Texas...“Okay, here’s the thing,” dont_email_me wrote in his self-summary, “I receive tens of thousands of emails a day and I can’t possibly take the time to read all of them. Or even some of them. All I know is, please don’t send me an email if we aren’t at least 100% match and 0% enemies.”



 
Internet Safety and Security When Dating On The Web

Validation Note: University, Federal, Forensic Researcher and Journalism sources provided in the links below, prove every assertion in this report many times over. A simple web-search by any college-educated person, on the top 5 search engines, can turn up hundreds of additional credible, verifying sources. Expert jury trial and Congressional hearing witnesses have proven these facts over and over.
You probably can't imagine the second-by-second dangers and harms that modern electronics, like your phone and tablet, are causing to your life, your income, your privacy, your beliefs, your human rights, your bank account records, your political data, your job, your brand name, your medical data, your dating life, your reputation and other crucial parts of your life.
Any use of a dating site, Google or Facebook product, social media site, movie site, or anything that you log in to, puts you at substantial risk. Remember: "if it has a plug, it has a bug" . Every electronic device can be easily made to spy on you in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
The Take-Aways:
- Stalkers can find you by zooming in on your pupil reflection images in your online photos ( https://www.kurzweilai.net/reflected-hidden-faces-in-photographs-revealed-in-pupil )
- If you send email overseas or make phone calls overseas all of your communications, and those with anybody else, are NSA monitored ( https://www.privacytools.io/ )
- Bad guys take a single online photo of you and put it in software that instantly builds a dossier on you by finding where every other photo of you is that has ever been posted online ( https://www.aclu.org/blog/privacy-technology/surveillance-technologies/apples-use-face-recognition-new-iphone )
- Face-tracking software for stalking you on Match.com and OK Cupid is more effective than even FBI software for hunting bank robbers ( https://www.cnet.com/news/clearview-app-lets-strangers-find-your-name-info-with-snap-of-a-photo-report-says/ )
- Any glass, metal or ceramic object near you can be reflecting your voice or image to digital beam scanners that can relay your voice or image anywhere in the world
- All your data from any hotel you stay at will eventually be hacked and leaked ( Info of 10 MILLION MGM guests including Justin Bieber and TWITTER CEO leaked online! )
- Your voting data will be used to spy on you and harm you (   Every voter in Israel just had their data leaked in 'grave' security breach...    )
- Lip-reading software can determine what you are saying from over a mile away ( https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/01/20/russian-police-use-spy-camera-film-opposition-activist-bedroom/ )
- Every Apple iPhone and other smart-phone has over 1000 ways to bug you, listen to you, track you and record your daily activities even when you think you have turned off the device. Never leave your battery in your phone. ( LEAKED DOCS: Secretive Market For Your Web History... )(Every Search. Every Click. On Every Site…  )
- Elon Musk’s SpaceX StarLink satellites are spy satellites that send your data to Google and other tech companies ( https://www.chieftain.com/news/20200118/first-drones-now-unexplained-lights-reported-in-horsetooth )
- Google and Facebook have all of your medical records and they are part of a political operation ( https://www.wsj.com/articles/hospitals-give-tech-giants-access-to-detailed-medical-records-11579516200 )
- Every dating site, comments section and social media site sends your private data, covertly, to government, political campaigns and corporate analysis groups and can also be hacked by anyone.
- Any hacker can hack ANY network with even a single Intel, Cisco, Juniper Networks or AMD motherboard on it and nobody can stop them unless they destroy the motherboard because the back-doors are built into the hardware. Many of the companies you think are providing security are secretly owned by the Chinese government spy agencies or the CIA ( https://boingboing.net/2020/02/11/cia-secretly-owned-worlds-to.html  )
- Warehouses in Nigeria, Russia, Ukraine, Sao Paolo, China and hundreds of other regions, house tens of thousands of hackers who work around the clock to try to hack you and manipulate your data.
- Every red light camera, Walmart/Target/Big Box camera and every restaurant camera goes off to networks that send your activities to credit companies, collection companies, political parties and government agencies (  'Homeland Security' using location data from apps to track millions of people...
- Match.com, OKCupid and Plenty of Fish are also DNC voter analysis services that read your texts and keep your profiles forever
- If you don't put fake ages, addresses, phone numbers and disposable email addresses on ANY form you fill out electronically, it will haunt you forever  ( https://www.the-sun.com/news/284784/pornstar-data-breach-massive-leak-bank-details/  )
- Every train, plane and cruise line records you constantly and checks the covert pictures they take of you against global databases. Corporations grab your collateral private data that those Princess Cruises and United Airlines companies take and use them to build files on you  (  https://www.silive.com/news/2020/01/report-new-app-can-id-strangers-with-a-single-photo.html  )
- The people who say "nobody would be interested in me" are the most at risk because their naiveté puts them at the top-of-the-list for targeting and harvesting ( https://www.cnet.com/news/clearview-app-lets-strangers-find-your-name-info-with-snap-of-a-photo-report-says/  )
- Silicon Valley tech companies don't care about your rights, they care about enough cash for their executives to buy hookers and private islands with. Your worst enemy is the social media CEO. They have a hundred thousand programmers trying to figure out more and more extreme ways to use your data every day and nobody to stop them
- The government can see everyplace you went to in the last year ( https://www.protocol.com/government-buying-location-data )


There have been over 15,000 different types of hacks used against over 3 billion "average" consumers. EVERY one of them thought they were safes and that nobody would hack them because "nobody cared about them". History has proven every single one of them to have been totally wrong!
If you are smart, and you read the news, you will know that you should ditch all of your electronic devices and "data-poison" any information about you that touches a network by only putting fake info in all conceivable forms and entries on the internet. You, though, may be smart but lazy, like many, and not willing to step outside of the bubble of complacency that corporate advertising has surrounded you with.
Did you know that almost every dating and erotic site sends your most private life experiences and chat messages to Google's and Facebook's investors? https://www.businessinsider.com/facebook-google-quietly-tracking-porn-you-watch-2019-7
Do you really want all of those Silicon Valley oligarchs that have been charged with sexual abuse and sex trafficking to know that much about you?
Never, Ever, put your real information on Youtube, Netflix, Linkedin, Google, Twitter, Comcast, Amazon and any similar online service because it absolutely, positively will come back and harm you!
Always remember: Anybody that does not like you can open, read and take any photo, data, email or text on EVERY phone, computer, network or electronic device you have ever used no matter how "safe" you think your personal or work system is! They can do this in less than a minute. Also: Hundreds of thousands of hackers scan every device, around the clock, even if they never heard of you, and will like your stuff just for the fun of causing trouble. Never use an electronic device unless you encrypt, hide and code your material! One of the most important safety measures you can take is to review the security info at: https://www.privacytools.io/

Those people who think: "I have nothing to worry about..I am not important" ARE the people who get hacked the most. Don't let naivete be your downfall. (  https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/when-will-we-get-full-truth-about-how-and-why-government-using-facial-recognition )
All of your info on Target, Safeway, Walgreens has been hacked and read by many outsiders. NASA, The CIA, The NSA, The White House and all of the federal background check files have been hacked. The Department of Energy has been hacked hundreds of times. All of the dating sites have been hacked and their staff read all of your messages. Quest labs blood test data and sexual information reports have been hacked and published to the world. There is no database that can't be easily hacked. Every computer system with Intel, AMD, Juniper Networks, Cisco and other hardware in it can be hacked in seconds with the hardware back-doors soldered onto their electronic boards. All of the credit reporting bureaus have been hacked. Wells Fargo bank is constantly hacked. YOU ARE NOT SAFE if you put information on a network. NO NETWORK is safe! No Silicon Valley company can, or will, protect your data; mostly because they make money FROM your data!

Every single modern cell phone and digital device can be EASILY taken over by any hacker and made to spy on you, your family, your business and your friends in thousands of different ways. Taking over the microphone is only a small part of the ways a phone can be made to spy on you. Your phone can record your location, you voice vibrations, your mood, your thoughts, your sexual activity, your finances, your photos, your contacts (who it then goes off and infects) and a huge number of other things that you don't want recorded.
Privacy watchdog under pressure to recommend facial recognition ban...

Alarming Rise of Smart Camera Networks...

AMAZON's Ring Doorbell Secretly Shares Private User Data With FACEBOOK...

The worst abusers of your privacy, personal information, politics and psychological information intentions are: Google, Facebook, Linkedin, Amazon, Netflix, Comcast, AT&T, Xfinity, Match.com & the other IAC dating sites, Instagram, Uber, Wells Fargo, Twitter, Paypal, Hulu, Walmart, Target, YouTube, PG&E, The DNC, Media Matters, Axciom, and their subsidiaries. Never, ever, put accurate information about yourself on their online form. Never, ever, sign in to their sites using your real name, phone, address or anything that could be tracked back to you.
If you don't believe that every government hacks citizens in order to destroy the reputation of anyone who makes a public statement against the current party in power then read the public document at:  https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP89-01258R000100010002-4.pdf
That document shows you, according to the U.S. Congress, how far things can go.
A program called ACXIX hunts down all of your records from your corner pharmacy, your taxi rides, your concert tickets, your grocery purchases, what time you use energy at your home, your doctor records...and all kinds of little bits of info about you and puts that a file about you. That file about you keeps growing for the rest of your life. That file sucks in other files from other data harvesting sites like Facebook and Google: FOREVER. The information in that file is used to try to control your politics and ideology.
In recent science studies cell phones were proven to exceed radiation safety limits by as high as 11 times the 2-decade old allowable U.S. radiation limits when phones touch the body. This is one of thousands of great reasons to always remove the battery from your cell phone when you are not talking on it. A phone without a battery in it can't spy on you and send your data to your enemies.

If you are reading this notice, the following data applies to you:

1. EVERY network is known to contain Intel, Cisco, Juniper Networks, AMD, QualComm and other hardware which has been proven to contain back-door hard-coded access to outside parties. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

2. Chinese, Russian FSB, Iranian and other state-sponsored hacking services as well as 14 year old domestic boys are able to easily enter your networks, emails and digital files because of this. They can enter your network at any time, with less than 4 mouse clicks, using software available to anyone. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

3. Your financial office is aware of these facts and has chosen not to replace all of the at-risk equipment, nor sue the manufacturers who sold your organization this at risk equipment. They believe that the hassle and cost of replacement and litigation is more effort than the finance department is willing to undertake. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

4. In addition to the existing tools that were on the internet, in recent years, foreign hackers have released all of the key hacking software that the CIA, DIA and NSA built to hack into any device. These software tools have already been used hundreds of times. Now the entire world has access to these tools which are freely and openly posted across the web. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

5. The computers, servers, routers, cell phones, IP cameras, IP microphones, Smart Meters, Tesla’s, “Smart Devices:”, etc. and other devices openly broadcast their IP data and availability on the internet. In other words, many of your device broadcast a “HERE I AM” signal that can be pinged, scanned, spidered, swept or, otherwise, seen, like a signal-in-the-dark from anywhere on Earth and from satellites overhead. Your devices announce that they are available to be hacked, to hackers. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

6. It is bad policy for your organization, or any organization, to think they are immune or have IT departments that can stop these hacks. NASA, The CIA, The White House, EQUIFAX, The Department of Energy, Target, Walmart, American Express, etc. have been hacked hundreds of times. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

7. The thinking: “Well, nobody would want to hack us”, or “We are not important enough to get hacked” is the most erroneous and negligent thinking one could have in the world today. Chinese, Russian and Iranian spy agencies have a global “Facebook for blackmail” and have been sucking up the data of every entity on Earth for over a decade. If the network was open, they have the data and are always looking for more. The same applies to Google and Facebook who have based their entire business around domestic spying and data re-sale. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

8. You are a “Stepping Stone” doorway to other networks and data for targeted individuals and other entities. Your networks provide routes into other people’s networks. The largest political industry today is called “Doxing” and “Character Assassination”. Billions of dollars are expended by companies such as IN-Q-Tel - (DNC); Gawker Media - (DNC); Jalopnik - (DNC); Gizmodo Media - (DNC); K2 Intelligence - (DNC); WikiStrat - (DNC); Podesta Group - (DNC); Fusion GPS - (DNC/GOP); Google - (DNC); YouTube - (DNC); Alphabet - (DNC); Facebook - (DNC); Twitter - (DNC); Think Progress - (DNC); Media Matters - (DNC); Black Cube - (DNC); Mossad - (DNC); Correct The Record - (DNC); Sand Line - (DNC/GOP); Blackwater - (DNC/GOP); Stratfor - (DNC/GOP); ShareBlue - (DNC); Wikileaks (DNC/GOP); Cambridge Analytica - (DNC/GOP); Sid Blumenthal- (DNC); David Brock - (DNC); PR Firm Sunshine Sachs (DNC); Covington and Burling - (DNC), Buzzfeed - (DNC) Perkins Coie - (DNC); Wilson Sonsini - (DNC)  and hundreds of others to harm others that they perceive as political, personal or competitive threats. Do not under-estimate your unintended role in helping to harm others. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

9. NEVER believe that you are too small to be noticed by hackers. Parties who believe that are the hackers favorite targets. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

10. NEVER believe that because the word “DELL” or “IBM” or “CISCO” is imprinted on the plastic cover of some equipment that you are safe. Big brands are targeted by every spy agency on Earth and are the MOST compromised types of equipment. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

11. YOU may not personally care about getting exposed but the person, or agency, you allow to get exposed will be affected for the rest of their lives and they will care very much and could sue you for destroying them via negligence. Be considerate of others in your “internet behavior”. Do not put anything that could hurt another on any network, ever. This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

12. Never post your real photograph online, or on a dating site social media or on any network. There are thousands of groups who scan every photo on the web and cross check those photos in their massive databases to reveal your personal information via every other location your photo is posted. These "image harvesters" can find out where you, who your friends and enemies are and where your kids are in minutes using comparative image data that they have automated and operating around the clock.  This is a proven, inarguable fact based on court records, FISA data, IT evidence, national news broadcasts, Congressional presented evidence and inventory records, ie: Krebs On Security, FireEye, ICIJ, Wikileaks Vault 9, EU, Global IT services, FBI.

13. If you think using web security measures like this makes you "paranoid", then think again. Cautious and intelligent people use these security measures because these dangers are proven in the news headlines daily. Uninformed, naive and low IQ people are the types of people who do not use good web hygiene and who suffer because they are not cautious and are not willing to consider the consequences of their failure to read the news and stay informed.
‘Gotham’ software written by Palantir shows how government agencies, or anybody, can use very little information to obtain quick access to anyone’s personal minutiae.
VICE NEWS Motherboard via public records request has revealed shocking details of capabilities of California law enforcement involved in Fusion Centers, once deemed to be a conspiracy theory like the National Security Agency (NSA) which was founded in 1952, and its existence hidden until the mid-1960s. Even more secretive is the National Reconnaissance Office (NRO), which was founded in 1960 but remained completely secret for 30 years.


Some of the documents instructing California law enforcement (Northern California Regional Intelligence Center) “Fusion Center” are now online, and they show just how much information the government can quickly access with little or no knowledge of a person of interest.
“The guide doesn’t just show how Gotham works. It also shows how police are instructed to use the software,” writes Caroline Haskins.
“This guide seems to be specifically made by Palantir for the California law enforcement because it includes examples specific to California.”
According to DHS, “Fusion centers operate as state and major urban area focal points for the receipt, analysis, gathering, and sharing of threat-related information between federal; state, local, tribal, territorial (SLTT); and private sector partners” like Palantir. Further, Fusion Centers are locally owned and operated, arms of the “intelligence community,” i.e. the 17 intelligence agencies coordinated by the National Counterterrorism Center (NCTC). However, sometimes the buildings are staffed by trained NSA personnel like what happened in Mexico City, according to a 2010 Defense Department (DOD) memorandum.
Palantir is a private intelligence data management company mapping relationships between individuals and organizations alike founded by Peter Thiel and CEO Alex Karp and accused rapist Joe Lonsdale. You may remember Palantir from journalist Barrett Brown, Anonymous’ hack of HBGary, or accusations that the company provided the technology that enables NSA’s mass surveillance PRISM. Founded with early investment from the CIA and heavily used by the military, Palantir is a subcontracting company in its own right. The company has even been featured in the Senate’s grilling of Facebook, when Washington State Senator Maria Cantwell asked CEO Mark Zuckerberg, “Do you know who Palantir is?” due to Peter Thiel sitting on Facebook’s board.
In 2011, Anonymous’ breach exposed HBGary’s plan, conceived along with data intelligence firm Palantir, and Berico Technologies, to retaliate against WikiLeaks with cyber attacks and threaten the journalism institutions supporters. Following the hack and exposure of the joint plot, Palantir attempted to distance itself from HBGary, which it blamed for the plot.
Bank of America/Palintir/HBGary combined WikiLeaks attack plan. You can find more here: https://t.co/85yECxFmZu pic.twitter.com/huNtfJp8gl
— WikiLeaks (@wikileaks) November 29, 2016
This was in part because Palantir had in 2011 scored $250 million in deals ; its customers included the CIA, FBI, US Special Operations Command, Army, Marines, Air Force, LAPD and even the NYPD. So the shady contractor had its reputation to lose at the time being involved in arguably criminal activity against WikiLeaks and its supporters.
Palantir describes itself as follows based on its website:
Palantir Law Enforcement supports existing case management systems, evidence management systems, arrest records, warrant data, subpoenaed data, RMS or other crime-reporting data, Computer Aided Dispatch (CAD) data, federal repositories, gang intelligence, suspicious activity reports, Automated License Plate Reader (ALPR) data, and unstructured data such as document repositories and emails.
Palantir’s software, Bloomberg reports,
combs through disparate data sources—financial documents, airline reservations, cellphone records, social media postings—and searches for connections that human analysts might miss. It then presents the linkages in colorful, easy-to-interpret graphics that look like spider webs.
Motherboard shows how Fusion Center police can now utilize similar technology to track citizens beyond social media and online web accounts with people record searches, vehicle record searches, a Histogram tool, a Map tool, and an Object Explorer tool. (For more information on each and the applicable uses see the Vice News article here.)
Police can then click on an individual in the chart within Gotham and see every personal detail about a target and those around them, from email addresses to bank account information, license information, social media profiles, etc., according to the documents.
Palantir’s software in many ways is similar to the Prosecutor’s Management Information System (PROMIS) stolen software Main Core and may be the next evolution in that code, which allegedly predated PRISM. In 2008, Salon.com published details about a top-secret government database that might have been at the heart of the Bush administration’s domestic spying operations. The database known as “Main Core” reportedly collected and stored vast amounts of personal and financial data about millions of Americans in event of an emergency like Martial Law.
The only difference is, again, this technology is being allowed to be deployed by Fusion Center designated police and not just the National Security Agency. Therefore, this expands the power that Fusion Center police — consisting of local law enforcement, other local government employees, as well as Department of Homeland Security personnel — have over individual American citizens.
This is a huge leap from allowing NSA agents to access PRISM database search software or being paid by the government to mine social media for “terrorists.”
Fusion Centers have become a long-standing target of civil liberties groups like the EFF, ACLU, and others because they collect and aggregate data from so many different public and private sources.
On a deeper level, when you combine the capabilities of Palantir’s Gotham software, the abuse of the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) database for Federal Bureau of Investigations/Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and facial recognition technology, you have the formula for a nightmarish surveillance state. Ironically, or perhaps not, that nightmare is the reality of undocumented immigrants as Palantir is one of several companies helping sift through data for the raids planned by ICE, according to journalist Barrett Brown.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:

According to the world's top internet security experts: "...Welcome to the new digital world. Nobody can ever type anything on the internet without getting scanned, hacked, privacy abused, data harvested for some political campaign, spied on by the NSA and Russian hackers and sold to marketing companies. You can't find a corporate or email server that has not already been hacked. For $5000.00, on the Dark Web, you can now buy a copy of any person's entire dating files from match.com, their social security records and their federal back-ground checks. These holes can never be patched because they exist right in the hardware of 90% of the internet hardware on Earth. Any hacker only needs to find one hole in a network in order to steal everything in your medical records, your Macy's account, your credit records and your dating data. Be aware, these days, Mr. & Ms. Consumer. Facebook, Google, Twitter and Amazon have turned out to be not-what-they-seem. They manipulate you and your personal information in quite illicit manners and for corrupt purposes. Avoid communicating with anybody on the internet because you will never know who you are really talking to. Only communication with people live and in-person..."


SPREAD THE WORD. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA. SEE MORE PROOF IN THESE ARTICLES:

https://www.i-programmer.info/news/149-security/12556-google-says-spectre-and-meltdown-are-too-difficult-to-fix.html

https://sputniknews.com/us/201902231072681117-encryption-keys-dark-overlord-911-hack/

https://www.businessinsider.com/nest-microphone-was-never-supposed-to-be-a-secret-2019-2

https://thehill.com/policy/technology/430779-google-says-hidden-microphone-was-never-intended-to-be-a-secret

https://www.blacklistednews.com/article/71200/smartphone-apps-sending-intensely-personal-information-to-facebook--whether-or-not-you-have-an.html

https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/security/microsoft-edge-secret-whitelist-allows-facebook-to-autorun-flash/

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19210727

https://www.davidicke.com/article/469484/israel-hardware-backdoored-everything

https://www.scmp.com/economy/china-economy/article/2186606/chinas-social-credit-system-shows-its-teeth-banning-millions

https://youtu.be/lwoyesA-vlM

https://www.zdnet.com/article/critical-vulnerabilities-uncovered-in-popular-password-managers/

https://files.catbox.moe/jopll0.pdf

https://files.catbox.moe/ugqngv.pdf

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/612974/once-hailed-as-unhackable-blockchains-are-now-getting-hacked/

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/02/att-t-mobile-sprint-reportedly-broke-us-law-by-selling-911-location-data/

https://theintercept.com/2019/02/08/jeff-bezos-protests-the-invasion-of-his-privacy-as-amazon-builds-a-sprawling-surveillance-state-for-everyone-else/

https://www.blacklistednews.com/article/71200/smartphone-apps-sending-intensely-personal-information-to-facebook--whether-or-not-you-have-an.html

https://www.stripes.com/news/us/feds-share-watch-list-with-1-400-private-groups-1.569308

https://voat.co/v/news/3053329

https://www.zdnet.com/article/all-intel-chips-open-to-new-spoiler-non-spectre-attack-dont-expect-a-quick-fix/

https://voat.co/v/technology/3075724

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/02/26/malware_ibm_powershell/

https://fossbytes.com/facebook-lets-anyone-view-your-profile-using-your-phone-number/

https://www.iottechtrends.com/vulnerability-ring-doorbell-fixed/

https://voat.co/v/technology/3077896

https://www.mintpressnews.com/whistleblowers-say-nsa-still-spies-american-phones-hidden-program/256208/

https://www.wionews.com/photos/how-israel-spyware-firm-nso-operates-in-shadowy-cyber-world-218782#hit-in-mexico-218759

https://sg.news.yahoo.com/whatsapp-hack-latest-breach-personal-data-security-135037749.html

https://metro.co.uk/2019/05/14/whatsapp-security-attack-put-malicious-code-iphones-androids-9523698/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/9069211/whatsapp-surveillance-cyber-attack-glitch/

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    THE PROMIS BACKDOOR

    Beyond embedded journalists, news blackouts, false flag events, blacklisted and disappeared Internet domains the plotline of America's "free press" there are now ISP-filtering programs subject to Homeland Security guidelines that sift through emails and toss some into a black hole. Insiders and the NSA-approved, however, can get around such protections of networks by means of the various hybrids of the PROM IS backdoor. The 1980s theA of the Prosecutor's Management Information System (PROMIS) software handed over the golden key that would grant most of the world to a handful of criminals. In fact, this one crime may have been the final deal with the devil that consigned the United States to its present shameful descent into moral turpitude. PROMIS began as a COBOL-based program designed to track multiple offenders through multiple databases like those of the DOJ, CIA, U.S. Attorney, IRS, etc. Its creator was a former NSA analyst named William Hamilton. About the time that the October Surprise Iranian hostage drama was stealing the election for former California governor Ronald Reagan and former CIA director George H.W. Bush in 1980, Hamilton was moving his Inslaw Inc. from non-profit to for-profit status.

    His intention was to keep the upgraded version of PROM IS that Inslaw had paid for and earmark a public domain version funded by a Law Enforcement Assistance Administration (LEAA) grant for the government. With 570,000 lines of code, PROMIS was able to integrate innumerable databases without any reprogramming and thus turn mere data into information.

                With Reagan in the White House, his California cronies at the DOJ offered Inslaw a $9.6 million contract to install public-domain PROMIS in prosecutors' offices, though it was really the enhanced PROM IS that the good-old-boy network had set its sights on. In February 1983, the chief of Israeli antiterrorism intelligence was sent to Inslaw under an alias to see for himself the DEC VAX enhanced version. He recognized immediately that this software would revolutionize Israeli intelligence and crush the Palestine Inti fada. Enhanced PROMIS could extrapolate nuclear submarine routes and destinations, track assets, trustees, and judges. Not only that, but the conspirators had a CIA genius named Michael Riconosciuto who could enhance the enhanced version one step further, once it was in their possession. To install public domain PROMIS in ninety-four U.S. Attorney offices as per contract, Inslaw had to utilize its enhanced PROMIS.

The DOJ made its move, demanding temporary possession of enhanced PROMIS as collateral to ensure that all installations were completed and that only Inslaw money had gone into the enhancements. Na'ively, Hamilton agreed. The rest is history: the DOJ delayed payments on the $9.6 million and drove Inslaw into bankruptcy. With Edwin Meese III as Attorney General, the bankruptcy system was little more than a political patronage system, anyway. The enhanced PROMIS was then passed to the brilliant multivalent computer and chemical genius Riconosciuto, son of CIA Agent Marshall Riconosciuto.5 Recruited at sixteen, Michael had studied with Nobel Prize-winning physicist and co-inventor of the laser Arthur Shallo. Michael was moved from Indio to Silver Springs to Miami as he worked to insert a chip that would broadcast the contents of whatever database was present to collection satellites and monitoring vans like the Google Street View van, using a digital spread spectrum to make the signal look like computer noise. This Trojan horse would grant key-club access to the backdoor of any person or institution that purchased PROM IS software as long as the backdoor could be kept secret. Meanwhile, the drama between Hamilton and the conspirators at DOJ continued. A quiet offer to buy out Inslaw was proffered by the investment banking firm Allen & Co., British publisher (Daily Mirror) Robert Maxwell, the Arkansas corporation Systematics, and Arkansas lawyer (and Clinton family friend) Webb Hubbell.
Hamilton refused and filed a $50 million lawsuit in bankruptcy court against the DOJ on June 9, 1986. Bankruptcy Judge George F. Bason, Jr. ruled that the DOJ had indeed stolen PROMIS through trickery, fraud, and deceit, and awarded Inslaw $6.8 million. He was unable to bring perjury charges against government officials but recommended to the House Judiciary Committee that it conduct a full investigation of the DOJ. The DOJ's appeal failed, but the Washington, D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals reversed everything on a technicality. Under then-President George H.W. Bush (1989 — 1993), Inslaw's petition to the Supreme Court in October 1991 was scorned. When the IRS lawyer requested that Inslaw be liquidated in such a way that the U.S. Trustee program (AG Meese's feeding trough between the DOJ and IRS) could name the trustee who would convert the assets, oversee the auction, and retain the appraisers, Judge Bason refused.

    Under then-President William Jefferson Clinton (1993 — 2001), the Court of Federal Claims whitewashed the DOJ's destruction of Inslaw and theA of PROMIS on July 31, 1997. Judge Christine Miller sent a 186-page advisory opinion to Congress claiming that Inslaw's complaint had no merit a somber message to software developers seeking to do business with Attorney Generals and their DOJ. For his integrity, Judge Bason lost his bench seat to the IRS lawyer. T
hroughout three administrations, the mainstream Mockingbird media obediently covered up the Inslaw affair, enhanced PROMIS being a master tool of inference extraction able to track and eavesdrop like nothing else. Once enhanced PROMIS was being sold domestically and abroad so as to steal data from individuals, government agencies, banks, and corporations everywhere, intelligence-connected Barry Kumnick~ turned PROMIS into an artificial intelligence (AI) tool called SMART (Special Management Artificial Reasoning Tool) that revolutionized surveillance. The DOJ promised Kumnick $25 million, then forced him into bankruptcy as it had Hamilton. (Unlike Hamilton, Kumnick settled for a high security clearance and work at military contractors Systematics and Northrop.) Five Eyes / Echelon and the FBI's Carnivore / Data Collection System 1000 were promptly armed with SMART, as was closed circuit satellite highdefinition (HD) television. With SMART, Five Eyes / Echelon intercepts for UKUSA agencies became breathtaking.

    The next modification to Hamilton's PROMIS was Brainstorm, a behavioral recognition software, followed by the facial recognition soAware Flexible Research System (FRS); then Semantic Web, which looks not just for link words and embedded code but for what it means that this particular person is following this particular thread. Then came quantum modification. The Department of Defense paid Simulex, Inc. to develop Sentient World Simulation (SWS), a synthetic mirror of the real world with automated continuous calibration with respect to current real-world information. The SEAS (Synthetic Environment for Analysis and Simulations) soAware platform drives SWS to devour as many as five million nodes of breaking news census data, shiAing economic indicators, real world weather patterns, and social media data, then feeds it proprietary military intelligence and fictitious events to gauge their destabilizing impact. Research into how to maintain public cognitive dissonance and learned helplessness (psychologist Martin Seligman) help SEAS deduce human behavior.

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There are legitimate reasons ( http://www.learnliberty.org/videos/edward-snowden-surveillance-is-about-power/ )to want to avoid being tracked and spied-on while you're online. But aside from that, doesn't it feel creepy knowing you're probably being watched every moment that you're online and that information about where you go and what you do could potentially be sold to anyone at any time--to advertisers, your health insurance company, a future employer, the government, even a snoopy neighbor? Wouldn't you feel better not having to worry about that on top of everything else you have to worry about every day?

You can test to what extent your browser is transmitting unique information using these sites: panopticlick.com, Shieldsup, and ip-check.info.

https://panopticlick.eff.org/

https://www.grc.com/shieldsup

https://cheapskatesguide.org/articles/ip-check.info?/lang=en

These sites confirm that browsers transmit a lot of data that can be used for fingerprinting. From playing around with these sites, I have noticed that turning off javascript in my browser does help some. Also the TOR browser seems to transmit less data than most, but even it is not completely effective. The added benefit that you get from the TOR browser and especially the TAILS operating system is that they block your IP address from the websites you visit. You want to try several browsers to see which one transmits the least information. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a browser that transmits less information than the TOR browser.

The next thing to be aware of is that corporations have methods other than tracking to spy on you. There is a saying that if a corporation is offering you their product for free, you are their product. This means that corporations that offer you free services are selling the data they collect from you in order to be able to provide you with these services. So, chances are that companies that provide you with free email are reading your email. We know that, in addition to tracking you, Facebook reads your posts and knows who your friends are, and that is just the beginning of Facebook's spying methods. Free online surveys are just ways of collecting more data from you. Companies also monitor your credit card transactions and sell your online dating profiles. If you have a Samsung TV that is connected to the internet, it's probably recording what you watch and may even be listening to your private conversations in your home. In fact, anything that you have in your home that is connected to the internet may be spying on you, right down to your internet-connected light bulb. With a few exceptions, online search engines monitor and log your searches. One of the exceptions is the ixquick.com search engine, which is headquartered in Europe. The steps to counter the nearly ubiquitous activities of free service providers would be to pay for services you receive online, read website privacy agreements, and not buy products that are known to be spying on you. However, the only way to be really secure from corporations using the internet to spy on you is to never connect to the internet or buy any internet-connected appliances. Welcome back to the 1980's.

Protecting yourself from government spying while you are on the internet is the hardest and requires the most knowledge. The biggest problem is that unless a whistle-blower like Edward Snowden tells us, we have no way of knowing how governments may potentially be spying on us. That means that we have no way of protecting ourselves 100% of the time from government spying. Some things whistle-blowers have revealed ( https://secureswissdata.com/9-ways-government-spying-on-internet-activity/ ) are that the US government logs the meta data from all phone calls (who calls who and when), secretly forces internet service providers and providers of other services to allow it to "listen in on" and record all traffic going through their servers, reads nearly all email sent from everywhere in the world, and tracks the locations of all cell phones (even when they're turned off). And, although I am not aware of any specific whistle-blower revelations on this, there is every reason to believe that the US government (and perhaps others, including China's) has backdoors built into all computer hardware and operating system software for monitoring everything we do on our cell phones, tablets, laptops, desktop computers, and routers. ( https://www.eteknix.com/nsa-may-backdoors-built-intel-amd-processors/ ) See also this. Because Lenovo computers are manufactured in China, the US government has issued warnings to all US government agencies and subcontractors to strongly discourage them from using Lenovo computers. And the US government probably has backdoors ( https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/a-brief-history-of-the-nsa-attempting-to-insert-backdoors-into-encrypted-data ) into all commercially-available encryption software, with the possible exception of Truecrypt version 7.1a. I hope you are understanding now the magnitude of the lengths that governments are going to (using your tax money) to spy on you. In truth, we are now approaching the level of government spying that George Orwell warned about in his book, 1984

So what can we practically do to protect ourselves from government spying? Seriously, there isn't much, if we want to use cell phones, credit cards, and the internet. About all we can do, if we absolutely need to have a private conversation, is to have a face-to-face meeting without any electronics within microphone range. That includes cell phones, Samsung TV's, video cameras, computers, or land-line telephones. And don't travel to the meeting place using long-distance commercial transportation.
Sending a letter through the US mail is the next best, although it is known that the outsides of all mail sent through the US mail are photographed, and the pictures are stored. So, don't put your return address on the envelope. ( http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/new_york_times_post_office_photocopies_envelopes_of_all_mail_sent_in_the_us/ ) As far as surfing the internet is concerned, begin with all the precautions that I outlined above to protect yourself from corporate spying (except HTTPS and VPN's). Then, add the TAILS operating system on a USB stick. As I said, TAILS will not prevent you from being identified and tracked via the fingerprinting method. And who can be sure whether the government has a backdoor in TAILS? As far as I know, the super-paranoid, hoody and sunglasses method I outlined above is is the next step.

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Experts warns of ‘epidemic’ of bugging devices used by stalkers - By James Hockaday

Stalkers are using cheap bugging devices hidden in everyday household items

More funding and legal powers are needed for police to stop a surge of stalkers using eavesdropping devices to spy on victims, experts have warned.

Firms paid to detect the bugs say they’re finding more and more of the devices which are readily available on online marketplaces like Amazon and eBay.

Jack Lazzereschi, Technical Director of bug sweeping company Shapestones, says cases of stalking and victims being blackmailed with intimate footage shot in secret has doubled in the past two years.

He told Metro.co.uk: ‘The police want to do something about it, they try to, but usually they don’t have the legal power or the resources to investigate.

‘For us it’s a problem. We try to protect the client, we want to assure that somebody has been protected.’
Advert for a hidden camera device planted inside a fire/smoke alarm sold on Amazon

People are paying as little as £15 for listening devices and spy cameras hidden inside desk lamps, wall sockets, phone charger cables, USB sticks and picture frames.

Users insert a sim card into a hidden slot and call a number to listen in on their unwitting targets.

People using hidden cameras can watch what’s happening using an apps on their phones.

Jack says the devices are so effective, cheap and hard to trace to their users, law enforcement prefer using them over expensive old-school devices.

Although every case is different, in situations where homeowners plant devices in their own properties, Jack says there’s usually a legal ‘grey area’ to avoid prosecution.

The devices themselves aren’t illegal and they are usually marketed for legitimate purposes like protection, making it difficult for cops to investigate.

There is no suggestion online marketplaces like eBay and Amazon are breaking the law by selling them.

But in some instances, images of women in their underwear have been used in listings – implying more sinister uses for the devices.
Even in cases when people are more clearly breaking the law, Jack says it’s unlikely perpetrators will be brought to justice as overstretched police will prioritise resources to stop violent crime.

Jack’s says around 60 per cent of his firm’s non-corporate cases cases involve stalking or blackmail.

He says it’s become an ‘epidemic’ over the past couple of years with the gadgets more readily available than ever before.

Jack Lazzereschi says he’s seen stalking cases double in a few years

Victims are often filmed naked or having sex and threatened with the threat of footage being put online and in the worst cases children are also recorded.

Jack says UK law is woefully unprepared to deal with these devices compared to countries in the Asian-Pacific region.

In South Korea authorities have cracked down on a scourge of perverts planting cameras in public toilets.

James Williams, director of bug sweepers QCC Global says snooping devices used to be the preserve of people with deep pockets and technological know-how.

He said: ‘It’s gone from that to really being at a place where anybody can just buy a device from the internet.

‘Anything you can possibly think of you can buy with a bug built into it. I would say they’re getting used increasingly across the board.’

Suky Bhaker, Acting CEO of the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, which runs the National Stalking Helpline, warned using these gadgets could be a prelude to physical violence.

She said: ‘We know that stalking and coercive control are extremely dangerous and can cause huge harm to the victim, both in terms of their psychological wellbeing and the potential for escalation to physical violence or even murder.

‘The use of surveillance devices or spyware apps by stalkers, must be seen in the context of a pattern of obsessive, fixated behaviour which aims at controlling and monitoring the victim.
She added: ‘There should be clarity for police forces that the use of surveillance equipment by stalkers to monitor their victim’s location or communications is a sign that serious and dangerous abuse may be present or imminent.’

‘All cases of stalking or coercive control should be taken seriously and investigated when reported to police.’

The charity is calling for all police forces across the country to train staff in this area.

Earlier this month a policeman known only by his surname Mills was barred from the profession for life for repeatedly dismissing pleas for help from 19-year-old Shana Grice who was eventually murdered by her stalker ex-boyfriend Michel Lane.

A spokesman for eBay said: ‘The listing of mini cameras on eBay is permitted for legitimate items like baby monitors or doorbell cameras.

‘However, items intended to be used as spying devices are banned from eBay’s UK platform in accordance with the law and our policy.

‘We have filters in place to block prohibited items, and all the items flagged by Metro have now been removed.’

Face-tracking harvesters grab one picture of you and then use AI to find every other digital picture of you on Earth and open every social media post, resume, news clipping, dating account etc. and sell the full dossier on you to Axciom, the NSA, Political manipulators etc. and hack your bank accounts and credit cards. Never put an unsecured photo of yourself online.

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Who’s Watching Your WebEx? Webex has many back-door spy paths built in
KrebsOnSecurity spent a good part of the past week working with Cisco to alert more than four dozen companies — many of them household names — about regular corporate WebEx conference meetings that lack passwords and are thus open to anyone who wants to listen in.
 
Department of Energy’s WebEx meetings.
At issue are recurring video- and audio conference-based meetings that companies make available to their employees via WebEx, a set of online conferencing tools run by Cisco. These services allow customers to password-protect meetings, but it was trivial to find dozens of major companies that do not follow this basic best practice and allow virtually anyone to join daily meetings about apparently internal discussions and planning sessions.
Many of the meetings that can be found by a cursory search within an organization’s “Events Center” listing on Webex.com seem to be intended for public viewing, such as product demonstrations and presentations for prospective customers and clients. However, from there it is often easy to discover a host of other, more proprietary WebEx meetings simply by clicking through the daily and weekly meetings listed in each organization’s “Meeting Center” section on the Webex.com site.
Some of the more interesting, non-password-protected recurring meetings I found include those from Charles Schwab, CSC, CBS, CVS, The U.S. Department of Energy, Fannie Mae, Jones Day, Orbitz, Paychex Services, and Union Pacific. Some entities even also allowed access to archived event recordings.
Cisco began reaching out to each of these companies about a week ago, and today released an all-customer alert (PDF) pointing customers to a consolidated best-practices document written for Cisco WebEx site administrators and users.
“In the first week of October, we were contacted by a leading security researcher,” Cisco wrote. “He showed us that some WebEx customer sites were publicly displaying meeting information online, including meeting Time, Topic, Host, and Duration. Some sites also included a ‘join meeting’ link.”
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Quest Diagnostics Says All 12 Million Patients May Have Had Financial, Medical, Personal Information Breached. It includes credit card numbers and bank account information, according to a filing... HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO BE TOLD: "NEVER, EVER, GIVE TRUE INFORMATION TO ANY COMPANY THAT USES A NETWORK OR MAKES YOU SIGN-IN TO ANYTHING ONLINE!"

https://khn.org/news/a-wake-up-call-on-data-collecting-smart-beds-and-sleep-apps/


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https://www.wsj.com/articles/hackers-may-soon-be-able-to-tell-what-youre-typingjust-by-hearing-you-type-11559700120

https://sputniknews.com/science/201906051075646555-chinese-cyborg-future-chip/

https://www.emarketer.com/content/average-us-time-spent-with-mobile-in-2019-has-increased

https://www.baltimoresun.com/maryland/baltimore-city/bs-md-ci-ransomware-20190603-story.html

https://thehill.com/homenews/media/447532-news-industry-joins-calls-for-more-scrutiny-of-big-tech

https://www.bnnbloomberg.ca/the-future-will-be-recorded-on-your-smart-speaker-1.1270598

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/jun/9/robert-mueller-exploited-cell-phone-gps-track-trum/

https://www.theorganicprepper.com/the-unholy-alliance-between-dna-sites-and-facial-recognition/
Google still keeps a list of everything you ever bought using Gmail, even if you delete all your emails, and provides that data to political parties, the NSA and marketing companies so they can manipulate you

Todd Haselton@robotodd

Key Points
    • Google Gmail keeps a log of everything you buy.
    • Google says this is so you can ask Google Assistant about the status of an order or reorder something.
    • It also says you can delete this log by deleting the email, but three weeks after we deleted all email, the list is still there.

Google and other tech companies have been under fire recently for a variety of issues, including failing to protect user data, failing to disclose how data is collected and used and failing to police the content posted to their services.
Companies such as Google have embedded themselves in our lives with useful services including Gmail, Google Maps and Google Search, as well as smart products such as the Google Assistant which can answer our questions on a whim. The benefits of these tools come at the cost of our privacy, however, because while Google says that privacy should not be a “luxury good, ” it’s still going to great lengths to collect as much detail as possible about its users and making it more difficult than necessary for users to track what’s collected about them and delete it.

Here’s the latest case in point.
In May, I wrote up something weird I spotted on Google’s account management page. I noticed that Google uses Gmail to store a list of everything you’ve purchased, if you used Gmail or your Gmail address in any part of the transaction.
If you have a confirmation for a prescription you picked up at a pharmacy that went into your Gmail account, Google logs it. If you have a receipt from Macy’s, Google keeps it. If you bought food for delivery and the receipt went to your Gmail, Google stores that, too.
You get the idea, and you can see your own purchase history by going to Google’s Purchases page.
Google says it does this so you can use Google Assistant to track packages or reorder things, even if that’s not an option for some purchases that aren’t mailed or wouldn’t be reordered, like something you bought a store.

At the time of my original story, Google said users can delete everything by tapping into a purchase and removing the Gmail. It seemed to work if you did this for each purchase, one by one. This isn’t easy — for years worth of purchases, this would take hours or even days of time.
So, since Google doesn’t let you bulk-delete this purchases list, I decided to delete everything in my Gmail inbox. That meant removing every last message I’ve sent or received since I opened my Gmail account more than a decade ago.
Despite Google’s assurances, it didn’t work.
Like a horror movie villain that just won’t die
On Friday, three weeks after I deleted every Gmail, I checked my purchases list.
I still see receipts for things I bought years ago. Prescriptions, food deliveries, books I bought on Amazon, music I purchased from iTunes, a subscription to Xbox Live I bought from Microsoft -- it’s all there.




MOST OF THE OWNERS OF BIG DATING SITES TURN OUT TO BE CROOKS AND POLITICAL MANIPULATORS
- Beware of who you trust with your sex life
- Big dating site owners found to be engaged in tax evasion, sex trafficking, political bribery, privacy abuse, selling access to hackers, domestic spying, human rights violations, political Honey Traps and other crimes
- “Don’t worry, Trust Us” the site owners say but the world always later finds out they are leaking your data to all kinds of awful outsiders
- Never, Ever, trust a dating site to protect your privacy
- Every major dating site reads all of your text messages and stores archives of all of your dating site messages forever
- Every photo, or personal data point, that you put on a data site can instantly be reverse tracked back to all of your other work, employment, medical and personal data on the internet
- A low level admin or operations blogger in the offices of match.com, OKCUPID, Plenty of Fish, Tinder or other sites might tell you that “they don’t do any of those bad things” but they are either lying or naive. Big dating sites exist for only two reasons: Profiteering and Political Spying
Chelsea Clinton's OK Cupid, Match.com and Plenty Of Fish DNC Facial Recognition Political Spy Tech Is Growing Stronger By Stealing Your Face




 
Chelsea Clinton's OK Cupid, Match.com and Plenty Of Fish DNC Facial Recognition Political Spy Tech Is Growing Stronger By Stealing Your Face
- They use sex to trap you into revealing how to manipulate you.
- All of the JOIN UP questions at OK Cupid are essentially the DNC's political agenda questions
- They use emotional vulnerabilities to trick you into being spied on for political purposes
- Mass user class-action lawsuits being formed to sue Chelsea Clinton's IAC (The ACTUAL owner of these websites) into oblivion for abusing users
I asked Tinder for my data. It sent me 800 pages of my ...
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/sep/26/tinder-personal-data-dating-app-messages-hacked-sold· I asked Tinder for my data. It sent me 800 pages of my deepest, darkest secrets The dating app knows me better than I do, but these reams of intimate information are just the tip of the iceberg.
THE CLINTON DATING SITE SEX CULT CONNECTION
FACTS:
1. Chelsea Clinton went to Stanford University and helped get Stanford's Brainwash project going
2. The Brainwash project, and 12 others, harvest data from Match.com, OKCUPID and Plenty of Fish users
3. Chelsea Clinton runs IAC which owns Match.com, OKCUPID and Plenty of Fish
4. Jeffery Epstein finances the Clinton Family and is an arrested pedophile sex cult operator
5. Jeffrey Epstein harvested sex cult girls for himself and his buddies from Match.com, OKCUPID and Plenty of Fish
6. Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell was one of the heads of Jeffrey Epstein's procurement efforts of young girls
7. Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell was a guest of honor at Chelsea Clinton's wedding
8. Match.com, OKCUPID and Plenty of Fish sell their user data to the DNC and Democrat political operatives and all of the initial site questions on OKCUPID are from the DNC election platform!
 
SEX CULT BOSS Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell At the Clinton Wedding as Guest Of Honor
 
 
By Cade Metz
Companies gather massive databases of people’s images, for facial recognition spy tools, from OKCUPID
Cade Metz



© Open Data Commons Public Domain Dedication and License/Megapixels via The New York Times In an undated handout image from the website Megapixels, a sample image from the Brainwash database, created by Stanford University researchers, which contains more than 10,000 images and nearly 82,000…

SAN FRANCISCO — Dozens of databases of people’s faces are being compiled without their knowledge by companies and researchers, with many of the images then being shared around the world, in what has become a vast ecosystem fueling the spread of facial recognition technology.
The databases are pulled together with images from social networks, photo websites, dating services like OkCupid, and cameras placed in restaurants and on college quads. Although there is no precise count of the datasets, privacy activists have pinpointed repositories that were built by Microsoft, Stanford University, and others, with one holding more than 10 million images while another had more than 2 million.
The facial compilations are being driven by the race to create leading-edge facial recognition systems. This technology learns how to identify people by analyzing as many digital pictures as possible using “neural networks,” which are complex mathematical systems that require vast amounts of data to build pattern recognition.
Tech giants Facebook and Google have most likely amassed the largest face data sets, which they do not distribute, according to research papers. But other companies and universities have widely shared their image troves with researchers, governments, and private enterprises in Australia, China, India, Singapore, and Switzerland for training artificial intelligence, according to academics, activists, and public papers.
Companies and labs have gathered facial images for more than a decade, and the databases are merely one layer to building facial recognition technology. But people often have no idea that their faces ended up in them. And while names are typically not attached to the photos, individuals can be recognized because each face is unique to a person.
Questions about the datasets are rising because the technologies that they have enabled are being used in potentially invasive ways. Documents released last Sunday revealed that Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials employed facial recognition technology to scan motorists’ photos to identify unauthorized immigrants. The FBI also spent more than a decade using such systems to compare driver’s license and visa photos against the faces of suspected criminals, according to a Government Accountability Office report last month. On Wednesday, a congressional hearing tackled the government’s use of the technology.
There is no oversight of the datasets. Activists and others said they were angered by the possibility that people’s likenesses had been used to build ethically questionable technology and that the images could be misused. At least one facial database created in the United States was shared with a company in China that has been linked to ethnic profiling of the country’s minority Uighur Muslims.
Over the past several weeks, some companies and universities, including Microsoft and Stanford, removed their facial datasets from the internet because of privacy concerns. But given that the images were already so well distributed, they are most likely still being used in the United States and elsewhere, researchers and activists said.
“You come to see that these practices are intrusive, and you realize that these companies are not respectful of privacy,” said Liz O’Sullivan, who oversaw one of these databases at the artificial intelligence startup Clarifai. She said she left the New York-based company in January to protest such practices.
“The more ubiquitous facial recognition becomes, the more exposed we all are to being part of the process,” she said.
Google, Facebook, and Microsoft declined to comment.
One database, which dates to 2014, was put together by researchers at Stanford. It was called Brainwash, after a San Francisco cafe of the same name, where the researchers tapped into a camera. Over three days, the camera took more than 10,000 images, which went into the database, the researchers wrote in a 2015 paper. The paper did not address whether cafe patrons knew their images were being taken and used for research. (The cafe has closed.)
The Stanford researchers then shared Brainwash. According to research papers, it was used in China by academics associated with the National University of Defense Technology and Megvii, an artificial intelligence company that The New York Times previously reported has provided surveillance technology for monitoring Uighurs.
The Brainwash dataset was removed from its original website last month after Adam Harvey, an activist in Germany who tracks the use of these repositories through a website called MegaPixels, drew attention to it. Links between Brainwash and papers describing work to build AI systems at the National University of Defense Technology in China have also been deleted, according to documentation from Harvey.
Stanford researchers who oversaw Brainwash did not respond to requests for comment. “As part of the research process, Stanford routinely makes research documentation and supporting materials available publicly,” a university official said. “Once research materials are made public, the university does not track their use nor did university officials.”
At Microsoft, researchers have claimed on the company’s website to have created one of the biggest facial datasets. The collection, called MS Celeb, spanned over 10 million images of more than 100,000 people.
MS Celeb was ostensibly a database of celebrities, whose images are considered fair game because they are public figures. But MS Celeb also brought in photos of privacy and security activists, academics, and others, such as Shoshana Zuboff, the author of the book “The Age of Surveillance Capitalism,” according to documentation from Harvey of the MegaPixels project. MS Celeb was distributed internationally before being removed this spring after Harvey and others flagged it.
Matt Zeiler, founder and chief executive of Clarifai, the AI startup, said his company had built a facial database with images from OkCupid, a dating site. He said Clarifai had access to OkCupid’s photos because some of the dating site’s founders invested in his company.
He added that he had signed a deal with a large social media company — he declined to disclose which — to use its images in training facial recognition models. The social network’s terms of service allow for this kind of sharing, he said.
“There has to be some level of trust with tech companies like Clarifai to put powerful technology to good use and get comfortable with that,” he said.
An OkCupid spokeswoman said that Clarifai contacted the company in 2014 “about collaborating to determine if they could build unbiased AI and facial recognition technology” and that the dating site “did not enter into any commercial agreement then and have no relationship with them now.” She did not address whether Clarifai had gained access to OkCupid’s photos without its consent.
Clarifai used the images from OkCupid to build a service that could identify the age, sex, and race of detected faces, Zeiler said. The startup also began working on a tool to collect images from a website called Insecam — short for “insecure camera” — which taps into surveillance cameras in city centers and private spaces without authorization. Clarifai’s project was shut down last year after some employees protested and before any images were gathered, he said.
Zeiler said Clarifai would sell its facial recognition technology to foreign governments, military operations, and police departments provided the circumstances were right. It did not make sense to place blanket restrictions on the sale of technology to entire countries, he added.
O’Sullivan, the former Clarifai technologist, has joined a civil rights and privacy group called the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project. She is now part of a team of researchers building a tool that will let people check whether their image is part of the openly shared facial databases.
“You are part of what made the system what it is,” she said.
    •
READ MORE ABOUT DATING DATA RAPE:  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/13/technology/databases-faces-facial-recognition-technology.html
 


MAYBE YOU DO WANT TO GET IN BED WITH THE FRIENDS OF THESE DATING SITE OWNERS...Or Do YOU?:
EPSTEIN'S TEMPLE OF SEX...
Mystery surrounding private island...
Compound has safe room no one can enter...
How did he make billions millions?
His former students speak out...
New Mexico ranch linked to investigation...
Jeffrey Epstein's Accused 'Pimp' and 'Groomer' Ghislaine Helped Hunt Girls On OKCUPID ...
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/jeffrey-epsteins-accused-pimp-and-groomer-ghislaine-maxwell-attended-chelsea-clintons-wedding/
Ghislaine Maxwell, who is accused of grooming and obtaining underage girls for pedophile billionaire Jeffrey Epstein was pictured at Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Epstein had already been convicted for sex crimes by Chelsea's 2010 wedding. Maxwell appears in the photo just feet away from Bill Clinton as he walked his daughter down the aisle.
 
Jeffrey Epstein's Accused 'Pimp' and 'Groomer' Ghislaine found girls on OKCUPID, MATCH.COM, PLENTY OF FISH ...
https://trulytimes.com/jeffrey-epsteins-accused-pimp-and-groomer-ghislaine-maxwell-attended-chelsea-clintons-wedding.html
Ghislaine Maxwell, who is accused of grooming and acquiring underage women for pedophile billionaire Jeffrey Epstein was pictured at Chelsea Clinton's marriage. Epstein had at present been convicted for intercourse crimes by Chelsea's 2010 wedding ceremony ceremony.
Alleged madam massaged Jeffrey Epstein to teach teen victim ...
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/alleged-madam-joined-massage-jeffrey-epstein-lawsuit-article-1.2071123
A lawsuit is accusing alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell of massaging Jeffrey Epstein to teach a teen to become his masseuse. ... who was among the notables at Chelsea Clinton's wedding in 2010 ...
ghislaine maxwell chelsea clinton Archives - Current Affairs ...
https://wikiglobals.com/tag/ghislaine-maxwell-chelsea-clinton/
Ghislaine Maxwell Biography Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell is a British socialite and the youngest child of publisher Robert Maxwell. She has been associated with Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted child molester. Maxwell moved to the United States after her father's death and has become an advocate for the ocean as the founder of The TerraMar …
..What We Know About Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein's .
https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3763160/posts
Over the years, Maxwell has been photographed alongside many prominent, powerful people who are linked to Epstein, such as Donald Trump, Prince Andrew, Bill Clinton, and lawyer Alan Dershowitz. Maxwell was even a guest at Chelsea Clinton's wedding in 2010.
Ghislaine Maxwell - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghislaine_Maxwell
Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell (born 25 December 1961) is a British socialite and the youngest child of publisher Robert Maxwell. She has been associated with Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted child molester. Maxwell moved to the United States after her father's death and has become an advocate for the ocean as founder of The TerraMar Project.
ghislaine maxwell chelsea clinton wedding Archives - Current ...
https://wikiglobals.com/tag/ghislaine-maxwell-chelsea-clinton-wedding/
Ghislaine Maxwell Biography Ghislaine Noelle Maxwell is a British socialite and the youngest child of publisher Robert Maxwell. She has been associated with Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted child molester. Maxwell moved to the United States after her father's death and has become an advocate for the ocean as the founder of The TerraMar …
Bill Clinton pictured with pimp social fixer at Chelsea's wedding
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2906981/Bill-Clinton-pictured-Jeffrey-Epstein-s-social-fixer-Chelsea-s-wedding.html
EXCLUSIVE: Bill Clinton pictured with Jeffrey Epstein's social fixer at Chelsea's wedding AFTER severing links with disgraced pedophile. Ghislaine Maxwell is accused in court papers of procuring ...
Donald Trump Controlled By The Mossad - Part I - The ...
themillenniumreport.com/2017/04/compelling-evidence-donald-trump-is-controlled-by-mossad/
Ghislaine Maxwell is the daughter of late British parliamentarian and media magnate Robert Maxwell, also a Jewish Mossad super sayan prior to his assassination on November 5, 1991. Ghislaine Maxwell is not only a personal friend of Bill and Hillary Clinton but, apparently, also of Donald Trump (the two have been spotted together on several ...
Ghislaine Maxwell - Jeffrey Epstein's fixer invited to ...
https://www.pacificpundit.com/2019/07/10/ghislaine-maxwell-chelsea-clinton-wedding/
The corrupt media doesn't like to talk about Jeffrey Epstein's ties to the Clinton Crime Family. Of course none bother to ask why Ghislaine Maxwell - Jeffrey Epstein's pimp or fixer was invited to Chelsea Clinton wedding. Don't you find that a little strange if as Clinton claims, he only took "four" flights with Epstein?
 
Chelsea Clinton | IAC
https://www.iac.com/about/leadership/board-directors/chelsea-clinton
Chelsea also serves on the boards of the Clinton Foundation's affiliated Clinton Health Access Initiative, the School of American Ballet, the Africa Center and the Weill Cornell Medical College. She is the Co-Chair of the Advisory Board of the Of Many Institute at NYU.
 
Chelsea Clinton Received $300k As An IAC Board Member — For ...
https://www.dailywire.com/news/46784/chelsea-clinton-received-300k-iac-board-member-ashe-schow
The Daily Mail reported Thursday on records it had obtained showing Clinton was paid a little more than $600,000 in 2018 as director for IAC and Expedia's boards. "The IAC board met just six times in 2018, while some members of the Expedia board were only obligated to attend two meetings last year," the Mail reported.
Chelsea Clinton Received $300k As An IAC Board Member - For ...
conservativefighters.com/news/chelsea-clinton-received-300k-as-an-iac-board-member-for-attending-just-six-meetings/
It's good to be Chelsea Clinton. The crowned princess of the Clinton Clan just has to show up a few times and get handed buckets of money. This participation-trophy career has recently netted the only daughter of Bill and Hillary Clinton a staggering $300,000 for attending six meetings while a board member of "leading media […]
Chelsea Clinton Received $300k As An IAC Board Member - For ...
www.madnesshub.com/2019/05/chelsea-clinton-received-300k-as-iac.html
The $302,880 amount Clinton received from Expedia was the result of a $52,953 cash fee and $249,927 from stocks, which the Mail reports is the amount each member of the board was awarded. Clinton, as the Mail noted, is the youngest member of the board and unlike the next youngest member, 43-year-old Courtnee Chun, she really has no business ...
Chelsea Clinton made $300K for attending just six IAC ...
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6985787/Chelsea-Clinton-300K-attending-just-six-IAC-meetings-6-3-million-stock.html
EXCLUSIVE: Chelsea Clinton pocketed $300K for attending just six meetings as a board member of IAC in 2018 - and now holds $6.3M worth of stock in the company run by family friend Barry Diller
Chelsea Clinton Received $300k As An IAC Board Member - For ...
https://peltthepundits.com/2019/05/chelsea-clinton-received-300k-as-an-iac-board-member-for-attending-just-six-meetings
It's good to be Chelsea Clinton. The crowned princess of the Clinton Clan just has to show up a few times and get handed buckets of money. This participation-trophy career has recently netted the only daughter of Bill and Hillary Clinton a staggering $300,000 for attending six meetings while a board member of "leading media and Internet company" IAC.
Chelsea Clinton Received $300k As An IAC Board Member - For ...
https://clarion.causeaction.com/2019/05/04/chelsea-clinton-received-300k-as-an-iac-board-member-for-attending-just-six-meetings/
IAC and Expedia are both led by Clinton family friend Barry Diller. While each board member received the same stock awards, Chun was paid less in cash fees ($45,000) than Clinton. Clinton was named to the board when she was just 31 years old. This is not the first time Clinton has received an egregious amount of money for very little work.
Expedia names Chelsea Clinton to board of directors
https://money.cnn.com/2017/03/17/news/companies/expedia-chelsea-clinton-board-of-directors/index.html
Mar 17, 2017 · Expedia just named Chelsea Clinton to its board of directors. In a public filing posted Friday, the travel site said it named Clinton -- the daughter of Hillary Clinton -- as a member of its board ...
Chelsea Clinton Made $900,000 Working for Her Parents In Sex Industry Dating Site Biz
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/chelsea-clinton-made-900000-working-for-her-parents/
Chelsea Clinton landed a lucrative job at NBC after graduating college, but her salary wasn't $900,000, and she wasn't working for her parents. ... and as a board member of IAC/Interactive Corp ...
 
In Online Dating, 'Sextortion' and Scams - The New York Times
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/sunday-review/in-online-dating-sextortion-and-scams.html
· Scammers typically create fake profiles on dating sites and apps like Match.com, OkCupid, eHarmony, Grindr and Tinder using pictures of attractive men and women — often real people whose ...
Tinder Scam: 5 Examples To Spot Scammers on OkCupid and ...
https://www.insidermonkey.com/blog/tinder-scam-5-examples-to-spot-scammers-on-okcupid-and-tinder-515279/
The 5 examples to spot scammers on OkCupid and Tinder will help ensure that your online dating experience is smooth and you spend more time in finding the perfect person rather than the perfect ...
OkCupid Review | Free OkCupid Tutorials from TechBoomers
https://techboomers.com/t/okcupid-review
Now that we've covered what OkCupid is, how much it can cost, and assessed how safe it is, it's time to review the service. Will OkCupid help you find the love of your life, or will it fill your life with meaningless notifications? In our OkCupid review, we highlight the pros and cons of this service for you. Pros
Online daters, be warned! 1 in 10 profiles are scams, report ...
https://venturebeat.com/2012/10/30/online-dating-scam/
With a few of the largest player like OKCupid, Match, and others, there are precautionary measures in place. ... "In the war against online dating scams and security threats, we've chosen to ...
OkCupid Reviews | Is OkCupid.com a fraud or is it real?
https://leadingdatingservices.com/reviews/okcupid-reviews/
OkCupid.com - Summary. If you just want to chat with girls online, then OkCupid.com is a good free site to sign up to for a few fun online hours in the evening. But if you want to meet and date real women, then OkCupid.com is going to be a hard place to find decent women to date.
OKCupid Reviews, Complaints, Customer Service, page 5
https://www.revdex.com/reviews/okcupid/1483029/page/5
Review: I spent $59 for A list level access to website . I have not had a single person contact me . I am not satisfied with the service . I have had 5 fraudulent people contact me . I do not want to be a member of Okcupid A list anymore . I did not pay $59 for people who are committing fraud with fake profiles and pictures to contact me via ...
--URGENT-- Underage Sexting Scam. Can my fr - Q&A - Avvo
https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/--urgent-------underage-sexting-scam--can-my-frien-2317988.html
--URGENT-- Underage Sexting Scam. Can my friend go to jail for sexting and exchanging images with a 'Minor' Read More! One of my good friends is freaking out right now, I want to help him out....
OKCupid Review - DatingWise.com
www.datingwise.com/review/okcupid.com/
OKCupid 2.57 43 A review of OKCupid. OkCupid is a highly popular dating site that offers the majority of its services for free. OkCupid is a highly popular dating site that offers the majority of its services for free.
OkCupid A-List: Price? Features? Does It Get You More ...
https://blog.photofeeler.com/okcupid-a-list/
OkCupid A-List is not worth it if: you assume more exposure = more messages and dates. With a bad profile and OkCupid A-List, it's possible you'll just be rejected more and faster. On the other hand, it's possible to be extremely successful on OkCupid's free version if you have an optimized profile.
Ten fake profiles, one OkCupid experiment: OkCupid On Trial

 
Prosecutors say Jeffrey Epstein sent $350,000 in bribes to two possible co-conspirators days after the Miami Herald article was released last November (bigleaguepolitics.com)
The lesson here is that scumbags hang out with scumbags. No matter how rich the bosses of a dating site are, they can still be evil and almost always are:
CEO Of Backpage.com Arrested, Charged With Pimping : The Two ...
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/10/07/497006100/ceo-of-backpage-com-arrested-charged-with-pimping
CEO Of Backpage.com Arrested, Charged With Pimping : The Two-Way Carl Ferrer, the chief executive of a classifieds website that allows users to post escort ads, was arrested in Texas on Thursday ...

New charges filed against Backpage bosses | The Trench ...
https://trenchreynolds.com/2016/12/23/new-charges-filed-against-backpage-bosses/
California Attorney General Kamala Harris, has filed new charges against the heads of Backpage. After having the pimping charges against Backpage dismissed, Harris is now pursuing charges of money laundering, 26 counts of it to be exact.

Dating website founder: Love doesn't exist (Opinion) - CNN.com
https://www.cnn.com/2014/09/25/opinion/seeking-arrangement-ceo-on-love/index.html
Seeking Arrangement is a dating site, which means most of the men here are eventually hoping to have sex. Isn't that the point of dating? But this is not prostitution.

SAFER SAFE SEX WITH NEW TECHNOLOGIES

- You can rub a jelly on the male penis that prevents STD’s
Microbicides for sexually transmitted diseases are pharmacologic agents and chemical substances that are capable of killing or destroying certain microorganisms that commonly cause human infection (for example, the human immunodeficiency virus).
Microbicides are a diverse group of chemical compounds that exert their activity by a variety of different mechanisms of action. Multiple compounds are being developed and tested for their microbicidal activity in clinical trials. Microbicides can be formulated in various delivery systems including gels, creams, lotions, aerosol sprays, tablets or films (which must be used near the time of sexual intercourse) and sponges and vaginal rings (or other devices that release the active ingredient(s) over a longer period). Some of these agents are being developed for vaginal application, and for rectal use by those engaging in anal sex.

- The Oraquick mouth-swab is at every major pharmacy and can detect HIV in minutes with high accuracy
With OraQuick®, you have the comfort of getting your test results in the privacy of your own home. It's the only at-home oral HIV test approved by the FDA.
http://www.oraquick.com/What-is-OraQuick/OraQuick-In-Home-HIV-Test

- Home tests can now detect the top STD’s
You must be tested for the following STD’s before you start dating:
- CHLAMYDIA (genital, throat, rectal)
- GONORRHEA (genital, throat, rectal)
- HEPATITIS C
- HIV I & II
- HERPES SIMPLEX 2
- SYPHILIS
- TRICHOMONIASIS
- MYCOPLASMA GENITALIUM
- HPV
If you do not test for these STD’s on a regular basis, in the modern world, you will probably get one of them
https://www.athomestdtests.com/
https://www.mylabbox.com/
https://www.privateidna.com/
https://www.cvs.com/shop/home-health-care/home-tests/std-test
https://www.everlywell.com/products/std-test-male/
plus your own doctor and any community clinic…

- You can take pills to prevent HIV
Per:  https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/prep/index.html
..you can take Prep Pills to prevent HIV but you can’t usually get the prescription unless you tell the doctor you are ass-fucking gay men all of a sudden… It works on non-gay people but they don’t like to give it to straight people for odd political reasons.

- Get a home lab
The equipment to test for STD’s used to cost millions of dollars but now you can buy forensics portable testing equipment for less than $30,000.00 to test yourself and any new partner quickly. If you avoiding getting AIDS, $30,000.00 is worth the investment. The prices are always dropping. As a backup plan, you can use ORAQUICK and a combination of these tests: https://www.amazon.com/hiv-test-kit/s?k=hiv+test+kit


HOW TO NEVER HAVE A BORING DATE

Many first dates and new couples find it hard to think of things to do. Here is a small sample of the things you can do in just one area, ie: around the San Francisco Bay Area:
- Walk around Angel Island
- Ask a stranger for directions to the nearest park
- Attend a performance at Zellerbach Hall at the University of California in Berkeley
- Attend an Animation Film Festival
- Back the car up to a cliff-side view of the ocean and have a picnic in the back over-looking the entire Pacific ocean
- Bake Cookies
- Go to the student film festival at one of the universities
- Find a beach you have never visited yet
- Bed & Breakfast Inns
- Borrow a dog and take them for a run on the beach
- Build a roadside library box and fill it with your old bookstore-
- Buy a book at City Lights bookstore in San Francisco's North Beach
- Buy a pumpkin for Halloween in Half Moon Bay at Bob’s Pumpkin Patch
- Call into radio shows and see how much airtime you can get
- Camp, hike, bike ride, fish or whatever you like in Lake Tahoe (Several hours from the Bay Area)
- Check Out Art Galleries
- Climb a tree
- Collect stuff at the beach
- Crash a wedding reception at a Golf Club
- Dance to Salsa music in the Mission District of San Francisco
- Do an exotic jigsaw puzzle
- Do the “step-over” in a cross-walk
- Drive along Highway  between San José and Santa Cruz See beautiful mountains, homes, redwoods and much more
- Drive Big Sur and stop at Nepenthe or the Post Ranch Inn
- Drive down every road in Napa and explore
- Drive scenic Highway  from San Francisco to Santa Barbara
- Drive to the top of Mount Hamilton and see the Lick Observatory in San José
- Drop someone off at Alcatraz Island
- Eat Dessert
- Eat Good food
- Enjoy a beautiful summer day anywhere in the Bay Area
- Enjoy a California or Stanford basketball game
- Enjoy a performance or an exhibition at the Mission Cultural Arts Center in San Francisco
- Enjoy a sunset at any beach
- Enjoy camping on a beach south of Carmel Camping is available on beaches all the way to the Mexican border
- Enjoy international food and listen to music all weekend long during Tapestry and Talent in downtown San José
- Enjoy the beautiful homes and breathtaking coastline while driving from Pacific Grove through Del Monte ending in Carmel
- Enjoy the San José Jazz Festival at Cesar Chavez Plaza
- Enjoy the Santa Clara County Fair in San José
- Feed a homeless person
- Feed a squirrel
- Fish, drink a soda and eat calamari at the Santa Cruz Pier
- Flip some coins into a fountain
- Fly a glider over the farms of Monterey
- Fly acrobatic dual line kits
- Fly gliders
- Fly kites
- Flying Kites
- Foot Tickling
- Get a lifetime National Park pass and use it every month
- Get/Give a massage
- Go bike riding or just enjoy the flowers at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco
- Go boating in the San Francisco Bay
- Go Dancing
- Go dancing at the Top of the Mark in San Francisco
- Go dining with friends
- Go fishing off the Capitola Pier and enjoy the live jazz music on some weekends
- Go fishing off the Pacifica Wharf
- Go Furniture Hunting
- Go Hiking at Pescadero
- Go horseback riding near Uvas Meadows in San José
- Go People Watching in North Beach
- Go Roller Skating
- Go Sailing as ‘rail meat’
- Go sailing on the San Francisco Bay as a party filler guest
- Go shopping in downtown San Francisco There are too many shops to list Buy everything from fly-fishing gear to high-end fashions
- Go swimming
- Go swing on the Alta Plaza Swings on top of the hill
- Go to a bed and breakfast inn and pretend it is the 1800’s
- Go to a bonfire at the beach
- Go to a City Hall hearing and raise hell about an issue
- Go to a holiday buffet at the Cliff House
- Go to A Music Festival
- Go to A Restaurant
- Go to an Aquarium
- Go to annual Greek festival in San José
- Go to annual Italian Carnaval at San José's Holy Cross Church
- Go to Art Openings
- Go to brunch at the Awahnee/Majestic in Yosemite
- Go to Carnaval in San Francisco
- Go to downtown Los Gatos (Los Altos, Palo Alto, Burlingame, Sausalito, etc) and observe yuppies as they down $$$$ cappuccinos
- Go to Flea Markets
- Go to Japan town in San Francisco
- Go to MACLA in San José and see a Chicano art exhibit or performance
- Go to Matinees
- Go to Mitchell’s ice cream in San Francisco and get a hand-made ice cream
- Go to Museums
- Go to National Parks
- Go to Nordstrom's in downtown San Francisco and get your shoes shined
- Go to San Juan Bautista and visit the Mission and shop for antiques in a rural setting
- Go To The Beach
- Go to the Castro Theater in San Francisco and see a movie and an organ performance during intermission
- Go to the Century theaters and see an IMAX movie in San José
- Go to the DeSassait Photography Gallery at Santa Clara University
- Go to the Driving Range
- Go to the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum in San José
- Go to the San José Museum of Art
- Go to the Santa Cruz Beach and Boardwalk
- Go to The Secret Beach
- Go to the Stanford University Chapel for a performance of classical music
- Go to the traditional Thanksgiving Big Bone Game between Lincoln and San José High
- Go to the University of California at Santa Cruz to see the beautiful campus and redwoods
- Go to the world's largest flea market in San José
- Go water or snow skiing (gambling too) in Lake Tahoe (Several hours away)
- Go water skiing at Calero reservoir or at other great area reservoirs or lakes
- Go water skiing in the San Joaquin Delta
- Grab a cup of coffee at Java Beach and stroll the beach in San Francisco
- Haggle at Garage Sales
- Hang out at one of the many Silicon Valley watering holes in San Mateo to San José
- Hang out with the tourists at San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf and Pier
- Have A Barbecue
- Have a BBQ at San José's Alum Rock Park
- Have a deadly caramel ice cream sundae at Fenton’s
- Have a doughnut at Rollo's in San José
- Have a night entirely lit by candles
- Have A Picnic
- Have a picnic at Stinson Beach
- Have a sandwich or coffee at Robert's of Woodside Woodside is just off Highway  and is an affluent 'barb nestled in the forest. Maybe locals Joan Baez, Michelle Pfieffer or Neil Young will say hi
- Have a slice of pizza at Frida's Pizza in San Francisco's Mission District
- Have a steak at Original Joes in downtown San José
- Have a Taco at Taco Bell (on the beach) in Pacifica
- Have a tasty hamburger or a crepe at the Crepevine in San Francisco's Sunset District
- Have an ice cream at Ben and Jerry's on the corner of Haight and Ashbury in San Francisco
- Have breakfast at the Pork Store in the Haight Ashbury in San Francisco
- Have coffee at Mr Toot's (by the beach) in Capitola
- Have lunch in downtown Mendocino Watch but out for the pot brownies!
- Have lunch in the quaint Saratoga Village near Big Basin Way or Congress Springs Road
- Have some corn on the cob or sushi at the San José Nihonmachi festival in Japan Town in San José
- Have some Japanese food in San José's Japantown
- Have some of the best pizza on earth at North Beach Pizza of San Francisco
- Have some of the best Vietnamese food in the Bay Area at Tu Lan on (sleazy)Street near Market Park yourself next to the cooks (my favorite spot) and watch the cooks perform
- Have Sunday brunch in downtown Carmel
- Hike in the magnificent Muir Woods
- Hike or picnic at Alum Rock Park in San José
- Horse Riding
- Hot Tubs
- House Tours
- Hugging
- Indulge in a holiday buffet at The Top of The Mark (Especially Christmas and Thanksgiving)
- Inspect the archives at the Chicano Center at San José State
- Inspect the studios of emerging artists during open studios in San José or San Francisco
- Jet Skiing
- Just look in the newspaper your bound to find a festival, performance or exhibit that is just right for you in the beautiful San Francisco Bay AreaKeep an eye out for whales near Davenport
- Kick back (really kick back) and enjoy some coffee in Santa Cruz at Cafe Pergolesi
- Lay in the sun
- Listen to Los Lobos or other performers at Santa Cruz's Catalyst
- Listen to music or dance in a club in San Francisco
- Look at photo exhibits
- Look at the stars
- Look on Goldstar dot com for fun deals
- Make a gift for a donation box
- Make a leaf pile and jump in it
- Make Dinner Together
- Make faces at strangers to make them laugh
- Night Picnics
- North Beach
- Open Studios
- Pick a quiet spot in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park and have a picnic or toss the Frisbee
- Picnic along the secluded San Mateo Coast
- Picnic or play basketball at the San Francisco Art Institute You will enjoy a great view of Fisherman's Wharf from the roof top basketball court and cafe
- Plant a tree for a school
- Play cards
- Play Frisbee
- Play With Dogs
- Play with people’s dogs at the beach and hide dog kibble in your socks
- Practice Kissing
- Punch in “Parks” on your GPS and see where it takes yourself
- Refinish furniture together
- Relax and enjoy the cool ocean breeze at any beach during the summer
- Rent a houseboat on Shasta Lake Get a tan or go fishing
- Rent A Movie
- Ride your bike in affluent Woodside, Atherton or Hillsborough
- Say hi to ex-Mayor's Ron Gonzales of San José, Willie Brown of San Francisco or Jerry Brown of Oakland What are they up to this year?
- See a painting by Frida Kahlo at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art
- See a special performance or contemporary art at Villa Montalvo in Monte Sereno
- See a Stanford or California football game
- See art or picnic at the Yerba Buena Center in San Francisco
- See Chicano Art at Galeria de La Raza in San Francisco
- See lowriders, Banda dancers, and much more, at the enormous San José Cinco de Mayo
- See motorcycle or auto races at Laguna Seca
- See Teatro Campesino perform La Posada in San Juan Bautista
- See the Cleveland and San José Ballet perform Take in a symphony, opera or ballet in San Francisco, San José or Oakland
- See the fish at San Francisco's Steinhart Aquarium
- See the Forty-niners play football in SF
- See the giant redwoods and amp at Big Basin State Park
- See the giant redwoods in Big Basin Park near San José
- See the San José Sharks (NHL)
- See the sea lions at the Pier in San Francisco
- See the sea otters and sea lions play at Cannery Row in Monterey
- Shoot pool
- Shop and play in Capitola
- Shop at Bloomingdale's near Stanford University and observe the yuppies
- Shop at San Francisco's Goodwill or Sak's Fifth Avenue stores
- Shop at Santana Row and make up stories about couples
- Shop in the Castro, Haight Ashbury, Mission, Noe Valley, Pacific Heights, Marina or any of the unique districts of San Francisco and watch the posers
- Shop or eat in San Francisco's Chinatown
- Sit in a sidewalk cafe and pretend to be a hipster or beatnik
- Sneak into Google and Facebook and eat all the free food
- Snuggle
- Soak in the bathtub
- Stop by the tranquil Hakone Japanese Gardens near Saratoga
- Stroll along secluded Agate beach in Bolinas
- Swing on each of the swing-sets on top of every hill in SF (This is one on each – Find them)
- Take a cable car ride in San Francisco
- Take a charter boat-fishing trip out of Santa Cruz, San Francisco, Monterey, Half Moon Bay or Berkeley
- Take a dip and enjoy a massage at one of the many hot tubs in Santa Cruz like the Well Within
- Take a Red and White boat tour of the San Francisco Bay
- Take a short walk to the Haight Ashbury District near Golden Gate Park
- Take a train to the Train Museum in Sacramento and back again
- Take an extension class at one of the many colleges in the Bay Area
- Take CalTrain from San José to San Francisco and back
- Take in Japanese Culture at the San José Obon festival Bring a fan and kimono and join the dance and procession
- Take photos in secluded Bodega Bay
- Take the Ferry to Sausalito
- Take time for a leisurely coffee or lunch in Santa Cruz's Pacific Garden Mall
- Test Drive Exotic Cars
- Tour the wine country and have some beer
- Try an open mic nightlife
- Try Harmonica Playing
- Try Massage with Feathers
- Try the Paddleboats in Golden Gate Park
- Visit Alaska
- Visit Angel Island in San Francisco Bay
- Visit Antique Stores
- Visit California's most beautiful Mission in Carmel
- Visit Dee Harley and play with the Baby goats at Harley Farms
- Visit Golden Gate Park
- Visit Point Reyes
- Visit Sanborn Park
- Visit the dramatic shoreline of Carmel
- Visit the Green Gulch Zen Center near Mill Valley Walk from there to the gardens to the beach where Alan Watts lived
- Visit the KPFA (lefty) studios in Berkeley
- Visit the San José Rose Garden (Before San José evolved to become the heart of Silicon Valley it was called the Garden City)
- Visit upscale galleries in downtown Carmel or San Francisco
- Volunteer to walk pets at the SPCA
- Walk by the Boats In Sausalito and see Carla Fiorini’s chrome boat crane on her boat
- Walk down the Napier Lane steps
- Watch for Bobby the Bobcat on Mt Tam and the glider point
- Watch out for firecrackers at San Francisco's Chinese New Years Parade
- Watch the Giants play baseball at the new Pac Bell Park in San Francisco
- Watch the Oakland Raiders play football at the Oakland Coliseum
- Wear formal wear to an informal event or just walk around Union Square in a tux like you are going to some big deal event
- While in San Francisco, get to the corner of Cole and Carl by taking the "N" Judah trolley from downtown

...and that was with just a few friends discussing ideas. You can come up with a list this big for your town...just use your imagination.



THE BIG M: TYING THE KNOT


Of all the decisions you make in your life, few are as important as who you choose to marry or live with. Make a bad choice and you can spend your days and nights mired in unhappiness or consumed by anxiety or depression, conditions that not only rob your mental health but undermine your physical health as well.

So, do yourself a big favor and make sure you choose a mate wisely. Yes, you need some basic relationship skills like communication, problem solving and conflict resolution. But, you also need a partner who’s willing to engage in all of them with you and create what most of us want more than anything -- a sense of closeness to someone else.

As you grow to know someone you determine what you can and can’t trust. You also rely on him/her to meet certain needs. As time goes by, you develop some level of commitment. And finally, in a romantic relationship, there is sexual chemistry, which prompts touch.

These are the five bonding forces that form the glue of your relationship, he stresses. And, here’s the catch -- they must grow together in a balanced way. You must keep your heart and your head in harmony. So you never let one of the five forces too far ahead of your progress in any of the others
 
Of all the decisions you make in your life, few are as important as who you choose to marry or live with. Make a bad choice and you can spend your days and nights mired in unhappiness or consumed by anxiety or depression, conditions that not only rob your mental health but undermine your physical health as well.

You might be consigned to economic instability or subjected to physical or verbal abuse. Or you might find yourself struggling as a single parent. The consequences of a poor choice, and of marital dissatisfaction or even disruption, are far-reaching, extending even to the next generation.

There is, ladies and gentlemen, a science of mate selection, as it’s known in the psych biz. Relationships are not mysterious entities that enter your life through a magical flash of lightning sometimes called “chemistry.” That, folks, has nothing to do with the ability to form an enduring bond.
Love isn’t blind at all. Healthy relationships are in fact built on love, trust, commitment, intimacy and attachment.

A relationship begins with knowing someone, and the state of what you know controls the other dynamics. Your knowledge of someone grows with mutual self-disclosure and diverse experiences together, shared together over time. It’s important to see the way your partner functions in a variety of settings -- with friends, with family, with bosses and coworkers, with strangers, with children.

There are five crucial areas to deeply explore and come to know during the dating process:
  Family background and childhood dynamics.
  Attitudes and actions of the conscience and maturity.
  The scope of your compatibility potential.
  The examples of other relationship patterns.
  Strength of relationship skills. These are the areas that best predict what a person will be like as a spouse and parent. Using this approach, Van Epp insists, you can follow your heart without losing your mind.

Conflicts in the Relationships

Have you ever had a disagreement or misunderstanding with your spouse? If you’re truthful, the answer will most certainly be "Yes!". Conflict in relationships is inevitable. Even the best relationships experience conflict from time to time. The key to success in relationships is how couples handle their conflicts and differences.
About half of all relationships in the United States end in divorce. It is obvious that many people do not get married and live "happily ever after." However, relationships continues to be an important goal for most Americans. In fact, over 90 percent of adults will get married at least once in their lifetime. Most spouses start out full of hopes and dreams and are truly committed to making their relationships work. Yet as the reality of living with a less than perfect spouse sets in and the pressures of life build, many individuals feel less romantic and do not find as much satisfaction in their relationships. All relationships change over time. But with hard work and dedication, people can keep their relationships strong and enjoyable. How is it done? What does it take to create a long-lasting, satisfying relationships?
A volume of research indicates that most successful relationships share some key characteristics. This guide will explore these in detail. It will also focus on marital conflict and the skills needed to handle it effectively. Finally, the guide will discuss ways that spouses can strengthen their relationships.
Characteristics of happy and satisfying relationships
Consider the positive aspects of your relationships. What are you doing that works well and brings you and your spouse joy and happiness? If you have a satisfying relationships, chances are that your relationship has high levels of positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance, love and respect. These are some of the characteristics that researchers have found to be common in successful relationships. Let's look at each of these factors.
Positivity
John Gottman, one of the nation's leading experts on marital relationships, has found that the main difference between stable and unstable relationships is the amount of positive thoughts and actions spouses engage in toward each other. Through careful observation of hundreds of couples, he has come to the conclusion that successful spouses have far more positive than negative interactions. If there is too much negativity — criticizing, demanding, name-calling, holding grudges, etc. — the relationship will suffer. However, if there is never any negativity, it probably means that frustrations and grievances are not getting air time and unresolved tension is accumulating inside one or both partners. The key is balance between the two extremes. There are many ways to foster positivity in a relationships. Being affectionate, truly listening to each other, taking joy in each other's achievements and being playful are just a few examples of positive interactions that help make relationships successful.
Empathy
Another characteristic of happy relationships is empathy. Empathy means understanding a person's perspective by putting oneself in his or her shoes. Many researchers have shown that empathy is important for relationship satisfaction. People are more likely to feel good about their relationships and spouse if their partner expresses empathy towards them. Husbands and wives are more content in their relationships when they perceive that their spouses truly understand their thoughts and feelings.
Commitment
Successful relationships involve both spouses' commitment to the relationship. When two people are truly dedicated to making their relationships work, despite the unavoidable challenges and obstacles that come, they are much more likely to have a relationship that lasts. In most Western cultures, individualism is highly valued. Individualism focuses on the needs and fulfillment of the self. Being attentive to one's own needs is important, but if it is not balanced by a concern for the needs of others, it can easily lead to selfishness in relationships. Husbands and wives who only focus on themselves and their own desires are not as likely to find joy and satisfaction in their relationships. However, when spouses are committed to investing in their relationships and are willing to sacrifice some of their own preferences for the good of the relationship, they usually have high-quality relationships.
Acceptance
One of the most basic needs in a relationship is acceptance. Everyone wants to feel valued and respected. When people feel that their spouses truly accept them for who they are, they are usually more secure and confident in their relationships. Often, there is conflict in relationships because partners cannot accept the individual preferences of their spouses and try to demand change from one another. When one person tries to force change from another, he or she is usually met with resistance. However, research has shown that change is much more likely to occur when spouses respect differences and accept each other unconditionally. Basic acceptance is vital to a happy relationships.
Mutual love and respect
Perhaps the most important components of successful relationships are love and respect for each other. This may seem very obvious — why would two people get married who did not love and respect each other? The fact is, as time passes and life becomes increasingly complicated, the relationships often suffers as a result. It is all too easy for spouses to lose touch with each other and neglect the love and romance that once came so easily. It is vital that husbands and wives continue to cultivate love and respect for each other throughout their lives. If they do, it is highly likely that their relationships will remain happy and satisfying.
Managing conflict
Have you ever experienced a disagreement, difference of opinion, or misunderstanding with your spouse? If you answer truthfully, the answer will almost certainly be, "Yes, of course." Conflict in relationships is inescapable. All marital relationships — even the best ones — will experience at least some conflict from time to time. However, many people are successful and happy in their relationships, despite the conflicts that arise. The key to their success is how they handle their conflicts and disagreements. This section will explore many issues related to conflict, such as common areas of contention in relationships, gender differences in communication styles, and the importance of proper management of conflict. It will also discuss skills for handling conflict and how to solve problems in relationships.
More on common areas of conflict
Although all relationships are different, spouses frequently experience several common areas of conflict. Here are brief descriptions of some typical issues that spark conflict in relationships.

Money
Regardless of the amount of money a couple has, it is often the biggest source of marital conflict. Husbands and wives often have very diverse ideas about how money should be handled because they have experienced different family values and goals regarding money. Potential disagreements about money include how to spend it, how much to save and who should be responsible for paying the bills. It is important for spouses to discuss their values and feelings about money so each partner can try to understand the other. Constructing a budget and financial planning often require negotiation and compromise, but they are important tasks and aid spouses in identifying their priorities and goals for the future.

In-laws
Conflicts over in-laws are usually most problematic in the first years of relationships. A common issue that arises is one partner feeling that his or her in-laws are too critical or intrusive. Husbands and wives may disagree about the length and frequency of their parents' visits. Some people may also feel that their spouse is too dependent upon his or her parents. All of these in-law issues can trigger conflict within the family. Spouses can deal with in-law problems by sharing their feelings and discussing what kind of relationship they would like with their in-laws. It is important to avoid being accusatory and speaking critically of one's in-laws, especially during such talks. Expressing negativity towards in-laws tends to worsen the situation because it alienates spouses from each other and promotes defensiveness.

Sex
Sex is an emotion-filled issue and many spouses are afraid of getting hurt or rejected by their partners in this area. Thus, people frequently avoid discussing their feelings and expectations about sex. Even when partners do talk about sexuality issues, they are often embarrassed and speak indirectly about their feelings. These patterns can lead to conflict in the marital relationship. Difficulties with sex often reflect problems in other areas of the relationships as well. In order for couples to resolve conflicts about sexual matters, it is crucial that they communicate directly and specifically about their needs and desires. Many people feel very vulnerable in this area, so it is important that the discussion be done in a gentle, loving manner.

Children
Child rearing is a time-consuming task that requires huge amounts of energy. It's easy for spouses to become frustrated with each other over this issue. Husbands and wives often have conflicting views about how to parent because they were raised differently. Agreement about the best way to raise children may not always be possible, so it is necessary that spouses learn to compromise and negotiate in this area. Whatever decisions and rules parents make, it is important that they be united in front of their children. Otherwise, the children will learn to play one parent off the other, further contributing to marital disharmony.
Gender differences in conflict
Due to a combination of social and biological factors, men and women have different styles of interacting and handling conflict. Women raise concerns and problems far more often than men do. Men are more likely to avoid conflict and downplay the strong emotions that they feel inside. When men close down and suppress their feelings, women often become more insistent that they discuss the issues that have been raised. At this point, however, men only want to withdraw further. These different ways of interacting can lead to frustration and misunderstandings.

In order to overcome frustration with communication styles, it is essential that both husbands and wives improve their methods of dealing with conflict. Wives need to make sure that they bring up issues gently and in a positive, non-confrontational manner. A soft, gentle approach in introducing a topic for discussion usually has a greater chance of leading to a satisfactory solution for both partners. Husbands need to respond to their wives' concerns and complaints in a respectful manner. They can learn to recognize when their wives need to talk and take a more active role in resolving issues instead of withdrawing. It is each partner's responsibility to respect and honor his or her spouse and make an effort to communicate as effectively as possible.
The importance of managing conflict well
Although some conflict is unavoidable, it is critical that spouses manage their differences in constructive ways. There are several reasons for this. First, if husbands and wives do not handle conflict effectively, it is likely that negativity will increasingly become part of their relationship. As unresolved conflict and negativity grow in a relationships, the good aspects of the relationship often diminish and partners become disenchanted with each other. Second, research has shown that, when spouses are unhappy in their relationships, they tend to experience more physical and emotional problems than do happily married couples. People who are satisfied with their relationships even tend to live longer than those in unhappy relationships.
This finding leads to a third reason why it is important for spouses to manage their conflict well. A strong and satisfying relationships establishes a firm foundation from which spouses can function. When the quality of relationships is positive and supportive, partners can better attend to their personal responsibilities and obligations. A strong relationships also provides people with a greater opportunity to develop their personalities and talents than does an unhappy union. Although relationships requires a considerable amount of time and effort, it is crucial that partners care for their own needs and development as well. They can best do this when the relationship is warm and encouraging and they know how to handle marital conflict effectively.
Finally, it is essential that spouses practice good conflict management skills for the sake of their children. Conflict and hostility are extremely harmful to children's well-being. Many studies have shown that marital conflict leads to poor outcomes in children, such as decreased self-esteem, greater stress and anxiety, low achievement at school and behavioral problems. Conversely, spouses who support each other and have peaceful relationships are more likely to have well-adjusted, competent children. However, an unhappy relationships should not be preserved solely for the children's sake. Children in two-parent families marked by a lot of conflict often fare worse than those in families that have undergone a peaceful divorce. Whatever the situation, it is important that spouses learn to manage their disagreements effectively and control the amount of conflict in their relationship. This will help foster the well-being of themselves and their children.
Skills for handling conflict
Because managing conflict is so important, it is essential that you practice certain skills that will enable you to handle conflict well. The following sections highlight some of the skills needed for dealing with differences and disagreements effectively.
Open communication
Good communication can be difficult at times — especially during conflict. People often hear a different message than what the speaker intended. There are several possible reasons for this. First, spouses are often preoccupied with their own concerns or are preparing a rebuttal and do not really listen to what their partners are saying. Second, spouses may perceive their partners' messages negatively if they are tired or in a bad mood. Finally, different styles of communicating can also result in misunderstandings.
Partners can learn to communicate better by developing more effective ways of speaking and listening. It is important to take turns in a conversation so each can have the opportunity to express his or her thoughts and ideas. The person talking should focus on his own feelings and not attempt to read his partner's mind. He should also be positive and avoid making accusations or criticizing his spouse. The person listening needs to be aware of her body language. Eye rolling, negative facial expressions and crossing one's arms may signal disapproval to the person who is speaking. Even if the listener does not agree with what her partner is saying, she needs to make an attempt to understand his viewpoint and be respectful. Showing genuine interest in someone's feelings and refraining from giving unsolicited advice go a long way in creating an atmosphere that is conducive to positive communication.
Ideas for effective marital communication

    • When your spouse talks to you, try to understand what he or she is feeling.
    • Give your partner both verbal and nonverbal feedback so he or she will know that you have understood what he or she meant.
    • Be aware of the nonverbal messages you send when someone is talking to you, such as facial expressions or body posture. These can be very powerful!
    • Refrain from voicing judgmental comments and jumping to conclusions before your partner is done speaking.
    • Show respect for your spouse's perspective, even if you do not agree with it.
    • Take the time to really listen when your spouse needs to talk. Doing this will help him or her feel that you value his or her opinions and ideas.
    • When you need to have an important discussion, remove distractions as much as possible so you can talk with each other more easily. For example, take a walk outside in order to get away from the telephone or talk in your bedroom where the children will not interrupt.
    • Communicate clearly and directly so your partner will have a greater opportunity to understand you.
    • When you are speaking, focus on expressing your own feelings, not trying to guess what your partner is thinking.
Controlling negative thoughts
The way a person treats others usually reflects the kinds of thoughts he or she has about them. This pattern holds true for spouses, especially during times of conflict. When partners focus on each other's shortcomings and weaknesses, they often fall prey to having negative thoughts about each other. This negative thinking makes it more likely that they will treat each other unkindly.
Suppose a wife comes home from work at the end of a long, hard day in a bad mood. Her husband is in the kitchen making dinner and calls out, "How was your day?" Instead of responding to his question, the wife snaps at him for having left his coat and briefcase on the kitchen table. How might the husband react? If he is in the habit of thinking positively about his wife and giving her the benefit of the doubt, he may think, "She must have had a really hard day." He might stop what he is doing and give his wife his full attention so he could try to find out what is really bothering her. However, if the husband takes offense at his wife's complaint and thinks, "Here I am, cooking dinner, and all she can do is criticize me," he will be more likely to respond negatively to his wife's complaint and further escalate the conflict.
Research supports these ideas about the power of one's thoughts. Relationships researchers have determined that stable relationships have more positive than negative interactions, while the opposite is true for unstable unions. Because negative interactions are often fueled by one's thoughts, negative thinking can have a significant impact upon a relationship. Therefore, because the substance of a person's thoughts is often a powerful determinant of his actions, it is very important for spouses to control the way they think about each other. Husbands and wives can do this during times of conflict by focusing on the troublesome issue instead of their partner's flaws. By keeping their feelings about the issue and their spouse separate, it is more likely that they will manage conflict better and have a healthier relationship.
Forgiveness
Because there will be hurt feelings and conflict from time to time in every relationships, it is very important that spouses forgive each other when arguments and disagreements occur. Forgiveness enables partners to stay emotionally connected and keep their relationships positive. If people want their relationships to grow and become stronger, they must be willing to forgive their spouses whenever necessary. When spouses do not forgive each other, remain bitter and hold grudges, they often experience physical and emotional problems. Thus, forgiveness is important to the individual health of each partner as well as to the health of the relationship!
Problem solving
All couples will encounter problems in their relationships that will require problem solving skills. At these times, it is very important that the spouses work together as a team, instead of insisting on their point of view and working against each other. It is crucial to understand problems before attempting to solve them. Problem solving is a much smoother process when spouses have discussed the issue thoroughly and each partner feels understood. Surprisingly, research has shown that after a good discussion about a troublesome issue, most people are so satisfied that there is no need to come up with a solution to the problem. Usually, people just want the opportunity to express themselves and feel as if they have really been understood.
Of course, many problems still need to be resolved, even after open, productive discussion. Markman, Stanley and Blumberg, a team of prominent relationships researchers, have identified an effective process for solving problems.
    • It helps to set a specific time to work on the problem so that partners can mentally and emotionally prepare. During the meeting, spouses should think of as many solutions to the problem as possible, ruling out nothing until all possible solutions have been presented.
    • The next step is to choose the solution, or combination of solutions, that will best solve the problem. It is likely that negotiation and compromise will be necessary at this step of the problem solving process.
    • After testing the chosen solution for an agreed upon length of time, it is important for spouses to discuss the solution and whether the problem is being solved adequately. If not, adjustments should be made.
Not every issue that arises will require such an extensive problem solving process, but these steps can help couples solve their problems in a calm, controlled manner.
Changing oneself first
It is common for husbands and wives to overlook their own weaknesses and focus instead on the faults of their spouse. In some relationships, one person feels that his or her partner is the cause of their marital problems and the only one who really needs to change in order for the relationship to improve. This may occasionally be true. However, in the vast majority of relationships, both partners make a contribution to the conflict and problems that arise.

It is crucial that spouses realize that the only person's behavior they can control is their own. In relationships, it is typical for partners to become annoyed or irritated with what they perceive to be their spouses' personal shortcomings, unusual habits and weaknesses. For example, a wife may feel upset because her husband arrives home from work late on a regular basis. Or, the husband may resent how his wife cuts him off in the middle of conversations. Frustration over shortcomings such as these often builds over time, motivating people to insist that their partners change. However, people usually end up discovering that their demands are not granted and their efforts to change their partners have failed.
Instead of trying to compel each other to change, it is more effective for partners to honestly assess themselves and think about what they can do to make the relationship better. Considering the contributions they make to disagreements and trying to overcome their own weaknesses will accomplish far more than dwelling on their spouse's faults. When husbands and wives stop trying to change each other and instead shift their attention to improving their own behavior, they will likely be more content, even if their partner continues to do the things that they do not like
When spouses choose to make changes in themselves first, regardless of what their partner does, they are often surprised to find that the overall quality of their relationship improves dramatically. In an ideal situation, of course, both spouses continually strive to improve themselves and overcome their weaknesses. However, one spouse is often more committed to self-improvement than the other, at least for a while. Nevertheless, even if the other person does not feel a need to change himself or herself, the relationships will likely improve through the efforts of the one trying to change.
Strengthening the marital relationship
Although it is important for spouses to learn how to resolve differences, having a good relationships requires more than just being able to manage conflict effectively. What else is needed to create a strong and satisfying relationships? Recent research has shown that the most satisfied spouses have relationships based on good friendship. Nurturing the positive aspects of the marital relationship on a regular basis is also important. This final section will highlight ways in which husbands and wives can strengthen their relationships, including being good friends, performing daily acts of kindness, sharing enjoyable times and creating family traditions.
Remain good friends
Many people say that having a friendship with their spouse is an important goal of their relationships. Life usually becomes more complicated as relationships progresses. If a marital relationship is not built upon a solid foundation of friendship, it may become more difficult for partners to stay connected over time. It is also easy for spouses to become less polite and respectful to each other as time passes because they feel more comfortable with each other. However, spouses who remain good friends throughout life usually find much more enjoyment and satisfaction in their relationship.

There are many things spouses can do to keep their friendship alive.
    • Set aside a specific time each day to talk and reconnect. In some relationships, spouses stop confiding in each other and stop having stimulating discussions, only to later discover that they do not know each other very well anymore. All people change over time, and partners need to continue to learn about each other's thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
    • Another way to maintain friendship in relationships is to have weekly "dates." Dates allow spouses to spend time along together, which can be especially important if they have children. Partners can also build friendship by trying to avoid conflict during "couple times," making the time spent together more enjoyable and memorable.
How to be best friends
    • Talk.
    • Hold hands.
    • Go for walks.
    • Dance.
    • Play games.
    • Work on a mutual project together.
    • Plan little surprises for each other.
    • Laugh together.
    • Compliment each other often.
    • Create memories together.
    • Leave unexpected notes of praise.
    • Develop signals that say "I love you."
    • Go on a date.
    • Say "thank you" for little kindnesses.
    • Talk about your dreams.
    • Listen to music.
    • Say "I love you."
    • Remember birthdays and anniversaries.
    • Have a candlelight dinner.
    • Go for an evening or afternoon drive.
Perform daily acts of kindness
Another way for couples to strengthen their relationships is to express fondness and concern for each other on a daily basis. Showing kindness in little ways is important for several reasons. First, it enables spouses to increase their love for each other and become better friends. It also keeps little annoyances from being blown out of proportion, which helps the relationship stay strong. Daily acts of kindness can also promote the growth of romance in the relationships. When many people think about romance, they envision going away for a weekend to celebrate their anniversary or receiving a dozen roses. Instances such as these are certainly romantic. However, John Gottman has found that true romance is best preserved when partners frequently respect and care for each other in ordinary ways.
There is an endless variety of little things spouses can do to show thoughtfulness to each other on a daily basis. A few examples include writing love notes or sending special e-mail messages, helping each other with a project and preparing a favorite breakfast. It is important that spouses do not take for granted the power of such actions. Performing small, simple acts of kindness regularly can have a dramatic impact upon the quality of one's relationships.
Share enjoyable times
Most relationships start out with a lot of emphasis on dating and having fun together. After they get married, many spouses become busier and stop making special times a priority. However, it is very important for partners to take the time to enjoy their relationship
Research has shown that the amount of fun time spouses spend together is a major factor in the happiness of their relationships. Sharing enjoyable times prevents people from getting bored with their relationships and helps rejuvenate them when they are very busy and preoccupied with other cares and concerns.
In order for spouses to increase the amount of enjoyment in their relationship, it is likely that they will have to deliberately plan leisure time into their schedules. Planning and scheduling goes a long way in ensuring that the activity will actually happen and not be shoved aside by a more pressing matter. Spouses can have fun together in simple ways, such as going on picnics, taking walks, laughing together and having long talks. They can also plan more extensive times for pleasure, such as all-day outings or vacations. It does not matter what the activity is, as long as it allows both partners to relax and enjoy each other's company.
Create family traditions
Observing family traditions and rituals is another way spouses can strengthen their relationships. Traditions and rituals serve many important functions in families. First, they enable husbands and wives to figure out what is important to them and their relationship. They also give meaning and predictability to relationships and families. Rituals help couples recharge themselves from the stresses of everyday life and increase the amount of intimacy in their relationships. A relationships that is marked by many traditions and rituals is often richer and more purposeful than those that are not.
There are many ways to incorporate traditions and rituals into the marital relationship.
    • Having a private conversation at the end of each day is one common ritual observed by many spouses.
    • Going on a weekly date is another typical relationships ritual. However, traditions and rituals can be less formal than these examples. In fact, many relationships include traditions and rituals of which the spouses may be unaware.
    • Kissing each other goodbye each morning, talking on the phone during lunch and taking walks on a regular basis are all examples of less obvious rituals.
    • Many spouses also have rituals connected to special days, such as Valentine's Day and wedding anniversaries.
These traditions enable them to reaffirm their love and devotion to one another. Whether traditions and rituals in relationships are simple or elaborate, they are important and give the relationship shared meaning and significance.
Equal Opportunity
Our Relationships prohibits discrimination against any individual on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, physical or mental disability, sexual orientation, or because of marital, parental, or veteran status. This policy extends to all rights, privileges, programs and activities, including housing, employment, admissions, financial assistance, and educational and athletic programs. Our Relationships recognizes that non-discrimination does not ensure that equal opportunity is a reality for all friends, applicants for employment, and acquaintances. Because of this, the Relationship will continue to take affirmative action to ensure that friends and acquaintances alike are treated equally during their employment and/or matriculation.
Our Relationships strongly encourages minority group members, veterans, disabled individuals, and women to apply for positions for which they are qualified and that are of interest to them.
Boundary Issues:
Using Boundary Intelligence To Get the Intimacy You Want and the Independence You Need in Life, Love, And Work, by Jane Adams, PhD:

    • Define To Ourselves and Articulate To the Other What Our Own Boundary Style Is:
    • Identify How That Affects Ours and the other person’s perceptions of priorities made and boundaries drawn in context of the relationship.
    1. Awareness: Why? Have boundaries; why have defined or NOT defined them?
    2. Insight: understand what are our own and others’ impulses, desires, and decisions are and utilize knowledge to relieve internal and external conflict between us.
    3. Intention: Why blurring of boundaries, lack of definition, how does the intention or lack of intention affect our relationship?: Develop strategy to resolve conflict: Need to compromise to share losses and future gains together for health of relationship
    4. Action: Implement Course of Action

    • Man would identify by agreed on period if he is serious
    • Based on that, he would cease dating activities or anything else that might give impression that she is not important.
    • Activities Include:
    • Man would see women on an as-needed business basis in any setting that is prudent and does not violate the relationships.
    • In event that business requires one-on-one meetings to be held in traditional office during normal business hours.

How this policy applies to meeting strangers in public or service providers: financial planners, real estate, friends? Employees that you would inevitably hire and inadvertently develop a crush on you

    • Being civil and friendly is the norm.
    • Differentiate business prospects from flirtations; If you like public flirtations, you’re not ready for a truly serious relationship in my opinion.
    • If they ask you personal questions, inquire about their boyfriend or husband, tell them you have a serious girlfriend and are happy, even if I made you miserable that day.
    • Steer conversation away from personal chatter.

How Does This Policy Apply To Women He Already Knows?
    • Communications With women, if he is serious would be business related only.
    • Sexual suggestively or flirtatious communications, phone calls, conversations, jokes, or e-mail are out of bounds to either receive or to send.
    • If he has been the object of this behavior by an acquaintance and they have no significant business production, he would cut them out of his social circle.
    • He should not be in proximity of a woman whereas she would be able and  close enough to touch him in a suggestive manner. (Physical Boundary)
    • He should not be in any conversation either in the phone or in person to a point that he can be propositioned (or boundaries have not been set either with the person or in the conversation).

Pre-Nuptial Terms
If the idea of bringing up a prenup seems uncomfortable…you are not alone. Many people carry preconceived notions (and baggage) about prenups (prenuptial agreements also known as premarital agreements). However, more and more couples are using the prenup process to stimulate important conversations about how they define and safeguard their marital union (lifestyle, roles, financial responsibility).While prenups have received a lot of public and media attention lately, many people still don't understand their value. Not convinced yet? Read on.
Why?
Bringing up the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be a great way to learn more about your expectations, dreams and hopes. By starting down this communication path now, you are well on your way to creating a mutually fulfilling partnership. Whether you have high assets or are just starting out, have children or don't, there are dozens of reasons a prenup is beneficial to you and your spouse. Here are just a few:
    • To determine how you and your spouse define equality in your partnership
    • To establish the value of non-monetary contributions to a relationships, such as being a stay at home spouse and career sacrifices
    • To cover your pre-relationships nest egg (such as your home, pension plan, stock portfolio, or property with emotional value)
    • To protect gifts and inheritances you receive
    • To ensure that in the event of death or divorce, you will avoid difficult disputes over property (such as family businesses, stock options, professional degrees, licenses and practices, pension plans, and copyrights)
    • To ensure that children from a prior relationships receive their intended inheritance
    • To allocate any pre-relationships ownership/partnership in a business
    • To protect yourself from your partners' pre-relationships debt, ie credit card debt or prior loans
When?
Sliding a prenup across the dinner table a week before the wedding is not the appropriate time to bring up this important conversation! Conversations about concerns, expectations, and responsibilities are best had early in the relationship. As your relationship gets more serious, your conversations should get more detailed and specific.
Where?
Where do you normally discuss topics important to your partnership, such as life goals, finances or family? Find or create a calm, neutral spot where you will both feel open, at ease and unpressured. Whether it's your living room sofa, an afternoon walk or a quiet dinner, you'll want to create an environment where both of you are most comfortable- mentally and physically.
How?
You've gone through the why, when, and where, now here's the "how". Even when couples understand the reasons for these relationships contracts, many aren't sure just how to initiate the discussion. Take a look at these suggestions to get you started on the "HOW".
    • Openly, honestly, directly
    • State your specific concerns
    • Present an idea to be implemented by the two of you over time
    • Invite discussion about any underlying issues that arise
    • Work out your issues collaboratively
Conversation starters:
"I believe that relationships is a fifty-fifty proposition, and I'm concerned about giving up my job to become a full-time stay at home spouse. Can we establish a principle of 50-50 sharing at the outset?"
"Let's talk about our future, what we both want, our lifestyles, our present and future finances. I want to make sure all our money issues are addressed and resolved in an agreement. Then we won't have them hanging over us when we get married."
"One thing I have to consider before I get married is my parents' business. I need to be confident that the business will remain in the family in the event the unthinkable occurs."
There's HELP!
Need more help bringing the topic of a prenup up and having the conversation? This guide will help anyone who is looking to effectively build a strong and honest long-term relationship.
Prenup No-no's
    • Springing a prenup upon your intended
    • Presenting the idea of a prenup as a fait accompli
    • Suggesting a prenup at the last moment
    • Being overbearing or heavy handed
REMEMBER: Don't let a prenup fall to the bottom of your "To Do" list. The discussions you have revolving around the prenup are conversations you WILL have once you are married. Getting to know your partner's position on these important aspects early can help head-off more difficult discussions during the relationships. If you can't talk about touchy issues, it doesn't bode well for the relationships.

We agree to sign a prenuptial agreement

The terms will be:

Notice: This free prenuptial agreement form is provided for general informational purposes. Before you utilize any legal form you find on the Internet, you should have it reviewed by a lawyer in your jurisdiction to be sure that it meets your legal needs, and will be held valid by a court in the jurisdiction where you reside. For best results, both parties to a prenuptial agreement should be represented by counsel of their choice, the agreement should be custom-drafted to their specific circumstances and the law of the jurisdiction in which they reside, and the prenuptial agreement should be executed at least a month before the wedding date.
Prenuptial Agreement
This pre-marital agreement is made on this ____ day of ______, 200__, between ________________ and ________________ .
Whereas the parties intend to marry under the laws of the State of _______________, and wish to set forth in advance of their relationships the rights and privileges that each will have in the property of the other in the event of death, divorce, or other circumstance which results in the termination of their relationships;
Whereas the parties have made to each other a full and complete disclosure of their assets, as set forth in Exhibits 1 and 2 to this agreement;
Whereas both parties have been represented by independent counsel of their own choosing, and whereas both parties have received a full and complete explanation of their legal rights, the consequences of entering into this pre-marital agreement, and the rights they would possess were it not for their voluntary entry into this agreement; and
Whereas both parties acknowledge that they have read and understand this agreement, have not been subjected to any form of coercion, duress, or pressure, and believe this agreement to be fair and to represent their intentions with regard to their assets and to any estate that shall result from their relationships;
The parties hereby agree as follows:
    1. Each party shall separately retain all of his or her rights in his or her separate property, as enumerated in Exhibits 1 and 2 to this agreement, free and clear of any claim of the other party, without regard to any time or effort invested during the course of the relationships in the maintenance, management, or improvement of that separate property.
    2. At all times, the parties shall enjoy the full right and authority with regard to their separate property as each would have had if not married, including but not limited to the right and authority to use, sell, enjoy, manage, gift and convey the separate property. Both parties agree to execute any documentation necessary to permit the other to exercise these rights, provided the act of executing the documentation does not impose upon them any legal or financial responsibility for the separate property of the other.
    3. The parties agree that each shall be responsible for any tax obligations associated with their separate property.
    4. The parties agree that neither shall contest the validity or provisions of any will, account, trust agreement, or other instrument executed by the other which disposes of his or her separate property or which creates any interest therein in another. To the extent that such an action would create any right or interest in the separate property of the other, both parties hereby waive any right in the property of the other, whether created by statute or common law, including but not limited to any right to elect against the will of the other, or to take an intestate share of the other's property. The wife hereby waives any dower interest in the husband's separate property, and the husband hereby waives any curtesy interest in the wife's separate property.
    5. In the event of separation or divorce, the parties shall have no right against each other for division of property existing of this date.
    6. Both parties acknowledge that they possess sufficient education and job skills to adequately provide for their own support, and hereby waive any claim to spousal support (alimony) except in the event that:
        i. One of the parties suffers medical disability and the other remains both employed and physically able, in which case the disabled party may receive reasonable spousal support consistent with state law until such time as the disability is resolved, or the other spouse retires or becomes disabled from working, either by agreement or by judicial determination;
        ii. The parties mutually agree that one of the parties shall reduce his or her work hours, or shall refrain from working, in order to care for any children born during the course of the relationships, in which case, if the parent's employability is affected by this full or partial withdrawal from employment, that parent may receive reasonable remedial spousal support consistent with state law for a period of not more than two years, either by agreement or judicial determination.
    7. In the event of separation or divorce, marital property acquired after relationships shall remain subject to division, either by agreement or by judicial determination.
    8. This agreement shall be binding and inure to the benefit of the parties, their successors, assigns, and legal representatives.
    9. Without regard to the location of any property affected by this agreement, this agreement shall be interpreted and enforced under the laws of the state of ____________. In the event that any portion of this agreement shall be held invalid or unenforceable, it is the intent of the parties that all provisions of this agreement be regarded as separable, and that all remaining provisions remain in full force and effect. It is further the desire of the parties that all provisions of this agreement be considered as evidence of their intentions by any court, arbitrator, mediator, or other authority which seeks to divide their estate, and that their intentions be respected whatever the legal status of this agreement or any of its terms.
    10. This Agreement and the exhibits attached hereto contain the entire agreement of the parties. This Agreement may only be amended by a written document duly executed by both parties.
Signed this ______________ day of _________________, 20___
_______________________________________
Fiance
_______________________________________
Fiancée
Signed in the presence of:
_______________________________________
Witness
_______________________________________
Witness
[Note- Each witness should sign separately. You may wish to execute the agreement before a notary public.]

 
Post-Marital Endorsement
The parties, having entered into this prenuptial agreement in advance of their wedding, which was held on the ____ day of ________, 200__, hereby reaffirm that they entered into this agreement voluntarily, free from coercion, duress, or pressure, with the benefit of the advice of independent counsel of their own choosing, and continue to believe this agreement to be fair and to represent their intentions with regard to their assets and to any estate that shall result from their relationships.
Signed this ______________ day of _________________, 20___
_______________________________________
Husband
_______________________________________
Wife
Signed in the presence of:
_______________________________________
Witness
_______________________________________
Witness
[Note- Each witness should sign separately. You may wish to execute the post-nuptial endorsement before a notary public.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Relationships are a challenging endeavor that requires hard work, determination and discipline. However, as this guide has shown, it also has the potential to be very rewarding and satisfying. Spouses who seek to incorporate positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance, and mutual love and respect into their relationship are more likely to have a fulfilling relationships. Husbands and wives also benefit when they understand the nature of conflict and know how to manage it successfully. Finally, when people base their relationships on friendship, thoughtfulness, fun and traditions, they usually find joy and happiness in their relationship. Creating a strong and satisfying relationships is possible, and it is definitely worth the effort!


Personal Awareness Questions:
When you know the answer to every question on here, about each other, THEN you can probably get married.

These are to be answered live and in-person by both people:

 
Are you a creature of habit?
Are you a good listener?
Are you adventurous? 
Are you afraid to get close?
Are you ambitious?
Are you ambitious? 
Are you an “indoors” person?
Are you an artist?
Are you and “outdoors” person?
Are you assertive?
Are you comfortable continuing this relationship if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?   
Are you competitive? 
Are you content to stay home and cook? 
Are you creative sexually?
Are you creative?
Are you creative?
Are you curious? 
Are you dating now?
Are you easy to get to know? 
Are you emotionally available?
Are you emotionally available?
Are you extravagant? 
Are you Gay? Bi? Straight?
Are you gentle? 
Are you good in social situations? 
Are you handy? 
Are you happy staying home-snuggling-eating popcorn and watching a movie? 
Are you jealous? 
Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, lover or husband/wife?
Are you more concerned about being loved or loving?   
Are you neat? When do you usually shower? 
Are you open minded?
Are you open to meeting and getting to know them?
Are you polite? 
Are you predictable?
Are you reliable? 
Are you romantic?
Are you romantic? 
Are you selfish
Are you self-reliant? 
Are you sensitive?
Are you set in your ways – if so are you willing to be flexible or make changes?
Are you shy about your body?
Are you sincere?
 Are you sleeping with anyone now?
Are you sleeping with anyone now? 
Are you spontaneous?
Are you spontaneous? 
Are you still in touch with any of your childhood friends?
Are you supportive? 
Are you thinking about moving in the next few years?
Are you thoughtful, loyal, patient?
Are you thrifty?
Are you touchy feely? 
Are you willing and wanting to grow together? 
Are you willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement for work purposes?
As a couple, how do you socialize at parties
Can you adapt? 
Can you admit when you're wrong?   
Can you be alone? 
Can you be decadent?
Can you be laid back and put work away for awhile? 
Can you be monogamous? 
Can you be supportive?
 Can you express yourself physically and verbally?
Can you go play during the day? At night? Midweek? Weekends?
Can you handle intensity?
Can you have a monogamous relationship today?
Can you laugh at yourself?
Can you make decisions?
Can you make love but also have raw-hungry sex? 
Can you share your thoughts, dreams and desires?
Can you socialize and carry on a conversation with anyone?
Could you talk to me seductively over the phone? 
Describe your childhood?
Describe your sense of humor?
Describe your work?
Do they live with you? Ages?
Do you appreciate the simple things in life?
Do you believe in ghosts?   
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in the supernatural?
Do you believe that one person can have a productive impact on world change?
Do you believe that what goes on behind closed doors is okay? 
Do you believe there are evil spiritual forces in the world?   
Do you believe we choose our own course in life or is it preordained?   
Do you brush your teeth after eating?
Do you drink alcohol?
Do you drink coffee?
Do you drink daily? 
Do you enjoy your work?
Do you expect your future wife to take your last name
Do you face your fears? 
 Do you feel differently about people that are not as fortunate as you?
Do you go out to eat a lot?
Do you go to bars?
Do you go to church?
Do you have a best friend?
Do you have a favorite food? 
Do you have a favorite time of day for sex and how much is too much?
Do you have a large family?
Do you have a pet? What kind?
Do you have a temper? 
Do you have call waiting? If someone calls do you get rid of the person you were talking to?
Do you have children?
Do you have compassion?
Do you have good manners?
Do you have insomnia?
Do you have unprotected sex?
Do you like a house with lots of sun or kept dark and cave like
Do you like art? 
Do you like foreplay?
Do you like going to new restaurants and trying different food? 
Do you like going to the movies? 
Do you like it cold and use a big down comforter and snuggle or do you like it warm when you sleep? 
Do you like museums, the theater, concerts?
Do you like quickies? 
Do you like sex toys? 
Do you like soft touch?
Do you like sunsets and sunrises?
Do you like the rain?
Do you like them? 
Do you like to argue? 
Do you like to be held while sleeping?
Do you like to cook or bake?
Do you like to cuddle?
Do you like to dress up? 
Do you like to go alone? 
Do you like to kiss? 
Do you like to play outside or inside best? 
Do you like to putz around the house? 
Do you like to read? 
Do you like to shower alone? 
Do you like to sleep with the windows open
Do you like to travel and explore?
Do you like to watch sports on TV? In person? 
Do you like your bedroom dark?
Do you live in a house, condo, apartment, etc?
Do you meet new people easily? 
Do you move around allot? 
Do you own a car? What kind?
Do you own a computer? MAC or PC?
Do you own a FAX and what is the number?
Do you practice any particular diets or eating habits?
Do you prefer to talk or be quiet during sex?   
Do you remain friendly with your ex's? 
Do you set goals?
Do you sleep-in on Sundays?
Do you smile easily and often?
Do you smoke at all?
Do you smoke? 
Do you Smoke?, If so will you quit?
Do you snore?
Do you snore?
Do you socialize often?
Do you take a shower at night or in the morning on a regular basis?
Do you think alone time is important?
Do you think you have ever truly been in love? 
Do you try to find the good in all?
Do you understand and distinguish between the five states of intimacy (IE: Being sensual, being erotic, having sex, making love, F**ng)?
Do you want a relationship?
Do you want children?
Do you wash you hands before eating?
Do you wear pajamas?
Do you wiggle or kick in your sleep?
Do you work 7 days a week? 
Favorite food?
Have you ever been to an analyst, psychiatrist or psychologist? Why?
Have you ever made love outside?
Have you ever paid for sex?  
Have you ever seen a double rainbow?
Have you ever slept with someone on the first date?
Have you ever spent all day in bed!?
Have you had a recent STD test since you were with someone? Are you willing to provide a doctors certificate of HIV/AIDS testing from the last 30 days if your partner also does?
Have you recently broken up with someone?
Have you seen a green flash at sunset?
How are you at compromising? 
How do you feel about a woman having male friends? 
How do you feel about being touched? 
How do you feel about house cleaners
How do you feel about public affection?
How do you feel about someone that already has children? 
How do you feel if views are different?
How do you feel if you have to go to work earlier than your mate and they get to stay in bed and sleep longer?
How do you feel right now?
How do you look at each new day?
How do you prefer the weather?
How does answering these questions make you feel?
How does fast make you feel?
How does stress affect your lovemaking ability?
How important is it to you that everyone likes you?   
How is trust earned?   
How late do you usually stay out?
How long has it been since your last significant relationship?
How long have you lived where you live?
How many dates have you ever had?
How many different people have you ever been with sexually?
How many friends do you have in your social circle?
How many parties do you go to in an average month?
How much do you earn per year?
How much is too much to drink? 
How much time do you spend on the phone each day?
How much time do you want to spend together – what is too much, what kind of time together– working, volunteering, socializing, just hanging out, all of it or some of it.
How often do you change your sheets and towels?
How often do you talk about yourself?   
How should who-pays-for-what be allocated when going out?
How would you describe your personality?
I like gentle and sometimes not so gentle-how do you feel about that? 
If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?   
If you could live anywhere in the world where would that be?
If your mate was sick or stressed, how long go you put up with them being like that before looking elsewhere?
In what ways?
 Is family important to you?
Is religion a part of your life?
 Is spirituality a part of your life?
Is there anything sexually you would not do?   
Is there anything we have not discussed that concerns you about our relationship?   
Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does evolve over time?   
Is your monthly cycle likely to interact with a date or trip we have planned? Do you have sex during that time of the month?
Jealous?
List three things that really push your buttons?
Name a place you would like to go?
our position on recreational drugs?
Possessive?
Use an adjective to describe how thinking about it makes you feel?
What 3 magazines do you read most?
What angers you?
What are the medical tests and requirements for you to safely have barrier-free sex?
What are you allergic to?
What are you in the birth order? 
What are you most grateful for?   
What are you the most frustrated about in your life?
What are your erotic “kinks”?
What are your expenses per year?
What are your favorite clothes to relax in?
What are your favorite TV shows?
What are your feelings about having children?
What are your feelings about relationships?
What are your hobbies: and interests?
What are your sexual needs relative to specific actions or techniques?
What areas do you feel you need to work on? 
What can't you tolerate?
What did you like most about me when we first met?   
What do you dislike about being single?   
 What do you expect on a first date?
What do you fear in relationships?   
What do you look forward to?   
What do you not like about me?
What do you say it is?
What do you think of you and me in a relationship, so far as you can tell, all other things being equal, based on projection?
What do you value
What do you want-friend-lover-wife-or all of the above? 
What do you wear to bed
What do your friends say is your worst habit?
What does being "In Love" mean to you?
What gives you goosebumps?
What happens to us when we die?   
What I really want to know is what is your favorite flavor of ice-cream???
What is and what is not cheating?   
What is desire?   
What is the best way for me to show that I care for you?   
What is the best way to turn you on?   
What is the longest you have worked at one job?
What is the most exciting aspect of your life?   
What is the most positive, and negative, relationship experience you have had?
What is the purpose of your life?   
What is you favorite place ion the whole world?
What is you stand on religion and politics? 
What is your astrology sign?
What is your bodytype?
What is your ethnicity?
What is your favorite animal?
What is your favorite body of water?
What is your favorite color? 
What is your favorite drink?
What is your favorite form of exercise?
What is your favorite pastime?   
What is your favorite season?
What is your favorite sport?
What is your favorite surface or texture?
What is your favorite time of day? 
What is your favorite way to relax? 
What is your idea of a great weekend escape?
What is your personal policy re: homeless people?
What is your political viewpoint?
What is your position on how much money you should be provided with by your boyfriend of husband each day, week or month?
What is your position on who should pay for what?
What kind of birth control do you use?
What kind of books? 
What kind of education did you have?
What kind of intimacy have you been used to on a first date?
What kind of movies do you like?
What kind of music do you like?
What kind of music do you like?
What makes him/her so? 
What makes you feel good about being with me?   
What makes you feel important?   
What makes you feel lonely?   
What percent of your ex-mates do you still talk to?
What side of the bed do you sleep on
What sign are you? 
What style of clothes do you wear?
 What time do you generally get up?
What time do you generally go to bed?
What time do you usually go out at night?
What turns you off sexually?   
What was the reason you were terminated from all of the jobs that terminated you?
What would your friends say is your best quality?
What's your favorite childhood memory?
Where is the most favorite place you've ever been? 
Where is your favorite place to get away? 
Which do you like best, the beach or mountains?
 Who are your heroes?
Would someone's past haunt you or do you think you could let it go?
Would you dance with me in the rain? 
Would you go to the gym with me?
Would you go with me to do some volunteering? 
Would you like me to dress interestingly for you?
Would you still respect me in the morning if I did something totally naughty in bed the night before?   
Would you switch from morning to night or vice versa?
Would you tell me if I did something you didn't like? 
Would you understand if your mate couldn’t sleep if they held you all night?
Your drinking habits?



FACIAL SYMMETRY AND ONLINE DATING HATE EACH OTHER

Online dating requires a front-on 2D image but our brains are trained to reject most faces. Here is the problem:

All of these people have stereotypical “yuppie” kinds of “upscale” faces sought by sorority and fraternity houses at elite colleges. These kinds of faces are thought, by some, to “keep the line pure”. Other people think that sort of thinking is nonsense:

So how do you get a date when your subconscious brain is fighting against you? First, you need to understand the biology of the challenge.

As you see in the report at:  http://www.faceresearch.org/students/notes/symmetry.pdf

Why Are Symmetrical Faces So Attractive?
There is a surprising reason we are drawn toward symmetry, especially in faces. You are addicted to staring at certain movie star’s faces because of their “addictive facial symmetry”.

- “Love-At-First-Sight” is almost entirely about your attraction to a person’s facial symmetry and their practiced use of facially exaggerated expressions and social face muscle exaggerations.
- Political candidates, movie stars and business executives get their jobs almost entirely because of their facial symmetry

What constitutes beauty as seen on the internet?
Among cultures and through history, standards of beauty have changed considerably. At certain times, stoutness was a symbol of wealth and influence and thus was considered attractive. At other times, hardy physical fitness was the gold-standard. Different variations of skin tone, facial hair (men), breast size (women), eye color, hair texture, color, and style have all experienced wide swings in their perceived attractiveness at different points in history and in different places.

Source: Jean Alves/Pexels; RoyalAnwar/Pixabay
When it comes to physical attraction, cultural forces far outweigh biological ones, but there are a couple of features that seem to cut through the cultural conditioning and are seen as universally attractive. (Read about how our brain computes attraction.)
For example, across cultures and times, height is reliably rated as desirable in men. For women, a low waist-hip ratio is seen as attractive globally. Of course, these two features are each just one aspect within a full suite of qualities for a specific person and do not overpower everything else. However, there is indeed something special about them simply because they are so universal while most other "attractive features" are not.
There is another feature that drives perceptions of attractiveness and does so almost equally among men and women: facial symmetry. Across many clever experimental designs, researchers have confirmed that we rate faces that are more symmetrical as more attractive than those with less symmetry. Like height in males and waist-hip ratio in females, symmetrical faces are more attractive to people across cultures and historical times. But where does this biological attraction to facial symmetry come from? First, we must consider how symmetry develops.

Source: CFF/Wikicommons
Like all vertebrates, humans have bilateral symmetry about the sagittal plane. For the most part, our right side develops as a mirror image of our left side. Beginning during embryonic development and continuing through growth and maturity, the same developmental genes should be activated in the same cells, at the same time, and with the same dosage. In the ideal situation, all of that unfolds identically in the left and right sides of our faces, leading to perfect symmetry between the two halves.
Of course, in the real world, the tiniest fluctuations in gene expression and cellular activity lead to small differences between the two halves of our face. Look closely at your face in the mirror (or a friend’s face). You can usually see that one eye is slightly larger than the other. The larger eye is also usually higher. The nostrils usually show asymmetry in their size and shape as well, and the height and size of the ears can be surprisingly asymmetric also.
All of this asymmetry adds up to a symmetry score for each human face and these symmetry scores strongly influence how attractively we rate faces. Using CGI, researchers can transform an image of a face that most people rate as highly attractive into one that rates poorly simply by tweaking the symmetry.
But why do we find symmetrical faces more attractive? The dominant scientific explanation for the attractiveness of facial symmetry is sometimes called “Evolutionary Advantage Theory.” If the grand choreography of developmental gene expression is perfectly executed, the result is perfect symmetry. Therefore, anything less than perfect symmetry indicates some kind of dysfunction, however small. If, on one side of the face, a gene gets expressed too much or too little, in slightly the wrong place, or a bit early or late, the tissue will take shape in a slightly different pattern than on the other side. Most of these small fluctuations result in what is called micro-asymmetry, which we can’t detect with the naked eye (but which we may be subconsciously aware of).
However, larger differences in symmetry may indicate issues that have occurred (or are ongoing) with the growth and development of the individual. Some factors that are known to affect facial symmetry are infections, inflammation, allergic reactions, injuries, mutations, chronic stress, malnourishment, DNA damage, parasites, and genetic and metabolic diseases. Each of these is a  potential handicap to the success of the individual and possibly his or her offspring. While the resulting facial asymmetry is probably the least of the person’s worries, the rest of us respond negatively to it because it could indicate reduced fitness. Since mating strategies invariably involve the pursuit of the highest quality mate possible, facial asymmetry knocks someone down a few pegs in terms of their attractiveness. This is the currently dominant thinking about why humans strongly prefer symmetry in each other’s faces.
The preference for symmetrical faces is not limited to sexual attraction and mate selection. Facial symmetry appears to influence how we pursue friends and allies as well. Of course, we all want a “high quality” mate and co-parent of our children, but we also want friends that are high quality and, dare I say it, high status. It’s an awful thing about us, but everyone wants to be friends with the rich, powerful, and popular. This reality has become crystal clear in today’s society where people can be “famous for being famous,” having produced essentially nothing of value to anyone and possessing no identifiable skills, talents, or accomplishments and still somehow be known as an important “influencer.” I digress.
It's not altogether surprising that we, as a species, would read so much into faces. We speak face-to-face and we spend a lot of time looking at each other's faces even when we're not in conversation. We also have an exceptional degree of diversity in our faces and this probably comes from the face-centric nature of our social interactions.
In sum, facial symmetry is universally associated with beauty and attractiveness in both sexes and in sexual and non-sexual contexts. The most well-supported theory for this is that our species has evolved to recognize symmetry, if unconsciously, as a proxy for good genes and physical health. This gives us a tentative answer to the question: What’s in a face?
While many studies have shown that symmetric faces (e.g. left image above) are preferred to relatively asymmetric faces (e.g. right image above), the reason why symmetric faces are preferred is controversial. The Evolutionary Advantage view proposes that symmetric faces are preferred because symmetric individuals are particularly healthy. The Perceptual Bias view, however, proposes that symmetric faces are preferred because symmetric stimuli of any kind are more easily processed by the visual system than their asymmetric counterparts.

Which version of this guy is more attractive to you?:























A “Super Hot” yuppie girl is never going to pick a guy without a symmetrical yuppie face because society has spent decades of social programming her to reject any guy without a yuppie symmetry. Modern dating site prep software, though, can adjust your photos in order to make your face symmetrical.

Symmetry is one aspect of faces that has been extensively studied by many researchers in relation to attractiveness. The most common method used to investigate the effect symmetry has on the attractiveness of faces involves manipulating the symmetry of face images using sophisticated computer graphic methods and assessing the effect that this manipulation has on perceptions of the attractiveness of the faces. Typically, perfectly symmetric versions of a set of face images are manufactured and presented to subjects along with the original (i.e. relatively asymmetric versions). Participants are then asked to indicate which face is more attractive, choosing between a perfectly symmetric version of a given face and the original version. Because the faces used in these tests differ in symmetry but not in other facial characteristics, these findings demonstrate that symmetry is a visual cue for attractiveness judgements of faces. Although studies have generally shown that people prefer symmetric versions of faces to the original (i.e. relatively asymmetric) versions, there has been considerable debate about why people prefer symmetric faces.

Two different explanations have been put forward by researchers to explain attraction to symmetric faces: the Evolutionary Advantage view (which proposes that symmetric individuals are attractive because they are particularly healthy) and the Perceptual Bias view (which proposes that symmetric individuals are attractive because the human visual system can process symmetric stimuli of any kind more easily than it can process asymmetric stimuli).

The Evolutionary Advantage view proposes that symmetric faces are attractive because symmetry indicates how healthy an individual is: while our genes are such that we are designed to develop symmetrically, disease and infections during physical development cause small imperfections (i.e. asymmetries). Thus, only individuals who are able to withstand infections (i.e. those with strong immune systems) are successful in developing symmetric physical traits. Indeed, some (but not all) findings from studies of health in humans and many animal species have observed such a relationship between symmetry and indicators of health, with healthier individuals being more symmetric. For example, swallows and peacocks with symmetric tail feathers are particularly healthy and preferred by potential mates. Under the Evolutionary Advantage view of symmetry preferences, symmetric individuals are considered attractive because we have evolved to prefer healthy potential mates.

While the Evolutionary Advantage view suggests that attraction to symmetric individuals reflects attraction to healthy individuals who would be good mates (i.e. will have healthy offspring), the Perceptual Bias view of symmetry preferences makes a very different claim. Our visual system may be ‘hard wired’ in such a way that it is easier to process symmetric stimuli than it is to process asymmetric stimuli. Because of this greater ease of processing symmetric stimuli, symmetric stimuli of any kind might be preferred to relatively asymmetric stimuli. Under the perceptual bias view, preferences for symmetric faces are no different to preferences for symmetric objects of any kind. Indeed, it has been shown that people prefer symmetric pieces of abstract art and sculpture to relatively asymmetric versions.

Little and Jones (2003) carried out a study that investigated why people prefer symmetric faces to asymmetric faces, testing predictions derived from both the Evolutionary Advantage view and the Perceptual Bias view of symmetry preferences. Previous studies have found that symmetry had a bigger effect on the attractiveness of opposite-sex faces than own-sex faces and have suggested this is because opposite-sex faces are an example of ‘mate choice relevant stimuli’ (i.e. they are the faces of potential mates and own-sex faces are not).

Little and Jones noted that it is well established that inverting face images (i.e. turning them upside down) reduces the ease with which they can be processed and are perceived as being people. While people find it easy to process faces that are the right way up, face processing is disrupted by inversion to a far greater extent than processing of other types of visual stimuli is. Furthermore, inverted faces are processed more like other objects when inverted than when they are upright. Inverting faces, however, will obviously not alter how symmetric the faces are. So while opposite-sex upright faces are ‘mate choice relevant stimuli’ (i.e. are easily perceived as potential mates) inverted faces will be perceived more like objects, even though both inverted and upright faces will be equally symmetric. While the evolutionary advantage view suggests that preferences for symmetric faces will be weaker when the faces are inverted (because they will be perceived as less mate choice relevant), the perceptual bias view suggests that inversion will have no effect on symmetry preferences because symmetry is attractive in any type of stimulus. With this in mind, Little and Jones tested if inverting the faces used to assess preferences for symmetric faces weakens the strength of symmetry preferences (which would support an Evolutionary Advantage account of symmetry preferences) or if symmetry is equally attractive in upright and inverted faces (which would support a Perceptual Bias account of symmetry preferences).

Little and Jones found that symmetric faces were judged more attractive than asymmetric faces when faces were shown the right way up, but not when the faces presented were inverted. Because this suggests that symmetry is more attractive in mate choice relevant stimuli than in other types of stimuli, Little and Jones' findings support an evolutionary advantage account of why symmetric faces are attractive and present difficulties for the Perceptual Bias account (which proposes that symmetry will be preferred in stimuli of any kind).


THE GOLD-DIGGER OR ‘FOODIE CALL’ VAMPIRE DATES

A large percentage of people use dates for free food with no intention of ever engaging with the other person. Here are some discussions of this issue:

In the current recession, many people date for expense offset. One must be clear, up front, if this is their agenda. If your dating partner has visions of a traditional relationship and later finds out your plan is to use them for income, the results will never be good.

The best program is to state this up front in a clear manner. Do NOT be suggestive, the other person will almost always interpret the implied comment as the more traditional implication and sadness will result.

There is a current standard structure in most major cities: $300/per hour with a volume commitment discount. $3000/per month. If the person is unusually hot, has super defined abs and super model facial structure the "donation can go up to $10,000/month. A once a week, twice a week or "anytime" get-together frequency rate is arranged between the two people.

It is a highly competitive market. There are hundreds of thousands of people doing it in each major city and super hot ones are coming here from overseas, every week, to do it. 90% of the arrangements are cancelled after the first month because the other person realizes that competitive market rates are lower than they first thought.

Wealthy men in technology cities and industrial cities consider it a business status factor to brag about their mistress to other businessmen.

The code words in ads and profiles are:

"Arrangement"
"Discrete"
"Gentleman"
"Generous"
"Studying in college"
"Complete my degree"
"Single mother"

Is being a mistress or gigolo OK? Check with your local laws, therapist and personal compass and tell the other person, in the very FIRST conversation, about this being your agenda. Silicon Valley, New York City and Los Angeles have the largest number of Dating-For-Cash people on their dating sites.




Millionaire, Gold Digger dating sites
https://www.allonlinedatingsites.com/millionaire-dating-sites
Millionaire & rich dating. Here you will find all millionaire dating sites. Millionaire dating sites are created only for wealthy people or beautiful gold digger girls seeking rich men. In this list you will find a collection of international millionaire dating sites. RichHookUp is a focused rich men dating site where you can hook up rich men.

Gold diggers dating sites - ITD World
https://itdworld.com/gold-diggers-dating-sites/
Gold diggers dating sites - Men looking for a woman - Women looking for a man. Find a man in my area! Free to join to find a man and meet a woman online who is single and hunt for you.
Single Gold Diggers Interested In Gold Diggers Dating
https://www.golddiggersdating.com/browse/singles,33,gold-diggers-dating.html
Gold Diggers Dating is part of the Infinite Connections dating network, which includes many other general and sugar daddy dating sites. As a member of Gold Diggers Dating, your profile will automatically be shown on related sugar daddy dating sites or to related users in the Infinite Connections network at no additional charge.
How to Spot Gold Digger on Online Dating Website ...
www.love-sites.com/how-to-spot-gold-digger-on-online-dating-website/
Gold diggers - be it gorgeous Russian ladies or American beauties - are very manipulative and can be so subtle that most men don't suspect anything before it's too late and she drains their bank account. There are certain ways you can spot a gold digger on online dating websites.
10 Signs you are Dating a Gold-Digger - idateadvice
https://idateadvice.com/10-signs-you-are-dating-a-gold-digger
10 Signs you are Dating a Gold-Digger. The second date involved a reservation at the most expensive restaurant in the city and a black Dior dress with a pair of sky high Jimmy Choos. Fast forward to two months later, I had spent thousands of dollars on this girl and her sweet personality had mostly vanished.
Are Chinese Dating Sites Full of Gold Diggers? - Chinese ...
https://www.chinesedatingsitesguide.com/articles/chinese-dating/gold-diggers/
Some men end up spending a lot of money chatting to girls on pay per contact sites. Other men fall prey to scammers, and end up wiring off their life savings via Western Union. Top on the list of worries is the issue of gold diggers. So are Chinese dating sites full of gold diggers, and how should you avoid them?
Gold Diggers Dating Site
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Gold Diggers Dating Site - Chat and meet beautiful girls and handsome guys on our dating site. We are leading online dating site for singles who are looking for relationship. These sites offer personalized services for foreign men looking for Russian women to marry or establish an online relationship.
Why women r gold diggers?! | Mingle2
https://mingle2.com/topic/575233?page=2
Everybody's life should be their own... live and love freely... these insane laws of who gets what is ridiculous... except where common law is practiced you should enforce a union where you still have the ceremony but the courts are out of jurisdiction... that piece of paper has ruined a lot of soulmate connections making them feel unworthy of ever finding that special someone because they have!

Ukrainian dating experience with a gold digger - Russian ...
https://www.ukrainiandatingstories.com/ukrainian-dating-experience-with-a-gold-digger/
This site contains the personal opinions and other expressions of the persons who post the dating agency reviews. UkrainianDatingStories.com does not control or guarantee the information contained in these reviews or information contained in links to other external web sites, and does not endorse any views expressed or services offered therein.

DATING LATER IN LIFE

After six months of coffee dates with women he met through an online dating site, Dave Prochniak was ready to give up.
“I met too many angry goofballs. I thought, the hell with it, I’ll just be single and work on my garden,” said Prochniak, 55.
But then he spotted a profile that intrigued him. “I found her mysterious,” he said.
Barbara Allen had been on the site for two years, an experience that had prompted her to pare down her profile. “I’d been a stay-at-home mom and I saw how that freaked guys out so I disappeared for a while, then turned my profile back on to try again,” said Allen, 55.
The two, who live in a suburb outside St. Paul, Minn., texted, then talked, and then Prochniak invited Allen to meet him at a coffee shop where he was hanging canvases for a show of his paintings.
The chemistry between the pair, both of whom had been divorced, was immediate. “I walked her to her mom-minivan and gave her a hug,” Prochniak recalled.
Within two weeks, he said, they were in love.
Stories like that are not unusual, but for every midlife encounter that hits, there are a near-infinite number of disappointing, unfulfilling or just plain weird dates that miss.
There are, however, strategies from those who study online dating that can help even the odds of finding a match, whether for a night on the town or a lifelong relationship.
Try before you buy
The online dating industry recognizes that people of all ages want to pair up, whether they’re longtime singles with experience connecting over the internet or the divorced or widowed who are returning to dating.
There’s a proliferation of sites and apps specifically targeting over-50 daters, both same-sex and straight; that’s in addition to all-ages sites that boast significant numbers of older members.
“It’s a societal misnomer that people stop wanting to find love and give up having sex at a certain age,” said Amie Clark, founder of The Senior List, a consumer site that regularly publishes stories about online dating for its midlife readers.
A recent post ranked the best apps and sites for older daters. Clark said most of the top finishers allow prospects to test them out.
“Our advice is: try before you buy. Sign up for a free limited trial and browse before making a financial commitment,” Clark said. “Our research found many dating sites are owned by the same companies. They seem to work about the same, but cater to niches.”
Clark said there’s no secret to success, but advises daters to “take the time and energy to put out there what you want back.”
‘Treat this like a business’
The U.S. Census Bureau calculates almost half of American adults are unmarried, and dating sites and apps foster interactions for those singles.
Online options are preferred by busy older people who don’t have the time, patience or interest in meeting a companionable prospect in the hunting grounds of their youth. Dating in the workplace is fraught with peril as people move along in their careers and the bar scene has lost its appeal.
“My favorite people to work with are 50 and over,” said Denys Crea, 62, vice president of the Pairings Group, a relationship and matchmaking agency. Crea specializes in dating re-entry and coaching online daters, male and female. “By the time I meet them, they’re exhausted and frustrated (from online dating). I tell them, if you know how to cast a wide net, you will have fun and get results.”
Crea, who charges $1,295 for her services, advises clients on their photos and assists them in crafting a profile that makes the right first impression. She helps them select a site that suits their personality, guides them in evaluating dating candidates and then offers post-date analysis.
“You have to treat this like a business,” Crea insists. “Commit the time, set goals. Don’t mess around. Think about the qualities you’re looking for and really read the profiles to see if they have them.”
Crea says the one consistent deal breaker for everyone looking for love (or some facsimile of it) should be dishonesty from a potential match. She tells her clients to lead with their own authenticity.
Also see: Dating after 50: Who pays? And should I accept a date by text?
“At this age, life is complicated. Everyone has some baggage. But dating is simpler. They’re not looking for someone to have kids with; they’re often not looking for marriage. They’re looking for a romantic partner,” Crea said. “They’re adults and they can look over someone’s accomplishments and choices and see what they’ve done with their lives.”
Done being single
Navigating midlife dating, relationships and romance is the subject of the Done Being Single podcast and internet radio show. Hosts and spouses Treva and Robby Scharf, who were in their 50s when they married (the first time for each), bring decades of experience in the search for love to their listeners. Both have used apps and sites and see online dating as a crucial but imperfect resource for midlife singles.
“People would not be dating without [online dating]; it’s not easy to meet eligible people. But it has its drawbacks,” said Treva. “There’s so much selection that it can paralyze you or leave you dissatisfied, feeling like no matter who you choose, there might be someone better out there that you’re missing.”
The Scharfs advise daters to switch up their game to make successful cyber connections.
“They have to learn how to flirt in a two-dimensional medium, using the way they write instead of eye contact,” Robby said. “Coming out of a long-term marriage, they might feel they’ve lost their touch. It’s ego-flattering when they see who contacted or swiped them. But they have to resist getting lazy and spending their time with superficial back-and-forth messaging instead of getting out there.”
That’s why the couple urges daters who click in an online connection to waste no time setting up a face-to-face meeting. “Get out there. Meet quickly and find out if there’s real life chemistry,” Robby added. “Don’t confuse online interactions with dating.”
While Treva bemoans the fact that online dating can be “cruel, soulless and depressing,” she also finds it magical.
“It’s one part effort and one part faith. You must put in the effort; go onto different sites, get nice pictures, work on your profile,” she said. “Then let it go and let faith take over; believe that the universe will do its part in bringing you to who you are supposed to meet.”
A meeting, a marriage
Last spring, Barbara Allen and Dave Prochniak bought a marriage license. They are talking about staging a “pop-up wedding” this summer, gathering her three daughters, his son and their close friends to witness a low-key ceremony where they will speak their vows.
“We’re a good fit; we get along and communicate so well,” said Allen. “We have a lot to look forward to.”
“We feel really lucky,” added Prochniak. “Lucky and thankful.”
Five things to know about online dating
1. Three-quarters of online daters never update their original profile. But if you switch up the text and add new pictures, site algorithms will likely reward you by sharing your profile to new and different eyes.
2. Sunday is the busiest day for online dating. Make time after brunch to get on your app and browse. This is also an excellent time to post your freshened profile.
3. Safety first. Arrange a public get-together, tell a friend the details of whom you’re meeting and don’t overshare on first or even second dates. When you use your real name, a quick Google search can reveal your address, property you own, professional information and more.
4. There’s someone for everyone. In addition to mainstream sites, there are dating platforms for people of different religious and professional backgrounds and some oddly specific narrow niches, including sites for the gluten intolerant, cannabis fans, and people with STDs.
5. Practice saying this: “I don’t think you’re a match for me.” Only you know what you’re looking for. When you don’t feel a connection, be frank and don’t waste your time — or theirs.

HONEY TRAPS WILL BE SENT BY YOUR COMPETITORS, ENEMIES AND POLITICAL ADVERSARIES

If you are successful in business, politics, media, social change or, really, anything that affects other big players, expect to have a few too-good-to-be-true hotties try to date you on match.com, OKCUPID, PLENTY OF FISH, TINDER or other big sites.

They may be shills sent to destroy you.

If someone does not like you, they can reverse search your photo or vital statistics and find every dating site you are on. Then they can target you for a social kill. Here is how it works:

Honey trapping - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_trapping
Honey trapping is an investigative practice that uses romantic or sexual relationships for an interpersonal, political or monetary purpose to the detriment of one party involved in this romantic or sexual affair. Investigators are also often employed by wives, husbands, and other partners usually when an illicit romantic affair is suspected of the "target", or subject of the investigation.

The History of the Honey Trap - Foreign Policy
https://foreignpolicy.com/2010/03/12/the-history-of-the-honey-trap/
One of the best-known honey traps in spy history involves Mata Hari, a Dutch woman who had spent some years as an erotic dancer in Java. (Greta Garbo played her in a famous 1931 film.) During ...
Politicians at mercy of Honey Traps - 30 Minutes - TV9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-xZR690K70
TV9 Telugu LIVE : Sujana Chowdary in Encounter with Murali Krishna TV9 Telugu Live 3,447 watching Live now Baahubali Black Holes : Questions without Answers - Spotlight - TV9 - Duration: 13:42.
The Professors, George, and The Honey Trap
www.politicalpaige.net/5-may-2019-the-professors-george-and-the-honey-trap.html
the professors, george, and the honey trap A 9 minute free range take on this blog article is now available above as a PodCast. For this and more episodes of the PodCast, check out PoliticalPaige.net Blog at its home on Spreaker .
How to Spot a Honey Trap - ClearanceJobs
https://news.clearancejobs.com/2016/08/28/how-to-spot-a-honey-trap/
Something about small favors. If honey traps are in it for the long haul, they start actual relationships with their marks. Long term relationships built on sex and secrets. They probe gingerly at first—asking for something small. Some tiny secret that can help her somehow. For work or whatever.
Honey trap case: Accused woman, an IAS aspirant, has trapped ...
https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/honey-trap-case-gujarat-bjp-mp-kc-patel-delhi-police-974954-2017-05-03
Honey trap case: Accused woman, an IAS aspirant, has trapped over 20 MPs. The activity of the gang came to light after Valsad MP KC Patel filed a complaint of extortion with the Delhi Police earlier this week. While there have been a series of cross allegations between the woman and the BJP MP, sources from the police claimed that it was an organised crime.
Honey traps: Do spies use sex to extract secrets? - slate.com
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2010/12/honey-traps-do-spies-use-sex-to-extract-secrets.html
The classic honey trap is seduction to extract secrets. Perhaps the best-known trap layer was the Dutch exotic dancer Mata Hari , who was executed by firing squad in France in 1917 for allegedly ...
Malaysia Flip Flop: Caught in political sex trap
https://malaysiaflipflop.blogspot.com/2015/02/caught-in-political-sex-trap.html
The ONA is also recorded as saying that Dr Anwar's political enemies engineered the circumstances from which the sodomy charges arose. ''ONA assessed, and their Singapore counterparts concurred, 'it was a set-up job and he probably knew that, but walked into it anyway','' the cable states.
The Brilliant MI6 Spy Who Perfected the Art of the 'Honey Trap'
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-brilliant-m16-spy-who-perfected-the-art-of-the-honey-trap
The Brilliant MI6 Spy Who Perfected the Art of the 'Honey Trap' ... D.C., where they hobnobbed with the political elite. Betty, sent to the best boarding schools, well-versed in high-society ...



We now date six people at once and then we just ghost them when we've lost interest

    • Rachel Hosie
    • @rachel_hosie
    •
 
Any young person who’s tried to explain the concept of “seeing” someone to their parents will be able to testify that the dating arena has changed enormously over the past couple of decades.
It’s no longer as simple as going for dinner and a movie and instantly becoming boyfriend and girlfriend - we “see” people, often more than one at a time.

The extent of this trend has been revealed in a new study which claims it’s now normal to date an incredible six people at once.

Assuming the average person isn’t out on a date every night of the week, we can also infer that two dates with the same person must be pretty spread-out too.

The results of the study, carried out by eHarmony Australia, reinforce the idea that in today’s dating society, people are loath to commit to one person, seemingly always wanting to keep their options open.

And although there seems to be a new dating tactic arising every week - have you been benched, breadcrumbed or unghosted of late? - it seems the trend for ghosting, where you simply stop replying to a potential suitor’s messages and inexplicably disappear, is still going strong.

The researchers found that over the past year, 64 per cent of singletons have been ghosted by a date. But there’s a good chance a lot of those aren’t perfect either, with 51 per cent of those studies admitting to ghosting someone themselves.

Although considered by some to be rude and inconsiderate, the allure of ghosting is the opportunity to avoid having to explain why you’ve lost interest in someone and just hope they’ll work it out themselves.

Couples meeting on dating apps is the norm now, but could it be that knowing there are always more potential love interests just a swipe away is leaving us spoilt for choice and confused?

“The research here and around the world shows there is a lot of dissatisfaction in the outcomes of many dating apps,” Nicole McInnes, Director of eHarmony Australia, told Cosmopolitan.
But with new apps launching all the time, it doesn’t look like a dating app backlash is going to happen any time soon. So, best start lining up your next six dates then.

In the San Francisco and New York online dating scene woman have become “free dinner whores” and men move up in the dating hierarchy depending on the size of their house and how much money they spend on dates.


Daddies, “Dates,” and the Girlfriend Experience: Welcome to the New Prostitution Economy. How Silicon Valley Guys Actually Get The Women They Are With
A growing number of young people are selling their bodies online to pay student loans, make the rent, or afford designer labels. Is it just an unorthodox way to make ends meet or a new kind of exploitation? Nancy Jo Sales investigates.
By
Nancy Jo Sales

DADDY DEAREST
A model illustrates the fantasy of “the girlfriend experience.”Photograph by Mark Schäfer.
    •
The waiter with the handlebar mustache encourages us to “participate in the small-plate culture.” Geraldine’s, the swank spot in Austin’s Hotel Van Zandt, is brimming with tech guys, some loudly talking about money. The college student at our table recommends the ribs—she’s been here before, on “dates” with her “daddies.” “There are a lot of tech guys,” she says. “They want the girlfriend experience, without having to deal with an actual girlfriend.”
“The girlfriend experience” is the term women in the sex trade use for a service involving more than just sex. “They want the perfect girlfriend—in their eyes,” says Miranda, the young woman at our table.* “She’s well groomed, cultured, classy, able to converse about anything—but not bringing into it any of her real-world problems or feelings.”
Miranda is 22 and has the wavy bobbed hair and clipped mid-Atlantic accent of a 1930s movie star; she grew up in a Texas suburb. “I’ve learned how to look like this, talk like this,” she says. “I work hard at being this,” meaning someone who can charge $700 an hour for sex.
Her adventures in “sugaring” started three years ago when she got hit on by an older guy and rebuffed him, saying, “Look, I’m not interested, so unless you’re offering to pay my student loans,” and he said, “Well . . . ?” After that, “he paid for stuff. He gave me money to help out with my living expenses.”
It ended when she went on a school year abroad and started meeting men on Seeking Arrangement, the Web site and app which match “sugar daddies” with “sugar babies,” whose company the daddies pay for with “allowances.” Now, she says, she has a rotation of three regular “clients”—”a top Austin lawyer, a top architect, and another tech guy,” all of them married. She adds, “Their relationships are not my business.”
She confesses she isn’t physically attracted to any of these men, but “what I’m looking for in this transaction is not sexual satisfaction. Do you like everyone at your job? But you still work with them, right? That’s how it is with sex work—it’s a job. I get paid for it. I do it for the money.”
And not only the money. “I’m networking,” Miranda maintains, “learning things from older men who give me insights into the business world. I’ve learned how to do an elevator pitch. I’ve learned so many soft skills that will help me in my career.
“ALMOST ALL OF MY FRIENDS DO SOME SORT OF SEX WORK . . . . IT’S ALMOST TRENDY TO SAY YOU DO IT—OR THAT YOU WOULD.”
“While in college,” she goes on, “I’ve had the ability to focus on developing myself because I’m not slaving away at a minimum-wage job. I reject it when people say I’m oppressed by the patriarchy. People who make seven dollars an hour are oppressed by the patriarchy.”
“She’s in control of the male gaze,” says another woman at the table, Erin, 22.
“I thought about doing it,” says Kristen, 21, tentatively. “I signed up for Seeking Arrangement when I couldn’t pay my rent. But I was held back because of the stigma if anyone finds out.”
“What right does anyone have to judge you for anything you do with your body?,” Miranda asks.
“Just Another Job”
The most surprising thing about Miranda’s story is how unsurprising it is to many of her peers. “Almost all of my friends do some sort of sex work,” says Katie, 23, a visual artist in New York. “It’s super-common. It’s almost trendy to say you do it—or that you would.”
“It’s become like a thing people say when they can’t make their rent,” says Jenna, 22, a New York video-game designer. “ ‘Well, I could always just get a sugar daddy,’ ‘I guess I could just start camming,’ ” or doing sexual performances in front of a Webcam for money on sites like Chaturbate. “And it’s kind of a joke, but it’s also not because you actually could. It’s not like you need a pimp anymore. You just need a computer.”
“Basically every gay dude I know is on Seeking Arrangement,” says Christopher, 23, a Los Angeles film editor. “And there are so many rent boys,” or young gay men who find sex-work opportunities on sites like RentBoy, which was busted and shut down in 2015 by Homeland Security for facilitating prostitution. “Now people just go on RentMen,” says Christopher.
As the debate over whether the United States should decriminalize sex work intensifies, prostitution has quietly gone mainstream among many young people, seen as a viable option in an impossible economy and legitimized by a wave of feminism that interprets sexualization as empowering. “People don’t call it ‘prostitution’ anymore,” says Caitlin, 20, a college student in Montreal. “That sounds like slut-shaming. Some girls get very rigid about it, like ‘This is a woman’s choice.’ ”
“Is Prostitution Just Another Job?” asked New York magazine in March; it seemed to be a rhetorical question, with accounts of young women who found their self-esteem “soaring” through sex work and whose “stresses seem not too different from any young person freelancing or starting a small business.” “Should Prostitution Be a Crime?” asked the cover of The New York Times Magazine in May—again apparently a rhetorical question, with an argument made for decriminalization that seemed to equate it with having “respect” for sex workers. (In broad terms, the drive for decriminalization says it will make the lives of sex workers safer, while the so-called abolitionist movement to end prostitution contends the opposite.)
The Times Magazine piece elicited an outcry from some feminists, who charged that it minimized the voices of women who have been trafficked, exploited, or abused. Liesl Gerntholtz, an executive director at Human Rights Watch, characterized the prostitution debate as “the most contentious and divisive issue in today’s women’s movement.” “There’s a lot of fear among feminists of being seen on the wrong side of this topic,” says Natasha Walter, the British feminist author. “I don’t understand how women standing up for legalizing sex work can’t see the ripple effect of taking this position will have on our idea of a woman’s place in the world.”
A ripple effect may already be in motion, but it looks more like a wave. A string of feminist-sex-worker narratives have been weaving through pop culture over the last few years, as typified by Secret Diary of a Call Girl (2007–11), the British ITV2 series based on the memoir by the pseudonymous Belle de Jour. Belle, played by the bubbly Billie Piper, is a savvy college grad who hates working at boring, low-paying office jobs, so she becomes a self-described “whore,” a lifestyle choice which always finds her in fashionable clothes. “I love my job,” Belle declares. “I’ve read every feminist book since Simone de Beauvoir and I still do what I do.” And then there is The Girlfriend Experience(2016–), the dramatic series on Starz, a darker take on a similarly glossy world of high-priced hotels and high-end shopping trips financed by wealthy johns. “I like it, O.K.?” snaps the main character, Christine, played by Riley Keough, when her disapproving sister asks why she’s working as an escort. Christine likes sex work so much she leaves law school to do it full-time. Both shows feature graphic sex scenes that sometimes look like porn.
“We talked a lot about agency” when conceiving The Girlfriend Experience, says producer Steven Soderbergh (who directed a movie of the same name in 2009), “and the idea that you have this young woman who is going into the workforce and ends up in the sex-work industry, where she feels she has more control and is respected more than she is at her day job,” at a law firm.

PRETTY WOMAN
“My friend who does it says, ‘I do it for the Chanel,’ ” a young woman told the author.
Photograph by Mark Schäfer.
Since Seeking Arrangement launched in 2006, practically a genre of sugar-baby confessionals has emerged. I WAS A REAL-LIFE “SUGAR BABY” FOR WEALTHY MEN, said a typical headline, in Marie Claire. The anonymous writer made clear, “I’d always had personal agency.”
Meanwhile, sugaring has its own extensive community online—also known as “the sugar bowl”—replete with Web sites and blogs. On Tumblr, babies exchange tips on the best sugaring sites and how much to charge. They post triumphant pictures of wads of cash, designer shoes, and bags. They ask for prayers: “Pray for me, this will be great to have two sugar daddies this summer since I quit my vanilla job! I’m trying to live free lol!”
On Facebook, there are private pages where babies find support for their endeavors as well. On one, members proudly call themselves “hos” (sometimes “heaux”) and post coquettish selfies, dressed up for “dates.” They offer information on how to avoid law enforcement and what they carry to protect themselves (knives, box cutters, pepper spray). They give advice on how to alleviate the pain of bruises from overzealous spanking and what to do when “scammers” refuse to pay. They ask questions: “How do you go about getting started in sex work? I’m honestly so broke.”
In interviews, young women and men involved in sex work—not professionals forced into the life, but amateurs, kids—in Austin, New York, and Los Angeles, talked mostly about needing money. They were squeezed by college tuition, crushed by student loans and the high cost of living. Many of their parents were middle- or upper-middle-class people who had nothing to spare for their children, derailed by the economic downturn themselves. And so they did “cake sitting”—a specialty service for a fetish that craves just what it says—or stripping or Webcamming or sugaring. Some beat people up in professional “dungeons”; others did “scat play,” involving sex with feces. They did what they felt they had to do to pay their bills. But was it feminism? And no, that isn’t a rhetorical question.
Landing a Whale
‘It just seemed so normal, like no big deal,” says Alisa, 21, one night at Nobu in Los Angeles, a place she’s been with her daddies. She’s talking about how she started sugaring when she was 18. “People kept telling me and my friends, ‘There are rich daddies who will take care of you.’ ”
She had profiles on Seeking Millionaire and Date Billionaire when she landed a whale on Seeking Arrangement. He was a high-profile venture capitalist in San Francisco and founder of a major tech company—“the real deal.” (Friends confirm their connection.)
“THERE ARE A LOT OF TECH GUYS. THEY WANT THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE, WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH AN ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND.”
Soon after they met he flew her to New York and installed her in a chic hotel. Alisa says he was busy most of the time, but she and her friends ran up $60,000 in room service and spa services while he worked. To make up for his absence, he took her shopping at Alexander McQueen, “my obsession.”
“Being in the L.A. atmosphere, and at the age of 16 or 17 going out in nightlife—it’s all very based on appearance,” Alisa says. “Out here, as long as you’re wearing Saint Laurent and the newest items, that’s all people care about, so my friends and I were obsessed with fashion. I think with our generation, Instagram also has a lot to do with it—people are constantly posting what they have.” She’s explaining that she became a sugar baby in order to buy luxury goods.
“My friend who does it says, ‘I do it for the Chanel,’ ” Alisa says wryly. “We both come from upper-middle-class families, but we never felt right asking our parents to buy us designer handbags or something, to put that burden on them financially. I was already working full-time,” at a clothing store, “and all my money was going towards helping my parents to pay for school.” So there was nothing left for shopping.
Her assignations with the billionaire went on for two years. “It was purely for financial purposes,” she says. “He was not my type whatsoever.” She’s reluctant at first to say whether they had sex, but finally admits their relationship was physical. “If anyone tells you they’re not sleeping with these guys, they’re lying, even if it’s just a blow job, because no one pays for all that without expecting something in return.”
It ended when he started dating a famous beauty; Alisa read about it on a celebrity blog. She had other daddies, during and after him, but then last year she stopped sugaring. “I haven’t done it in a really long time,” she says, “solely because of how it made me feel. Like it just makes you feel worthless ‘cause they don’t pay attention to your brain, they don’t care what you have to say. They just care that you’re attractive and you’re listening to them. I don’t want to ever have to look back and think, like, I made it to this point just because I used my body to get there.” A friend who got “envious” of her postings on Instagram also told Alisa’s parents what she was doing. She says, “She called me a prostitute.”
“It’s Transactional”
‘She’s a pro,” murmurs the young guy at the bar at Vandal, the hot new restaurant on New York’s Lower East Side. “And so is she.” He’s cocking his head toward some women in the room who are drinking alone. “How do you know?,” I ask. “You know,” says the guy. “They let you know.”
“The thing is, nowadays,” says his friend (they both work in real estate), “there’s the hidden hos. Like they’re hos, but they pretend to be just some regular girl hitting you up on Tinder.”
“I hate that,” the first guy says. “The hidden hoochies.”
“The ho-ishness,” the second guy says, “is everywhere. I used to take girls out to dinner, but then I’d see they’d eat and bounce—they just want a free meal—so now it’s no more dinner, just drinks.”
“IF ANYONE TELLS YOU THEY’RE NOT SLEEPING WITH THESE GUYS, THEY’RE LYING . . . NO ONE PAYS FOR ALL THAT WITHOUT . . . SOMETHING IN RETURN.”
Their complaints are of a type commonly heard online, on social media and rampant threads: “All women are prostitutes”; women just want to use men to get money and things. The Internet holds a mirror to the misogyny doing a bro dance in the background of this issue.
I ask the guys why they think some men pay for sex, especially when dating apps have made casual hookups more common.
“It’s transactional,” the second guy says. “There’s no one blowing up your phone, demanding shit from you. You have control over what happens.”
I tell them how Seeking Arrangement promotes itself as feminist. (“Seeking Arrangement is modern feminism,” says founder Brandon Wade, 46, an M.I.T.-educated former software engineer, on the phone. His InfoStream Group includes a number of other dating services, such as Miss Travel, where a woman can find a traveling “companion” to “sponsor” her vacation.)
“Oh, come on,” the first guy says. “They call them ‘daddies.’ They call women ‘babies.’ ”
“You can’t tell who the hookers are anymore,” says another guy at the bar, a well-known D.J. in his 30s. “They’re not strippers, they’re not on the corner, there’s no more madam. They look like all the other club girls.”
He tells a story of a young woman he let stay in his hotel room one weekend while he was working in Las Vegas. “She met up with this other girl and all of a sudden they had all these men’s watches and wallets and cash. They were working.” He laughs, still amazed at the memory.
“It’s like hooking has just become like this weird, distorted extension of dating,” the D.J. says. “ ‘He took me to dinner. He throws me money for rent’—it’s just become so casual. I think it’s dating apps—when sex is so disposable, if it doesn’t mean anything, then why not get paid for it? But don’t call it prostitution—no, now it’s liberation.”
$50 for the Powder Room
Jenna says that a friend of hers was sexually assaulted by a man she met on a sugaring site. “She didn’t want to report it,” she says, “because she didn’t want her parents to know what she was doing.” Women in sex work reportedly experience a high incidence of rape, as well as a “workplace homicide rate” 51 times higher than that of the next most dangerous job, working in a liquor store, according to the American Journal of Epidemiology.
“If prostitution is really just physical labor,” says the Canadian feminist writer and prostitution abolitionist, Meghan Murphy, on the phone, “if it’s no different than serving coffee or fixing a car, then why would we see rape as such a traumatic thing? If there’s nothing different about sex, then what’s so bad about rape?”
Jenna, the video-game designer, did Seeking Arrangement for two years, between the ages of 19 and 21. As with other young women I spoke to, the catalyst for her was when she couldn’t pay her rent: “I had like negative $55 in the bank. My mom was guilt-tripping me about asking her for money.”
The night Jenna Googled “sugar daddies,” she says, she’d also just come home from a “very bad date” with “a guy who smelled.” “I was like, I can’t take this anymore, these guys are horrible. I just want someone who’s gonna have some manners, or at least some better hygiene.” It was a refrain I’d heard from others, including Miranda in Austin, who complained, “The dude bros are infantile, they’re rude.” “Wish you could send an invoice” to a “fuck boy that used you,” said a young woman on a sugaring page on Facebook.
“So I was like, If I’m gonna spend my time with some guy and have it be horrible,” Jenna says one night at a dark East Village bar, “then if I get some money at the end of the night, at least I get something.”
The guys she met on Seeking Arrangement weren’t horrible, she says, but some of them were “weird.” “Because I know a lot about video games I tend to attract, like, the nerdier [Brooklyn] tech guys. Like the ones who are looking for someone who can talk to them, like, ‘Oh, you’re into Harmony Korine? You like Trash Humpers?’
“They’re actually profoundly lonely guys,” she says, “and think this is the only way that they can meet women.”
There was the guy who just wanted to brush her hair, for hours, as she sat watching television in a hotel room. He brought his own brush. And there was the guy who was “fat—not like morbidly obese, but big.” He liked to take her out for long dinners.
She usually charged around $400 for an encounter. “The guys don’t like talking about money, so they’ll just like leave money in your purse.” What Holly Golightly called “$50 for the powder room” was discreetly offered, she says, “because then it can feel more like real dating to them.”

A model poses as a “sugar baby.”
Photograph by Mark Schäfer.
But it wasn’t real dating, and after a while it began to bother her, as she realized the men, although “generally nice,” didn’t actually respect her. “I think the sugar daddies just see the sugar babies as whores,” she says. “They would never consider a monogamous relationship with someone who would need to do this to survive. It’s like a class thing. They see you as beneath them, desperate.
“Sometimes I think, Did I really have to resort to this?” she asks. “Or was I being validated in some way?” She was a “late bloomer,” she says, and wonders if part of her felt reassured of her attractiveness by having someone pay to have sex with her. “But that’s crazy.”
She stopped sugaring when she got into a serious relationship; now she lives with her boyfriend in an apartment with four others. “One day, one of our roommates was watching porn, and he says to me—he had no idea what I’d been doing—‘Do you think there are sex workers who are really into it?’ I think it’s, like, a male fantasy.”
Wish Lists
Interestingly, the young men I talked to who do sex work voiced few qualms about whether what they were doing was empowering or disempowering. One straight guy I spoke to who’s on Seeking Arrangement (the company claims to have more than 400,000 “mommies”) did say that he was sometimes uncomfortable with “not being in control of the situation.”
One night at Macri Park, a gay bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, Derek is having a drink with friends. He’s 20 and an art student from New Jersey. “I do RentMen, I do dominating,” he says. “People want to be hit, beat up—mostly older guys. One’s a Broadway actor. I work for dungeons and I have private clients. I don’t have to have sex with them—just whip them with devices, or beat them with my hands. Or I do muscle worship”—where guys ogle and touch his body.
“If I do it two or three times a week,” he says, “I can make my rent, I can eat, I can make my art.”
Once upon a time, young artists and musicians came to New York looking to find a creative community where they could thrive, but now, as David Byrne noted in a piece in The Guardian in 2013, the city has become virtually unaffordable to all but the 1 percent, inhospitable to struggling artists. “One can put up with poverty for a while when one is young, but it will inevitably wear a person down,” wrote Byrne.
“Especially with the intern culture—like New York runs on interns—it’s impossible to get a decent job,” says Katie, the visual artist, at Macri Park. “I was sending out 20 e-mails a day for the first five months I lived here,” looking for jobs, “and I was like, This isn’t working.” Now she does Webcamming. She says she “feels O.K. about it,” and uses it to “fuel my art.” She dresses up as a Disney princess for men to explore “the effects of princess culture on my sexuality.” If a client turns out to be a “creep,” someone whose attitude she can’t abide, she’ll just “nuke them,” or turn the Webcam off.
“IF I DO IT TWO OR THREE TIMES A WEEK, I CAN MAKE MY RENT, I CAN EAT, I CAN MAKE MY ART.”
She and her friend Christopher start talking about the Amazon “Wish Lists” that sex workers set up for their clients. In lieu of money (which is sent through PayPal or Venmo), clients can pay with gifts. “I know guys who’ve gotten iPhones, laptops, a flat-screen TV,” says Christopher.
“A lot of people have the really practical ones—like ‘I want silverware, a blender,’ ” says Katie.
“I’ve seen people put furniture, even like shaving cream and razors,” Christopher says. He pulls up one of his friends’ Wish Lists on his phone. The young man wants a stuffed Pokémon doll.
Travis, 27, a porn actor from Virginia, has been a professional escort for years. He says he bemoans the way social media has made it so easy for anyone to do. “There’s a lot of people with day jobs now who are making good money and doing escorting on the side—you’d be surprised.” Why do they do it?, I ask. “ ‘Cause they’re greedy,” Travis says. “The market is flooded. I’m so over it.”
Benefactors
At the Seeking Arrangement Party 2016, a masquerade ball, babies and daddies crowd into Bardot, a lounge in the Avalon Hollywood nightclub, in Los Angeles. Exotic dancers writhe around on risers. General-admission tickets are $100, the drinks aren’t free, and many babies aren’t drinking. Some seem antsy. Many have spent the day at the Seeking Arrangement Sugar Baby Summit, hearing how they should expect to be “spoiled” and have men pay for things. So they’ve gotten dressed up, put on Eyes Wide Shut-like masks, and come here to meet their potential “benefactors.”
“I’m just looking for someone to pay for my boob job,” says a small blonde woman who flew into town from Utah; she’s a Mormon. “I thought I must be doing something wrong because all the guys I’ve met on the site so far have been sending me dick pics and hairy-butt pics.”
The place is filled with guys who resemble John McCain. “My daughter’s 36,” I hear one saying to two rapt young women. He pulls out pictures from his wallet to show them—actual photo printouts.
There’s another type of guy here, the jumbo-size Danny DeVitos. “I thought they said these girls were gonna be 10s,” I hear one of them telling some other guys. “But this is like a buncha 5s and 6s. Maybe they’ll take an I.O.U.” The other men chuckle.
“Why do men pay for sex?,” I ask a young man, the handsomest in the room. “Sometimes in Vegas if you’re drunk,” he says with a shrug. I ask him why he’s here. “I work all the time, and I don’t have time for a girlfriend.” He says he works in tech. “But I like to flirt and have company, not just sex,” he goes on. So he does Seeking Arrangement. I ask him how much he pays the women. “Depends how much I like them.”
There are a lot of young black women here. “I’m kind of surprised,” says a young black woman named Nicole, 25, “but not really. They’re probably here for the same reason I am, which is there’s a lot of racism on the site, like guys will just openly say, ‘No black women,’ so maybe they thought they’d have a better chance in person.”
Nicole is lovely and has a job as an executive assistant. I ask her why she’s seeking an arrangement. “I want to start a handbag line,” she says. “I have all these great designs and ideas. And I just don’t see how I could ever get together the capital. So an investor would really help.”
She seems to truly believe the Seeking Arrangement marketing, that she might find that supportive, encouraging person here. We look around the room. There’s a John McCain with his hand on the behind of a young black girl. Her smooth skin looks so young and fresh in the lamplight, next to his wizened face.



All of this material is open source public domain news from publicly posted material on the internet